Tuesday, November 30, 2004
so long good friend.....i'll miss you!

oh oh oh - get this.

i don't know if you're hearing me people
they took out the coffee machine.
now we BRING our own coffee, sugar, creamer, filters EVERYTHING - all they provided was the machne - and now that's GONE ....
but mark my words tomorrow - you will see my fat ass happily seated at the desk with an entire CARAFE of coffee from the house - because as they like to say at the meetings ..
my name is allison, i'm a coffee-holic.

if a holic can be a 2 cupper a day ... cause i'm that girl. i need it - and believe me i'm sure after as few as 2 or 3 days without it .... someone around here will start bringing personal machines ... cause damn - we need it.
so in memory of our beloved friend ... please list all coffee songs/lyricscan think of here ....
so long old friend.
*Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
*"I like cream in my coffee ... and i like to sleep late on sunday and no body knows me like my baby" - Lyle Lovett
*"clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee...and you're so vain" - Carly Simon
*"One more cup of coffee for the road One more cup of coffee 'fore I go" - The White Stripes
*"It took a cup of coffee To prove that you don't love me " - Garbage
ok - that's all i have at the moment .... and i'm sad on the inside...

posted by Allie @ 11/30/2004 04:05:00 PM 9 comments
blogger ate my post.

ok - now i have to try and remember what i wrote ... lemme think.

first of all i talked about today's music choices .... lyle lovett, james taylor covers, indigo girls, counting crows ... and something else - but at this point i've forgotten it.

i am drinking copious amounts of chai today - so i should be on a sugar and caffeine high soon - that's something to look forward to..if i concentrate i can already feel the twitch ... and you gotta love that right?

so i'm getting a cold. i would like for whoever is available to bring me egg drop soup and spring rolls please. i will share my sofa AND my hot tea with you ... you can sit on the sofa with me and look at my tree - it's BEAUTIMUS - and the lights blink - so if you stare at it long enough - it will make you lightheaded and that's worth the trip right?!?!

speaking of trips - but not really ... i'm starting to look for work in North Carolina. Asheville and surrounding area specifically ... i've always wanted to live in the mountains and it's been fear that's kept me from doing just that - and let's face it - that's bullshit.... so i'm slowing starting to look. I'm also looking at coursework at UNC Asheville. I have a BS degree already - but i'm considering a second degree or possibly a masters ... i just have to decide what i want to be when i grow up. I just know that i'm a smart kid - and i don't get to use my brain that much in this gig - and would like to challenge myself - i took that Human Resources certification course last winter - which was hard - but i liked the brainwork .... so that's something to look forward to.

oh oh oh - i do remember something - i realize that tiny is much funnier than me lately - i'maneed him to stop that.

posted by Allie @ 11/30/2004 09:23:00 AM 8 comments
Monday, November 29, 2004
remember that seinfeld episode

where elaine and jerry visited his parents in florida and it was hotter than the hammered down hinges of hell - and all elaine could ask is "WHY is it so hot in here?" this is my question for today.

it is approx. 84 degrees in this office. now that is too hot....for anyone. but especially for me ( and stacey ) it's just plain miserable in here - thank all that is good and cooling that i left my fan here and thought enought to realize that just because it's cold outside in the am, doesn't mean it's going to be cold inside - and dressed accordingly.

i also have a question about pine needles.

what is their purpose?

i must have raked 9 gabillion of them this weekend - and other than a convient place for my dog to take care of things - i don't see the point of them .... and i wrote a little something something about it.

Ode to the Pine Needle.
Oh needle, pine needle all brown and stiff and fallen
You mock me, lying on the ground -
come rake us up you're callin'.
I cannot mulch you with my mower
it's shiny and red and snappy
but to shred the needles - it's a no goer...
this makes me none too happy.
How i wish i knew the reason why you're here
or if from you i could make a beer.
but alas all i can do it rake until i get a blister...
until i make enough money
to get a bronze God like
lawn mister.
ok - that was weak and i know it - but im hot. leave me alone

posted by Allie @ 11/29/2004 03:25:00 PM 5 comments
The secret word

Do you remember the Pee-Wee Herman show ( what about the live stage show that preceeded the movies .... ) well, on the show they had a secret word of the day - and whenever someone said the word - everyone screamed. {sidebar - i have a talking peewee herman doll, yes - i'm that cool....and yes, if you don't crowd me in - i will pose for pictures and sign autographs}

anyhow, my point- and i do have one.

is that i got more sleep this weekend that i've gotten in MONTHS - and "it was good".

so the secret word is SLEEP

i had a very nice holiday weekend - and i'm now going to give you a moment by moment play by play breakdown of the long weekend.

actually i'm so NOT going to do that - but i'm pleased to report that it was a good weekend...by all measures and standards.

1. excellent thanksgiving meal
2. excellent family time - everyone got along
3. mike posed for christmas pictures (yes i'm that girl - and will post them later)
4. naps
5. we worked in the yard - and it's perfection right about now
6. i got my christmas tree and it's all decorated and beautimus
7. i lit a fire in the fireplace (duh), poured a glass of wine, and sat in the glow of the tree and of the fire in complete contentment. { when was the last time you were COMPLETLY content? i highly recommend doing what it takes to get there }
8. it was freezing cold here this weekend ( yay ) - and i took mike to the dog park and watched him romp = while i looked at the cute gay boys
9. hot tubbed it with friends this weekend - was fantastic
10. more naps

that is one good way to spend a weekend - and i'm feeling good, and strong, and funny, and smart - and that's a nice combo!

and b. my friends went on a women's retreat with my church and studied the enegram (sic ?) and i took my test -and came up as a 4 - a romantic ... these are their traits .... madley - does this sound accurate - for the traits at least..

The Romantic (4)

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me
*Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
*Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
*Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
*Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
*Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four
*my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
*my ability to establish warm connections with people
*admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
*my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
*being unique and being seen as unique by others
*having aesthetic sensibilities
*being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four
*experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
*feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
*feeling guilty when I disappoint people
*feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
*expecting too much from myself and life
*fearing being abandoned
*obsessing over resentments
*longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often
*have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
*are very sensitive
*feel that they don't fit in
*believe they are missing something that other people have
*attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
*become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
*feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents
*help their children become who they really are
*support their children's creativity and originality
*are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
*are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
*are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

i'm so scared/impressed at how on the money this one is for me WOW!

posted by Allie @ 11/29/2004 08:21:00 AM 11 comments
Thursday, November 25, 2004

if this works i'll be so damn impressed with myself - this is mike from about a year ago .. how cute is he?!?! Posted by Hello

posted by Allie @ 11/25/2004 09:30:00 AM 3 comments
gobble gobble

Happy Thanksgiving People!

I hope everyone is with people they love today - be that family, friend, pets, ben & jerry and your favorite lifetime movie.

As we know i'm a HUGE fan of the list. So here's the starters of an "I'm Grateful For" list.

1. that the old allie is slowly returning
2. that i have the best frekin' dog ever...
3. i have amazing girlfriends that i thank God, the universe, Mother Earth....for every single day, people would be lucky beyond all reason to have one person like this in their life. and i have like 8. amazing.
4. my parents, they make me insane but, 1. that's their job and 2. they love me a really whole lot
5. i have a job
6. i laugh out loud every day at work
7. let's thank the fine people at lilly for the 'zac
8. i like me again, that's pretty cool
9. i'm funnier than most anyone else i know
10. and you. i'm thankful for all of you.


posted by Allie @ 11/25/2004 08:56:00 AM 2 comments
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
It's beginning to smell a lot...

like Thanksgiving!

** this is pretty disjointed and REAL fuckin honest .. so just know that**

Happy Holidays sweetpeople!

Last night after dinner and some dog walking (between wicked rain storms - what did atlanta become Seattle when i wasn't looking - not that i would really mind that too much ....but i'm digressing ) ... i baked a pan full of sweet potatoes in preparation of the infamous ... infamous? infamous sweet potato casserole - that actually is a full on dessert that we eat on the plate as part of the meal ( and in my office we call that a "fat activity" { how funny is that}) and it is so good it will make you start slapping people ... and not mind so much if they slap back. i can send you the recipe - or better yet, come see me and i will just make them for you- cause i make them better than anyone else.

Tonight the pie baking begins and casserole preparation continues ... and i'm such a dork - i'm really looking forward to it. i LOVE to cook,but since i live alone - i don't do it all that often, cause really what's the point? but i'm in full on holiday mode now. which is a good thing - cause i LOVE christmas ... i love the decorations - the tackier the better - my best friend and i always go out and look at the lights and will stop the car and applaud for really terrible decorations ... my neighborhood goes nuts with the decorations too - and i love that ( duh ) .... this weekend daddy will bring his truck over and we'll go get my tree ... and just the thought of that is making me smile... this christmas while moneywise is still so crappy ... i have a job - and that's such a big leap from last year.

it's also got me thinking about 2005. it's going to be good. i have proclaimed it so. i think i'm actually going to make resolutions but not the ... lose 100 pounds ... eat only leafy green things .... stop drinking ... resolutions .......... but the ... be more gentle .... never forget to tell people i love them .... take the fear down a notch type of resolution....and i'm excited about that. My church has a new year's eve service, but it's not a traditional "watchnight" kinda thing. It's called a burning bowl ceremony -and that's really what it is. You write down everything you want to release from the year and do away with .... then you pray over it - the congregation affirms the changes and you burn it. It's really powerful - and even when i don't make it to church on New Year's Eve - i do that ... i think i'm gonna start thinking on it and working on my list of things to release and things to draw for the new year - how fucking grown up am i?!

so i wanna be sappy and traditional and take this moment to thank everyone that's in my life - i'm grateful for all of you. i really do have some of the best friends in the world i want to thank them for loving me when i wasn't able to love myself - believe in me when i couldn't - like me when i didn't like me .... and then allow me to do the same for them. that right there is some fucking powerful shit.

i also realize that i am censoring myself some on this blog. and i said i wasn't going to do that this go around - i wasn't going to be self conscious about what i wrote - just write what i'm feeling and let it be. i have decided to quit taking the meds - i need to call my dr and see how to ween myself off of them, i think the "crisis" phase of my life might be over or at least over for the moment and maybe even if it's not - other parts of my life have calmed down some to that i can handle them as they are and not in the fuzz of the 'zac .... i'm just thinking ... i mean feeling things is good right?! i realize how paralyzed with pain and fear i was and really unable to handle things, everything was overwhelming, and dark .... but i think that maybe things are more calm now-and i can investigate my relationships and my reactions to them.

Mary asked me last night if i've been able to be "myself" post "R" and i think the answer may be no. or not all the time. i don't know what happened, i so allowed him to control me, every decision i made was based on will "r" like this. and that is fucked up. but when he dumped me - i allowed him to let me feel so much less than worthy, un loveable, un deserving ... and i think this past year tore that wound wide open. i'm ok with wearing the scar of that relationship - i'm not ok with that wound being open and still affecting how i feel about me.

but i LET him do that to me. and i have to really look and see why. i dont' know that i ever dealed with that...what i did do is enter into a series of relationships that would NEVER work, and i knew that going into them. i refused to let my guard down and picked men who could never dump me because for a variety of reasons we were never together. then it happened. i fell head over heels in love. good thing right? yeah, not so much - with a married man. it was a relationship of emotions and thought and fire. never one moment of physical touch. not ONE. but it was as intense a relationship as i've ever had. i tried to play the game and it got me. i chose someone to open up to - to be ME with .... that could and would and should not ever return that closeness. and now that's over - but it's ok. i feel so good and so strong. i mourned that loss like i can't tell you ( the friends i sobbed with can tell you ) but i realize i'm willing to love...to date...to be me...to be real...to not mold myself to what i think someone thinks, wants, hopes me to be or wishes i am. i'm taking responsibility for my happiness and not waiting for a man on a honda, harley, or white house to save me. i don't need saving. i'm ready for someone to meet me at my level....and make a life together. crisis and challenge, fights and forgiveness, passion and love.

and that's some grown ass shit.

love and shit like that,

note - not edited proofread or spellchecked .....

posted by Allie @ 11/24/2004 08:03:00 AM 5 comments
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
it's almost silly

how happy i am today.

and i don't' know of anything that's really changed. i woke up late (per usual) but traffic was light - the coffee was ready when i got here - i look cute - should be a relatively light work day ( as light as it gets here .... which ain't real light ) but i'm feeling good. and that my friends is a most welcome change of pace.

I love it when the happy bus shows up. it makes me feel like the "old" me is slowly returning - and that's a good thing, cause i really really like her. she's funny, and silly, and thoughtful, she has energy to give her friends, and she's been missed .....this me is more course than i'd really like to be - i seem more brash than i am - i try to wear this 'i'm tough and you can't hurt me armor' - and yadda yadda yadda...i think it's cause although i seem like this loud extrovert - there's this introvert in me dying to just be ... and quit being hidden - but my job is to sorta be the loud funny one.

could i not be the quiet one?
what if no one likes the quiet one

...i've spent so much time cultivating this "image" and so very few people get to see the "real" me ( there i go again with the quotes ) the numbers know me, and so does todd ..they see thru this act of overwhelming confidence that i try to portray- and i think i do - but hell, maybe it's transparent ... i dont' know...it's hard to just stop being ALLIE on 10 and all that and go back to allison who while equally fabulous is also really sensitive and gets her feelings hurt and is willing to risk that - instead of ALLIE who demands to be in control and in charge all the time and acts balls to the wall - but i miss being ME, and i want me back - that's something i really want to work on - and i hope y'all stick around for it - cause allison is really excellent

... so maybe the blue funk is actually leaving ... i'd love to get off of this stupid drug ( which has saved my sanity might i add ), and feel a little more....

i think the music i was listening to this morning helped ... i'm of course still in my squeeze phase, but i also listened to Julian Cole, Blondie, Beastie Boys, and old Adam Ant - and it's hard to be in a bad mood when that sorta happy is going on. That plus you should have seen how cute my dog was ... sad but true.

so mary's hubby mike is having knee surgery today -let's send them good juju .... i'll let you know when i know ... how everyone is....

i really do love all of you.

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are." ee cummings.

posted by Allie @ 11/23/2004 01:42:00 AM 6 comments
Monday, November 22, 2004
i'm grinning today

which is a excellent change of pace ... yay to me.

My Weekend...by Allison

Actually I think I'm gonna work backwards ...well, because i can and 4. because i want to. I overslept this morning - and turned out cute and on time to work anyway .. much to the thanks of some old U2 music, Squeeze ( sidebar: did y'all see the Bands Reunited on VH1 with them - glenn is still too too cute ), and Maroon 5. Then when i got to work and started checking journals and blogs ( instead of working - natch) my high school buddy gave me a little shout out - and you gotta love that...and and and - the coffee is brewing as we speak and my coffee buddy will make it just the way i like it ( i swear to all that is good and shiny - having lots of gay men in your life is a good thing ) .... it's a 3 day work week here at the beautiful agency - and in the Seinfeld logic .... i'm already here so today is really almost over and wednesday won't count cause you know no one will do any work ... so really it's a one day week.

ok, onto last night - that boy from last week called and thought he was going to be able to come over - um, lemme think on that one NO! He's been dismissed ..... no longer with us .... hit the road jack ..... and i'm sure when i get the coffee IN MY BELLY i'll have more things to say. But it was a night of Desperate Housewives ... and yakking on the phone - both of which i do enjoy....and sunday just plain rocked - i skipped church...went to go get all the stuff for the big feast on thursday .... then ran by sallys to get some girly stuff ... and of course i have the softest cutest feet ever now ( you know i have to wonder what the person that doesn't know me thinks i'm like from reading this blog ... a quasi depressed ... liberal... at times still boy crazy... musically stuck in the 80's .... girly girl - and while that's true there's so so so much more ... just an FYI ) Mike ( the dog) and i hung out all day and took it easy .... which was a really nice change of pace . but we did talk to stacey while she was having lunch with her brother ( and i ADORE her brother ) any man who make's a Christmas compilation CD for his friends ... gives himself a rap name for it ( Figgie Puddin') then has his picture taken with the santa at Nordstrom's complete with bike, shades, and style - yeah, he's ok with me.....

saturday was fun too, but ended with the ever present maternal guilt trip. it's a story that's too long and too personal to go into here - but let's say my mother requires LOTS of my free time -and when i don't do it .... the guilt kicks in - and at 34 - it still effects me - i know i need to move away - but with the house and the sucky job market and all - i don't know that i'll be able to anytime soon - but if anyone wants a 34 year old and her 3 year old shedding machine - let's talk ...

anyway ... sat am i met with mom to do some gallery hopping, which is always fun - and we were going to go for Thai food in the Ansley area ( sidebar - the name of the restaurant is "Bangkok" and it's right next door to a gay bar - draw your own conclusions) but it was only open for dinner so we went to the Vortex. While i love, adore,j'adore - that place - having a veggieburger and coke with your mom is WAY different than having a burger and a couple of pitchers of beer with your friends .. i'm just saying .... but it was fun nonetheless - then we did some more gallery hopping/christmas shopping and back to my house .......

then later christine and i went to dinner and shopping and to see the new Bridget Jones movie ... ok people say it with me COLIN FIRTH - good gookaly mookaly - he's pretty.

Friday was pretty light and low - but i got to yakk at wendy on the phone for a while - and we know how much i like the phone ....

Lauren's doing better - and honestly today - that's all i care about - so yay her..

************** AND AND AND *******************
I finally saw "saved" yesterday ... and i am indeed

Kickin It Jesus Style!

posted by Allie @ 11/22/2004 08:32:00 AM 11 comments
Friday, November 19, 2004
since i haven't done the list in awhile

we all know that i'm a fan of the list. lists of music i like...lists of things you know about me....lists of things you might not know about me ...... yadda yadda yadda .... well ladies and gentleladies ... i feel another list coming on ... i'm not sure what it's going to be about but wrote a blog about it - like to read it - here it go.

1. i have colored my hair once a week for the last 6 weeks trying to get a color i like
2. i think i have finally decided to hold off on the color - so my hair will stay in my head
3. i had rock star sex this week - but not with an actual rock star
4. although my favorite color is purple - i wear NOTHING purple .
5. cause i pretty much only wear black
6. if you visit me, bring a sweater - cause i keep my house like a meat locker
7. i've spent a lot of time recently thinking about stupid things i have done
8. i can't decide if this is a good thing - or a bad one
9. i put wendy's number in speed dial - she's been sucked into the vortex
10. i called someone i shouldn't have this week - and while talking was great - now i feel like an ass
11. i have a really big ass
12. but it's a great ass
13. because people have told me so - and i think so too :)
14. i think at the first of the year - i'm gonna quit taking the prozac
15. because i think things are sorta better now
16. and i miss the ability to cry
17. sidebar - i SO started this list before the crying jags started again, i can TOTALLY cry now!
18. i'm still sad about the way the election turned out
19. my house is covered in pictures of my friends
20. i have seen willie nelson in concert more than once
21. i miss the pre-*69 days of prank phone calls SO MUCH
22. i bought BOTH guinness and icehouse beer at the grocery store last week - wha? huh?
23. I own WAY less pairs of shoes than jackie
24. i'm not afraid to apologize when i've been as asshat
25. i'm trying to NOT be an asshat
26. i'm starting to demand people apologize to me ... however than manifests itself
27. i'm pretty sure dr.phil is in fact satan
28. typing that made me laugh out loud
29. i'm SO eating meat tonight for dinner
30. i think i'm a really excellent friend
31. i am on the phone like a 14 year old girl most nights of the week
32. sometimes i am so lazy i will take my dog for a RIDE instead of a walk
33. i can't believe i just admitted that
34. i have a poster of n*sync in my garage.
35. right next to my Clinton/Gore sign
36. i still think monica was just patriotic
37. i have a "secret" blog that i tell my feelings about that "damn boy" in
38. i currently have 150+ bottles of nail polish
39 i have a thing for nails .... not a fetish - but i always notice
40. i would go barefoot everyday if possible
41. i'm listening to Johnny Cash right now
42. before that i was listening to Elvis Costello
43. if you call me at christmas - you WILL hear either the Hanukkah (sic) song or the barking dogs on my answering maching
44. yes, i realize how annoying that is
45. the most heard phrase in my office today is "girl what, not at all" and it makes me laugh everytime
46. i was called a mighty fine sistah yesterday - although i'm the whitest woman on the planet

**** and now it's friday am ****

ok - so i posted this thursday afternoon ( cause i myveryownself was tired of listing to the "woe to me" / "why can't i have him" / " how did he get over me so quickly" trifecta of boring) ..... and i'm now on to something better- i'm not sure what it is .... but i know that this morning i sang at the TOP O' MY LUNGS

" I could get over him, if i could get under you"

it's a pretty bad kasey jones song - and not exactly appropriate for the situation - but it makes me laugh cause it's not that i really wanna get under anyone - for a long time ... cause well, i just plain don't at the moment .... i have no dates this weekend - the man from earlier this week has been dismissed -cause, yeah, he's not the one - i am date free this weekend ... and i'm so ok with that.

i'm amazed at how much better i feel today that i did earlier this week - i love when things finally just shift ... that's so great.

my coworkers are cracking me up today -i have every intention to not deal directly with clients ... cause i don't wanna - i'm not in the mood to "fix" anything ... sidebar ( how irritating is it that i don't actually quote anyone but still use the "" ..... i know it's making my grammar police friends twitchy) ... and that sorta makes me giggle too!

i'm still e-mailing with my friend from high school - and i'm happy to report he grew up cool. way cooler than me actually - but that's ok too...... and and and my former ( wait here i go again ) "online boyfriend" / not diaryland and i are friends again - after secretly reading each others blogs for a couple months ... yay to the grown ups .... i'm pleased with us and looking forward to a pretty quiet weekend ...

i'm looking forward to the "me" time ... and of course preparing for the glutton festival that is thanksgiving .... yay to me.

posted by Allie @ 11/19/2004 09:35:00 PM 12 comments
Thursday, November 18, 2004
so today i'm gonna be happy damnit

i spent the better part of yesterday at work trying not to cry at the office ( and i succeeded thank you very much ) so i LOST it in the car on the way home talking to lauren - then i continued to lose it while talking to lauren at the house, talking to mary, and talking to stacey - i would have lost it talking to christel ... but i sorta passed out from tired crying ....po po me.

i'm not sure what's going on- actually i'm PAINFULLY aware of what's going on. someone i really do love and for a GABILLION and 3 reasons it's not meant to be, never meant to be, and will never work out .... actually said to me when we were talking about the situation "it could be worse" WHAT HUH WHAT THE FUCK?! how could it be worse - we have ( or i have ) reached worse. i found myself acting in behaviors that do me NO good ... ( ie drinking too much, smoking, sleeping with an idiot yadda yadda yadda ) behaviors that i was pretty sure i had done enough therapy and taken enough meds to get over ... but evidently not. why have i let this one have control. he obviously is fine with how things worked out - seems to be carrying on quite nicely - while i'm crying in my huge pillow...and going to this terrible self doubt place- and i HATE that place. i'm generally really confident - or can at least maintain the facade of confidence so well that even i can forget that it's an act sometimes ..... it's triggered some real fears that i've had for a while - the whole - men leave, men cheat, ( or decide to come out), i'm going to actually become the crazy dog lady, never going to find someone to love me back, never going to find someone who finds me important and loveable - and i mean of the men variety - i know without a DOUBT that i have the best girlfriends on the entire planet. I have never even READ stories about friendships like these - so intense and true and lasting on so many levels - friends that throw the bullshit flag when i need it - and friends that will hold me up when i can't stand the pain anymore ... this is truly amazing - good parents and good friends .... are literally helping me survive ......

the upside is i've been really creative at home... and have some excellent ideas of projects to complete ... and i've gotten a lot of cleaning out done .... but still.....i'm tired of being the one affected in this crap - while the men carry on as if nothings happened. is this a penis thing? this ability to brush off and carry on as if nothing's happened, as if hearts weren't broken, i don't get it ....

but on the other hand... my girl stacey might be coming to see me this weekend... which could be some serious hard core fun. she's maybe even MORE girly than me - and that my friends is girly - so i predict MUCH MUCH fun ... and if for some reason we can't make this weekend work - we can save up the party power for another time.

so my friends love me, my parents love me, my dog loves me - my co workers make me laugh - i'm trying to love me today ... well i love me- i'm trying to like me today .... so lemme crank some wonderfully bad 80's music and see if i can't turn this mood around.

i love you all, i really really do!

posted by Allie @ 11/18/2004 08:25:00 AM 9 comments
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
nine levels...

Nine Layers
I stole this directly from Madley’s blog …

Layer One

name: Allison
birth date: June 2, 1970
birthplace: San Antonio, Texas
current location: Marietta, Georgia
eye color: Green
hair color: currently red/auburn/brown – could change at a moment’s notice
height: 5'4"
righty or lefty: Righty
zodiac sign: Gemini

Layer Two

your heritage: Irish / Scottish
the shoes you wore today: Sexy black high heel mules
your weakness: second guessing myself.
your fears: Dying without having that one true lasting romantic love with a man – or the people that I love knowing that I love them
your perfect pizza: Thick Chicago style with spinach and goat cheese and asparagus.
goal you'd like to achieve: Balance, with not too much drama.

Layer Three

your most overused phrase on aim: show me your boobs - kidding
your first waking thoughts: Yay, I didn’t wake up dead
your best physical feature: My hair and eyes.
your most missed memory: laughing with my best friend growing up

Layer Four

pepsi or coke: Coke - Actually Fresca. With ice and a straw.
mcdonald's or burger king: Wendy’s!
single or group dates: Single... are you kidding?
adidas or nike: honey, I don’t run.
lipton ice tea or nestea: Neither. I like tea steeped not powdered.
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
cappuccino or coffee: both depends on my mood – but usually coffee.

Layer Five

smoke: Once in a while.
cuss: What the hell is that kinda question supposed to mean?
sing: For fun, always.
take a shower everyday: twice a day – and I don’t have OCD
do you think you've been in love: I’m not sure – I think so – but don’t wanna admit it.
want to go to college: Already finished it
liked high school: Was hell on a plate
want to get married: totally – when I’m ready
believe in yourself: Hell yeah - most days
.get motion sickness: sometimes.
think you're attractive: have you seen me? I’m WAY cute.
think you're a health freak: have you SEEN me?
get along with your parent(s): most of the time.
like thunderstorms: Yes -- unless I'm travelling in them.
play an instrument: took piano lessons and flute lessons for years can plunk on the piano only.

Layer Six

in the past month..
drank alcohol: Yes
smoked: yes
done a drug: just prozac.
made out: Monday night
gone on a date: about a week...ago
gone to the mall: yep – wandered the mall in charlotte
eaten an entire box of oreos?: not at one sitting – but sure.
eaten sushi: Oh yeah.
been on stage: not in the last month
been dumped: Yes and no – long story – don’t ask
gone skating: No
made homemade cookies: Yep
dyed your hair: DUH
stolen anything: No

Layer Seven

played a game that required removal of clothing: Yup
if so, was it mixed company: yup
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yup.
been caught "doing something": yup
.been called a tease: No
gotten beaten up: No
shoplifted: nope
changed who you were to fit in: not since I became a grown ass woman.

Layer Eight

age you hope to be married: Before death.
numbers and names of children: n/a
describe your dream wedding: In the mountains in fall ….super casual – just me and him – our immediate family ( and minister of course )– then big party later.
how do you want to die: at age 90 in great health in my sleep after a great weekend in vegas playing with all my friends
where you want to go to college: Already went to college – don’t know where I want to go for a master’s or if I wanna do that
what do you want to be when you grow up: Content and Happy in my own skin.
what country would you most like to visit: Ireland

Layer Nine

number of drugs taken illegally: One
number of people i could trust with my life: 10
number of cds that i own: Maybe 200?
number of piercings: Three in each ear I want 3 more in each.
number of tattoos: None -- yet. 2 words. Needles, pain!
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 4 or 5.
number of scars on my body: 3 or 4!
number of things in my past that i regret: lots and none –cause as hokey as this sounds it made me who I am now – and I like who I am … but I have some regrets.

posted by Allie @ 11/17/2004 01:01:00 PM 4 comments

i'm not sure why, but i feel obligated to write in this thing everyday - even when i'm pretty sure i don't have anything that constructive to say. i'm not sure why this is - but it is.

i know some people will then get all topical and try to stir up contraversy and - you know i'm really not in the market for that today. cause so far, it's a pretty great day. i got TONS of sleep last night .... the dog was TOO cute this morning... traffic wasn't terrible .... i look good... i sang along LOUDLY in the car .... and have laughed to the point of tears twice today - and it's only 9am ... so WOW things could be worse.

so this was interesting - yesterday at work we were given thanksgiving presents - i've never heard of such a thing.. we were given office trinkets ....and a gift certificate to the grocery store for 25 bucks .... ROCK ON! there will be pecans bought this year! pies and sweet potatoes for everyone... some pople at the office thought that wasn't enough

what?? huh?? i'd like to place an order of what the fuck?

it's money people - take it and be happy

and b. so if i send you a letter that says - THIS IS YOUR ABSOLUTE LAST OPPORTUNITY TO CONTINUE TO RECEIVE HOUSING ASSISTANCE ... and your appt is for X time .... whyo whyo whyo would you show up 2 hours later and think i'm going to see you?!?!

posted by Allie @ 11/17/2004 09:08:00 AM 4 comments
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
i'm not only the president, i'm also a member

music - Mraz ( i swear i own more cd's than just his - hell i own LP's, 45's.... and possibly and 8 track or 2 somewhere - but i just can't get enough of this man lately ) but i also have a new music crush.. Keaton Simons.. he's sorta cocktail party music - and so far i like him...

coffee- WAY too much - i'm gonna be regreting this later, i'm just about sure of it ....

snack o' the day - get this my fat friends - Mr. Reddenbacher has found in all his wisdom to create a cinnamon flavored popcorn that comes with FROSTING... this is the popcorn equivalent of a sauce. and you KNOW how i feel about a sauce ... my friend #3ky says even ice water would be better with a sauce - and this is reason 122,548,215,215,788,165,321 that i love her ....

so are you wondering what the title of this entry is referring to?! ask wendy or stacey - they know ... teehee... beard boy shaved. and i'm tired today- but a happy tired ...

sorry this is so disjointed - ima need more COFFEE

posted by Allie @ 11/16/2004 10:00:00 AM 11 comments
Monday, November 15, 2004
so question

I was emailing with a friend of mine from high school, and now that i think about it - i'm sure i've known him since middle school and maybe even elementary .... but back to my point ( and i do have one ) why come ... yes, shut up i said why come - does "confirmed bachelor" sound so much better than "die a spinster" ..... just wondering.... and 3. it's sorta cool to catch up and see how friends have grown up....the pity is i was to chickenshit to go for the kiss when he lived here - but anyway - made for some good at home journal entries for the 19 year old allie .......

and b. i got the call last night ladies and gentlemen .... some one we all know and love who's name sounds like WENDY and is actually spelled WENDY but i'm not saying is actually WENDY ... i'm just saying ...... finally got it on ( in the Marvin Gaye way ) with the neighbor. and to you - i say again YAY YOU. what i'm most impressed by is the way she took the 'ahem' bull by the horns and took control of this situation ... so i think she may be moved to an officer's position in the land of vengeful sluts. and for this all the all the Lord's people said AMEN!

so tell me is this wrong - my friend stacey might ( read WILL ) come see me this weekend and i'm already looking forward to the pitchers of beer and hamburgers at the vortex!?!? AND and and if lauren and rockstar get themselves here - i'm gonna write to dusty and see if we can get the tornado that is pork to join us for a drink or two - i know he has issues with the fat chick - but with that much sheer boobage ..... he's gotta be impressed!... that plus i'm funny as all hell....

and i have decided that i'm gonna stalk jason mraz - he's silly enough to actually put on his journal where he is and when .. so i'm gonna stalk him - and i saw henry rollins this weekend on tv - and it's been a way ass long time since i stalked him too ... so i'm gonna work on both of those ..... hey, it's not much - but it is a plan.

ok - that's all i have for the moment .... wait that's a lie ...

coffee - almond joy (ala coffee goddess)
music -
1. mraz ( DUH )
2. squeeze - singles 45 and under
3. some fantabulous 80's mix cd ... damn i still LOVE 80's music
4. al green - tired of being alone ( and missing the HELL out of my friend, he knows who he is)
hair - rocking the ponytail

oh here's something- christel and i talked last night about all the 3's growing our hair out and donating at the same time to locks of love - i think we all have our hair about the same length now - who's game - i am ....

and i'm sure that there's something i've forgotten - so i'll update more later i'm sure.

oh and oh and oh

i decided to go ahead and put my old entries from allieinthe3rdperson on this blog ... they're sorta sloppy at the moment - i need to go clean them up some -but they're there ... just an fyi

posted by Allie @ 11/15/2004 08:45:00 AM 10 comments
Friday, November 12, 2004
so it's me again

typing away at the lunch hour - cause i'm exciting like that - aren't you lucky to know me ?

i'm trying to be happy today - but i'm having a hard time and here's why.

1. hormones (case closed)
2. i miss my friend.
3. i'm too tired to breathe
4. every song is making me want to cry ( see # 1)
5. there's some drama in friend land
6. there's fun going on this weekend that i'm not a part of ...

but the things that do make me happy

1. my hair looks cute today - i color the hell out of it - and it's still soft
2. i actually have money in my checking account, so i can buy groceries this weekend
3. my parents are paying for my car repair, brakes, roters, tires, and the 85K checkup....DAMN
4. my dog loves me
5. i have a job.

i need some good girl time - but i don't see that happening this weekend ... so i'm hoping that the cathartic cleaning out of stuff will help me feel good - it usually does...

you know what - i want someone to come here and get on the sofa and let me put my head on their laps while they stroke my hair and tell me it will be ok .... what time can i expect you?

posted by Allie @ 11/12/2004 01:28:00 PM 1 comments
Know what burns my ass?

a flame about 3 feet high .....

i love that joke ... but seriously.... i have a list of things that are working my last fat nerve today and it seems that at the top of the list is people chiming in with their bullshit that have no dog in the fight.

i myveryown self had (well HAD is extreme) to take my other blog down because someone thought they could say just anything to me and i would take it ... fuckin shrinky dink ..... but it seems that one of my beloved friends is she herself in the middle of some of this crap, but - just like when you're in the hole .... all her friends are in this with her ... yay for the numbers!

ok - so what else .... it's rainy and icky here - and i'm supposed to hot tub tonight ... so i don't see that happening .... but i have a date tomorrow night with beard boy - so that should be fun.

here's another little insight into the world o' allie. i frekin love the fall - not a shock i know - cause i talk about it all the time - but you know the way most people get energized and hyped up in spring ? well that' s me in the fall - i'm ITCHIN to clean out my "studio" (aka sewing room, craft room, computer room ) and start painting until there is no paint left - and sewing until there's not a scrap of fabric left, and beading things until my fingers are numb...but first i need to do some cleaning out of that room - spring cleaning in the fall if you will... and i will .... and the sick thing is - i'm actually excited about that ..... so that's part of saturday's plan .... then sunday - i think mike needs to go to the dog park if the weather dries some of this crap out...cause we could use some running around in the cool fall air - and by running around - i mean he runs and i pretend to read and scope for cute boys.

speaking of scoping and cute boys .... we're all hoping that wendy makes it into full sluthood this weekend - so good luck to you - i'll be calling and checking in - so be prepared for that .....

oh oh oh and wendy and jackie and i are now life long email buddies - so be jealous of that ....
i have a feeling i'm going to ramble more today - so check back - chances are i'll have more pearls of wisdom to share ... i know you're all waiting with baited breasts!

ok song list for the morning

1. Liar - Henry Rollins ( Jesus jumped up christ, i find this man SO fuckin' sexy in such a scary way)
2. Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
3. Waterloo - ABBA
4. I hate you, why don't you shut up and fuckin' die - Original Song
5. Rand McNally - Jason Mraz
6. I'm Gonna Knock you Out - LL Cool J
7. Enid - Barenaked Ladies
8. Never Take the Place of Your Man - Prince

posted by Allie @ 11/12/2004 08:40:00 AM 5 comments
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Happy veteran's day ..

in allie's regular world - today would include a parade.

if you don't know this about me ( and how could you NOT ) ~ i LOVE parades ...the same way i love good hair.... manicures .... chocolate ... and visions of ricky martin circa 2001.

most people have today off ... yeah, but not me. i am at work ... not exactly working at the moment - but i'm at work. so no parade for me. i really do like the veteran's day parade. it's odd, i'm really patriotic ... decended from actual patriots ( i have a DAR # ... can you belive it ) and i'm really good "friends" with someone who is going to fight in Iraq in the next couple of months - but since i'm uber liberal and not a fan of the shrub ... i have to defend the fact that i think this country has the most potential of anywhere in the world ... although canada seems like a good option at times ...

anyway - back to the parade - the one here in atlanta is usually really cool. - old veterans. young people. bands. tanks. all that jazz .... but i'll have to pretend i'm there .. cause i'm here - but here is where the job is - and i'm happy to have the job - so yay me.

and let us take a moment in praise of daddy.

i have major car crap going on. i need new brakes, new roaters (sic?), and 85K service done, and God knows what else once they get it in there..... so i called dad this morning and said my brakes are making this awful metal on metal noise ... and he said - get 'er done. so i call ye old honda shop - and they pull gloria ( my car's name) up in the system and say ... she also needs her 85K check up ... to the tune of $260ish ... i say - lemme get back to ya on that one ... and call dad- dad says get er done ....

so tonight i go to the honda place - and tomorrow i drive dad's 4 speed truck into work ... yay me. but hey it's a car - it works ... and i'll back up traffic for others if i stall out 9 gabillion times on my way to the office....

so what else ... oh here's something - i've had WAY too much caffeine and i have the caffeine shakes - which at the moment is pretty cool - but will soon lose it's charm i'm sure. ...

oh, and i still wanna make out - any takers?

posted by Allie @ 11/11/2004 10:51:00 AM 6 comments
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
that bitch gladys

showed up here again this week ... she's a week early - and right on schedule with my cubicle mates .... ( if you're a woman, you know who gladys is - if you're a man - why are you not HERE buying me things?)

now gladys can trigger many things ...

1. unrequited horniness ( antlery i prefer to say)
2. awareness that they do not MAKE enough foods with refined sugars and fat in them
3. make me weepy

or the deadly trifecta of all of them ..

i'm weepy from reading a friend's blog, sorta kinda in the mood for some neighborly making out ala the vengeful slut style ( ps - welcome to the club wendy, stacey will provide your new member package), and eating carrot cake and drinking real pure t rotgut co-cola..... yum

i neglected to mention the fact that i have to color my hair - chaz and i played salon this weekend - and i have to even it out some ... cause DAMN. but my cubicle mate is to be commended - i was on the phone dialing the hair salon and she came over - took the phone out of my hand - and said i can't let you get your hair cut this week - you're too emotional - that my dear is a friend .... and we thank her....and i'm sure she thanks herself - cause otherwise she'd have to listen to me bitch all the live long day.

so this is something cool that's going on in my life - my high school has an alumni web page .. and i found an old friend of mine and he and i have started emailing ... i'm hoping he comes home for some holiday soon and i'll buy him a beer .. cause i rock it thata way.

Song List for the Day

1. How can you mend a broken heart, Al Green
2. Only Lonely, Hootie
3 Unfold, Jason Mraz
4. Time, Culture Club
5. Cowboy Take Me Away, Dixie Chicks ( Shut up )
6. Peaches, Presidents of the United States of America
7. About the Weather, 10,000 Maniacs

and "there you go"

posted by Allie @ 11/10/2004 03:40:00 PM 11 comments
coming out of the dark...

and not in a gloria estefan kinda way. see, last night we had no power at casa allie. and while that sucked great infected monkey ass - i happen to have 10 million candles in my possession ... AND AND AND the famous wendy called ... of http://www.wendyrules.diaryland.com fame ..... so we yakked and yakked for about an hour last night - and now of course we're in love and best friends ... cause she is calling boys to make out and didn't take pete's call while she was yakkin it up with me. MUHAHAHAHAH! then i talked to lauren bo baren for a while... shawn called twice to check on me and wish me sweet dreams ( insert awwwwww here ) - then i fell asleep before i could call stacey back ... i woke up at like 3 and thought - yeah it's too late ... cause she's either sleeping or making out and either way - i dont' wanna interrupt. so here we are with another fabulous gigantular cup of coffee ... a day full of appointment ... a night with some overtime ... and yeah - ok, that's all i have for the moment - but all things considered- i look really cute - i'm feeling good and strong today - i'm thinking about making some "do you wanna make out this weekend" calls .... so things could be worse right?!? well, in many ways they are a big stinking pile of suck at the moment- but i don't feel like focusing on that. aren't meds a great thing?! love to all .... some more than others! smooches!

posted by Allie @ 11/10/2004 11:28:00 AM 7 comments
Tuesday, November 09, 2004

so it used to be that the very first thing i would do in the morning is check blogs and post something. i was really almost OCD about it - like what in the world would happen if for one day i didn't post by 9 am.


nothing will happen.

i was sorta of frantic about getting my thoughts out there - any thought just to have something to say...and i'm glad that that seems to have changed.

work is going ok - there is one woman at my office who is miserable and she's doing her damndest to make everyone else miserable too. i of course - find this hysterical .. and since i don't have a dog in this fight it really means nothing to me -except for one MAJOR thing ....

because of this - i have to go to a frekin 12 hour long team building/communication/diversity workshop on friday ... which SERIOUSLY changes plans that i had .... and that sucks ... but i refuse to cry at work - so i'm going to freak out about it tonight (after i finish my overtime )

this new boy ( named "mike" ) just to make things confusing ... might have some potential ... he's funny - and kinda cute ... and thinks i'm funny and sexy - and i've been called worse things - so maybe .... he'll just have to work on the shaving ... those italians have serious stubble!

posted by Allie @ 11/09/2004 03:10:00 PM 1 comments
Monday, November 08, 2004
if i wasn't me

i'd be jealous of my weekend.

first let me say .... yay unto me. i needed a kick ass weekend - and i got it.

i took friday off and went to spend the weekend with the girls in NC. this was such a good idea - i can't even begin to describe it - and it will be happening more and more often...and one day - i'm sneaking mike ( sneak, yeah right ) up there to visit too!

so i took mike to stay at the neighbor's house - then headed up to see my own personal favorite rock star .... man i love that kid - we hugged and laughed, and made fun of people, and i got to flash the store, and then we went for lunch ... and of course to the drug store - cause #3sc IS a makeup whore just like her georgia counterpart - yay unto us ... so a little huggin, little eating, little shopping ... and in the words of Willie Nelson - i was on the road again ...

which brings me to charlotte - man i love visiting there ... as soon as i got there it was time to go meet the boys and go eat ( don't ya love a visit that starts with food?? ) so we eat - catch up and giggle some more - then we're off to Gay Bingo .... i swear to GOD - i may already be a woman - but i YEARN to be a full on drag queen ... that is just more fun and sass and smartassyness than one person can take! how much fun did we have?!?!?!?! love it OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO69!

from there we head to Starbucks ( sorry #3 ) and laughed some more ... and passed a florist on our way there who's store name i have now decided is my stripper/hooker name "Azelea Skies" oh my god - that's an awful name .... so chai lattes for me ... and back to the boy's house .. and since we'd not fufilled our gay quota for the day ---- we watched Will & Grace .... the the cast of Will & Grace on Ellen....

forward to saturday am ..... Greg made us breakfast- i just love a man in the kitchen .... YUMMY - then off to shop - cause ( well cause that's what we do ) then to their friends finally closed upon lake house - mind if i say yum! where chaz and i flashed the lake from the master bed room - cause hey, we wanted to ... you know i love a good flash ...... then to a little block party for the new homeowners ........ and back to the boys house .... where it happened ...

i think i'm officially a gay man now.

greg was crashed on his bed .... and chaz and i were in the den ... making fun of greg for being anti social .... to where he responded ( come lay withe me ) { is there any wonder why i love him so } so i did ... and so did chaz....and the dog - so we're all spooning up on the bed .... with the dog - watching an abba tribute show and singing along so loud .... that we didn't hear the doorbell ring with our dinner company banging away ..... sad but true ( and fun! )

then off to dinner for MORE food - and laughs ... and then we played hair salon... and watched "Connie & Carla" drag queens and show tunes ... oh oh oh - and popcorn.

the sleep sleep sleep ....

up and to IHOP for pumpkin pancakes and home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by Allie @ 11/08/2004 01:56:00 PM 6 comments
Thursday, November 04, 2004

so i saw someone else do this - then i did it ( hee hee i said did it ) with a coworker a few minutes ago.

here are some answers to some burning questions about me

1. 19
2. thanksgiving
3. john
4. highschool
5. honda
6. yes
7. sometimes
8. i can't believe you have the stones to ask me something like that
9. back of my neck
10, dark red/almost black
12. Gregg
13. 1 or 2
14. only on thursdays
15. karen
16. they're real
17. that's not
18. on the coffee table
19. todd
20. VHI

posted by Allie @ 11/04/2004 05:13:00 PM 3 comments
i'm going to repost some things from my other blog -

cause let's face it - i'm funny - and i'm keeping my funny stuff ... so this is going to take a while - so i might not have "new" new updates on here for a few days - but i'm going to be back and running at full speed soon.

with only my friends - who i love and love me.

and not asshole men - that aren't on my list of 3 that i love - and they know who they are .... and in case they don't

1. daddy
2. chaz
3. greg

order is subject to change at a moment's notice - cause i'm like that.

posted by Allie @ 11/04/2004 11:27:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
starting over

this is a second attempt at a blog. my first one i enjoyed very much until some people decided they were allowed to talk to me anykinda way and i didn't have the right to defend myself. these aren't real flesh and blood people - well i'm sure they're actual people - but they're not people in my life.

like people i can hug and touch and cry with - those are read people.....

i'm working on getting rid of someone that does me no good. but i'm having a hard time doing it - i asked one of my favorite friends and confidants how can i be strong ...

and this is what she told me

Well, first, decide what you want. And if what you want is actually GOOD FOR YOU.
Then, decide if you want to ask for it or not.
And, if you do want to, then ask.
And then be OK with the response.

And you're gonna have to get Zen about this, because he's an emotional, fallable man. And really, he's not giving anything to you but pain. So, you have to decide if he's ever going to offer anything but pain, and go from there.

YOU have to make the choices. You have to decide how he's going to work in YOUR life. Or, you have to remove him, lovingly, from your life. (And you have to do it lovingly, because that's who you are. I'm sorry, but you are a loving person.) YOU have to make the choices. Take ALL your own power back. All of it. Give to God what is God's and take for yourself what is yours.

Do it now.

i'm trying to do it now.

posted by Allie @ 11/03/2004 08:01:00 PM 2 comments
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