so there i was. mom and i were looking at some of my jewelry and beads ( i make jewelry... anyway ) i have an opportunity to go into a sales venture with my jewelry - so we were looking at current inventory...i decided i really do have a lot - but could use some of a couple of things. we then say - i wish there was a bead store nearby - and i think 'a-ha' i saw a sign for one the other day not too far from here - i've never gone, but let's go check it out.

so in we go to this pretty cute bead store, and i'm looking at the prices, trying not to say out loud "you have GOT to be fucking kidding me" way, way,way overpriced and i dont' care who is paying for it - too much is too much. mom is in a good mood and saying "do you like this, that yadda yadda yadda" and i'm saying "yes, i like it but the prices are REALLY out of control" ... mom then goes into the "if you don't support local small businesses, we'll be stuck with the big corporations ..... fine - a firm direct strike to my liberal heart. so we look around again .. and i have on a pink shirt - and i say - "i'd like to find some bold pink beads ... i can't get enough pink lately .....

to which the sales lady says

"you like pink because the magazines are telling you to like pink"
( let that sink in
wait
wait
more
wait
ok)

so i turn on my heels and reply - "actually no. i like what i like - i don't need a magazine to tell me what i like or what would look good on me. ( eye her up and down,very snotty i know ) but, some people need to get help from wherever they can....and since you work in this shop and WE are the only ones in here - i'm guessing you have lots of time to read"

~and scene~

anyhow, after a really shitty week - this weekend has been good. My best friend and i went out for dinner and some window shopping friday night - she brought over some dvd's and we had a reese witherspoon festival .. and slumber party - then this morning went to krispy kreme - and they were WAY hot ... top that, you can't. then we walked thru tar-jaee, then to barnes and noble - and i'm all self help booked up.

then lunch with mom, financial summit., took mike on a walk .... and chatted with se7en for a while and he swanked up the haloscan for me ... yay ... and i decided to re-arrange my bedroom ( rookie move - sore back - but it looks good ) - i'm listening to my "songs for queens" cd #3ky made for me ... and getting ready to watch another dvd and breakout the popcorn. could be worse.

***

ok - so now it's monday ... and i had a dream about ricky martin... and justin timberlake. Ricky and Justin and ME oh my! so evidently i've been talking to #5 too much and i'm now all about the 20 year old man again .... ding DONG!

so i brought a bunch of latin music to the office today...well if i think about it's really Puerto Rican and Cuban music .... but really YUM and YUM. so... i'm feeling good and cute, and listening to music that puts a spring in my step - AND a friend at work brought me a slice of pound cake ... folks, it don't get much better than this.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

got nothing.

see ya monday, maybe.

congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.

which happy bunny are you?

So I haven't talked much on here..And I'm not sure why ... But it's my thoughts about my spiritual life

* disclaimer - these are MY thoughts ( again MY thoughts ) I'm not asking anyone to agree or understand - I'm sorta writing this for me - so hear me now - I don't need anyone trying to "save" me or anything like that ... Me and the big JC are peachy! )*

now I have been pretty candid about the trials and stuggles I've been going thru in the last year or so ... And really really REALLY in the past few months. The immediate financial crisis is over now, I am employed ( at least today - we're never guaranteed tomorrow's job - but you know what I mean ), I have an amazing support network of friends, family, and my family of choice is frekin' amazing.

I have realized that something had dropped off in my life. My church going. I attend a Unity church ... To me it's one of those that can be seen as odd or strange or whatever, and to me it's a liberal interpretation of the bible - and maybe not even liberal ... Just asking people to look at things another way. ( sidebar - I'm REAL sure Jesus was a liberal ... But again my opinion - my blog - I'm allowed to have them ).. You may be familiar with the daily word that they publish.

I will say that I did NOT in ANY way grow up in a religious house. I think I could count on one hand the number of times I went to church with my family growing up. That used to make me feel a little different - since I'm really way southern ... And you know how southern people are about church ... Not God necessarily .. But to be seen at church ) In fact I didn't go to church until I turned 23 ... And a friends mother-in-law recommended this particular church thinking it might be a good fit.

and she was right.

and started attending, then joined the choir, and realized the human-ness of people involved in church. I tend to believe that people who CHOOSE to live a life in the church should somehow act less human. It took me a good long time ( and I still fail miserably sometimes with it ) to realize that sometimes people act WAY more with their human side than their spiritual side ... And that just because they work in a church - doesn't mean they always do the best thing. I know it sounds silly or childish - but I really do expect church folks to act better - to be the model.....But they're on a path of learning too...


ANYWAY

I realized last night that I haven't been to church since before Christmas.

OH MY GOOD GOOKLY MOOKLY.

so, that's one of the main things I'm working on changing. I'm conflicted about it -because while I ADORE the minister at my church, I love his sermons, I've been to him for counseling, and think he's fantastic. I no longer feel that that church is my "home" anymore. And I've been shopping for another church ...Well I say I was shopping, evidently I was participating in services to St. Mattress. There is a church of my denomination just down the street - and in the past it hasn't been my favorite choice .... There is a new minister there starting in March, so I'm seriously thinking about going there .... But then I still wanna hear my minister speak - crappy music and all. So I'm a little conflicted about what to do - but I'm going to take active steps - movement is good and I'm sure I can feel what is going to be the right thing for me to do once I start taking steps forward - so yay me.

so in addition to the therapy and medication, I'm renewing my commitment to myself and my relationship with God.

I still plan on drinking and cussing - that'll never change ... But maybe being in the company of like minded people for a few hours a week and some reading/studying will bring back that peace in my soul that I think I turned away from.

so i'm going to rant about dog owners this morning - you lucky readers.

I have a problem with lots of dog owners.

Now, it's no secret here that i ADORE my dog. He is the exact dog i need - he matches my personality perfectly, is a constant and wonderful companion - in fact i want to find a job where i can bring him with me ..... in addition to being a wonderful pet ... i'm a wonderful dog owner .... he's on good and expensive food, never misses a dose of Frontline or Interceptor, never misses his annual exam, walked twice daily, and goes to the dog park pretty much every weekend.... and at times most importantly HE WEARS TAGS. Maybe too many - but he has a tag with his name and my phone number on it, one that says "if i am alone, i am lost, call allison" and lists my number, and i have doggie lojac for him. He's microchipped and registered so that if by some nightmare he's lost and goes to the shelter or a vet's office - they can scan him, and contact me, my parents, his vet, and the rescue group i adopted him from.

i say all this to say, a dog is work. everyday. it's a serious obligation, and worth all the time and money invested if the dog is a match, good with your kids if you have them, and what you want as a member of your family....then take care of them.

and yes, this is going somewhere. i am the dog lady of the neighborhood. i cannot TELL you the number of dogs i have seen outside, lured into my house, looked at the tags, called the owners, loaded the dog in my car and driven home. i do this because i believe i karma - and if somehow mike got lost - i'd hope someone would do the same for me .. and although i live in a quiet neighborhood - it's off a pretty busy road - and i always have the fear of him being hit.

so last night - i'm home from a really long and trying day at the office, after stopping by the grocery store, ( and getting the mail where there was a HYSTERICAL card from #5 - which is now in my office ) anyway - i'm starting to cook dinner, and mike starts barking and crying...now he likes to announce EVERYONE that comes in the cul-de-sac .. and has a crush on my next door neighbor... so when he comes home - mike goes nuts - but sometimes he'll come and "get" me ... like if sees a kid without an adult or if the jackasses from accross the street are playing frisbee in the cul-de-sac..and running in my yard ...... ok anyway...

he's doing the bark whine cry thing - so i go look out the front window and there's a dog wandering around out there - so i turn off the stove and head outside. There is this massive bassett hound/beagle mix who's been lost before - i've seen him around several times and recently saw a sign in the neighborhood when he was missing. so i'm outside and call the dog over to me - he comes to the yard to get some hugs and kisses ....and i see that he has a collar on BUT NO TAGS. he's really friendly but scared of mike so he won't come in the house - i go in grab the car keys, open the garage door and get the dog in the car ... and off we go to look for mom and dad. now my neighborhood is made up of about 5 mini-neighborhoods, and we drove in all of them - thinking for SURE i'll see someone out hollering for their dog ... um, not so much. So i go to the tennis courts which is where the bulletin board is for the 'hood. and nothing is posted ... so i start looking in the individual sections again and stop a woman walking her baby - and asked ... do you know this dog - or where he lives ..... she goes on a mini rant ( as she's a dog person too ) about how the dog is out all the time - but thinks she knows where he lives ....

so i go to the house, knock on the door and a CHILD answers the door ( WHO FUCKIN LETS THEIR KIDS OPEN THE DOOR - HE COULD BE SNATCHED LIKE "THAT" ) anyhow - i ask for his mommie or daddy and ask the mom if she's missing a dog - i head a loud dog barking in the backgroud so i think maybe this is the wrong house.... she says no ours aren't missing - i say - are you sure he's a really big basset hound-y / beagle, and she asks is he with you now - and we walk out to the car ( now for her defense, she had an young kid, a middle schooler, a wee tiny baby, and was in the middle of packing for moving .. i'm sure things were hectic - THIS TIME - but this dog has been out before.... many times ) so we get to the car and she says - oh that's max... max what are you doing out.

then she says to me - i didn't know he was out ... we have an electric fence that he just runs right through....

and i'm thinking ... DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS OUT!?!?! and ELECTRIC FENCES DON'T WORK IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE ELECTRIC FENCE COLLAR HIM!!!!!

and 3 - get a fuckin' tag on this dog.

but she thanked me profusely and i went back home to my well tended dog.

and dinner - cause i was starving at that point!


~and scene~


ps. i'm you're in the metro atlanta area and in the market for a dog or a cat - this is an amazing rescue group. Forgotten Paws this where i got mike...and where i'll get my next dog.

( warning - this is FULL of typo's)

so for no apparent reason i was thinking about watches last night. prolly because we had big time storms here and lost power for a while a couple of times last night and i had to go around the house setting clocks.

then i thought - it's a damn cool thing we don't have to reset watches like that - cause i have an ass load of watches .... seriously. an ass load, it's be measured and catagorized - you don't ask. i won't tell... and i have all kinds of watches - fron antique diamond and platinum, to your basic fossil watch, to a $1.99 n*sync watch ( and yes i still wear it so shut up .... lance, especially pre nose job is dumb as a box of hair - but cute )

I was thinking that you can tell a lot about a person by their watch ... moreso with men than women i think - generally cause women accessorize more than men, can wear men's watches without and issues and all that.....

* i know a guy who wears a GINORMOUS digital nightmare ( remember that scene in "singles" where the guy wanted to load up his watch with numbers? ... it's sorta like that) it's a watch/palm pilot/weater predictor/game boy/ woman repulsor .... at least we know with this model he's got limber fingers - at least on that one hand.

*i like to see if someone's watch matches their personality ... like my rock star friend - has a kick ass rock star watch - on me it would look a hot mess ... on her - it looks like she was born with it attached to her left wrist.

*i also think it's fun to wear your swankiest outfit - then wear a silly ass watch - like today - i have a suit on for work - i look all grown up and professional .... and i'm sporting a burger king Spongebob Squarepants watch ... and it makes me giggle.

* i tend to like extremes of watches on men - like a really amazing beautiful classic watch ( not some bling 'new money' crap ) but something classic or the silly spongebob variety ... i think for me it's the same as a classic or preppy man who has a tatoo that no one would know about unless he's nekkid ...... ( i need a moment - i love that image )

i think i have this watch issue cause my dad is a watch man - he's got a gabillion - and it's always a welcome gift at any given holiday ....



****************************************
new topic -

several of my blog buddies have recently encountered hate mail or hate comments - to the point where they have either changed blogs, taken them down completly, or made then private.... i used to have a disclaimer on this blog - and may have to put it back up ... but lemme make this clear ....

this is my blog - just as yours is yours. if i have an opinion you don't agree with - great - i have no problem with it .... that's corrected in the simplest of ways .... QUIT FUCKIN' READING.....or create your own blog and present your opinion. it is NOT appropriate to be hate filled or bash others ... believe me - there are people on this planet - and not just political leaders that i HATE - and i mean HATE .... if they were shot off into space never to be seen again - i would have NO problem with - and would do a happy dance for eternity .....

so you know what - i don't read their blog often - and i totally do not post on it - cause it's hers to be an idiot on .....

so if you hate what someone has to say - keep it to yourself - it's their site to do with what they want - and agree or not ... everyone is entitled to think what they think.

~and scene~

and to also work in my love of the list .....

(background info - a friend of mine and i used to make a list of "things that suck" everything from seeing a bug at your favorite restaurant, to noticing there's no toilet paper - 30 seconds too late ....to finding out someone you love has been thru something awful)

well - i feel that lately i have been so spun up in my own depression and anxiety attacks that i have not been the best friend possible. i tell my friends everytime i talk to them that i love them - but maybe they don't know why.... i know this list won't begin to cover all the reasons or the people - but it's a good start.


so here's a list of people i love and some of the reasons why ( besides the fact that they are on the planet and in my life - that is really all i need....but here goes )

1. my best friend christine - she is a fantastic woman that i adore. she has stood by me thick and thin - and was able to be strong, risk losing our frienship completly to do for me what i could not do myself. i loved her and liked her before .... we've said that we considered each other family for years .... but today i realize to my bones that she IS my sister. and i'm forever thankful that we're friends ( and i think it's HYSTERICAL that my best friend is a super conservative, gun toting, talk radio listening, military wife .... cracks my ass straight off)

2. the numbers - christel, lauren, mary, and stacey.
christel - this woman makes me laugh every time we speak. she sat on the orange chair in my house one weekend morning while i sat on the sofa and spoke about fears and concerns that i had never mentioned to anyone ... out of fear. and she was totally and completly accepting of me. she's been able to be strong when i couldn't be. and what's even better - she trusts me with her fears and concerns too - i just wish she didn't have better hair than me.

lauren - i cannot count the number of times i have cried to lauren on the phone. she's even cried with me. i was in a really inappropriate relationship that lauren would listen to me talk, laugh, cry, vent about - and she let me be. didn't try to make me wrong .... didn't try to fix it, just let me say it. now this is a woman who has her own fair share ( and then some ) of shit going on - and she's always had time and love for me.... i adore her. and she adores me - how cool is that?

mary - mary is my holly homemaker on crack soul mate. it's amazing i didn't know i had family in west by god - but i sure do ... i have family there in mary.we've both been there for each other time and time again. in my nightly prayers - i thank God that she's in my life. and i ask Him to help her with her amazing snoring

stacey - my stacey. the object of such a girl crush i can't even begin to start talking about it. she never fails to snort at my jokes, play along with any scheme i have going on - and loves a good flash. she's not scared to be a voice of reason to tell me i'm acting like an ass or not in my best good.....she loves me enough to call me on my shit....and i love her enough to know what she says is true

3. my long tall texan - after a bumpy start he has become an amazing friend. i have no fear in telling him about me - all of it - the good and the not so good. i've let him in as close as i have my girlfriends...and he's all man to me. i hate that we have that brotherly/sisterly love going on ... but that's just the way it should be.

4. ann and dara - girls we've been thru it huh? we've been ( literally ) to hell and back. and we're still thick as theives. please know that i love, respect, like, and appreciate you. you're my very favorite lesbians .... "who want's pie?" and not that kind pie for y'all that don't know the story

5. that boy that occupied my mind for most of the past year - i thank you for reminding me that i can love again. that's some cool shit to realize....and to quote ms. badu .... I guess i'll see you next lifetime.

6. my mary - champie is a damn good friend. she's been there for me time and time again ... and hopefully i've been there for her too....and and and - she sends my dog presents ... come on does it GET better than that? no it doesn't.

7. my friend tracy from work - who makes me laugh out loud everyday - and when i'm having a bad day - sings me that song that makes me happy...so yay you.

8. seven - for the schexy blog layout ... love it.

9. my new blog friends - aren't we the best group of cooks out there?!

10. and me. i'm thankful for me, cause even on my worst day - i'm pretty fuckin great.


11. and oh my damn ... how did i POSSIBLY leave chaz and greg off this list? i love them both SO much it's almost painful. i would do ANYTHING for those two. i love you both so much = and can't wait to see you again.

Sunday 02/20/05

i always feel this need to blog daily. and honestly, i'm not sure why. maybe it's the idea of having an "audience" maybe it's because in every entry there's a little nugget of me that i need to get out. maybe it's the fear of not writing and people stop reading ... i dunno.


but i'm making an effort to find out. i'm making an effort to do a lot of things. i need to be more honest with me, and let the chips fall where they may. i belive in not making other people act in your drama, getting rid of people who make you crazy, and clinging tightly to those i love. i'm also making more of an effort in me. i'm saying "no" more often. i'm taking care of me....and i'm doing silly little things that will make me feel prettier - when i feel pretty i seem to be able to throw off the blahs a little easier.

i put myself out there on a couple of dating sites ... and seem to attract - UGH. not so much. i'm also ready to put myself out there to look for different work....and i'm totally considering moving away to do so. North Carolina is always an option - especially charlotte or asheville...i was talking about someone to aunt tasty the other day about ruts ... and i think i'm in one. i need new. i also believe the universe provides us with what we wish for - so be VERY careful about what you put out there...

Monday 02/21/05

ok, so obviously i started working on this last night....i had one of those afternoons where i went from great to tears in about 3 seconds over something S-T-U-P-I-D....so i did what i usually do whenthat happens - put myself di-rectly in the shower ... i'm such a water baby...lakes, pools, oceans, rivers, hot tubs, bath tubs - they all seem to have a direct relation to the peace of my soul .... so i guess things could be worse - cause even when things suck before i get in - and often suck when i get out .... while i'm in the shower .... things are super good.

so i'm work on a holiday - we can work this day and take some other day as a floating holiday ... so i'll be floating- prolly in april when i go to see my favorite gay boyfriends in the world ..... it's coldish - and rainy - and the PERFECT day to be sleeping and reading ... but i can't - so i'm blogging before i get my day rolling- cause i don't feel the energy to work quite yet .... but i'm working on mug 2 of coffee ... and maybe i'll feel awake soon.


so i guess this is a rambling entry to say things are sorta icky here - but i'm trying to make the best of them. if they get too much worse - i'm taking this blog private so you don't have to listen to my bitching and complaining.

Or, a lazy-girl's blog entry.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Blue Ridge Mountains, and by house - you mean cabin.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING? my uber sexy FMP's ... and old t-shirts - i'm an enigma right?!

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? Bought?! i haven't bought one in forever - Big and Rich maybe got bless friends who download.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? for work must be up by 6 ... weekends ... as late as possible - wake up - take the dog out - back to bed.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? Fridge.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Piano...or my voice

FAVORITE COLOR? Purple, right now i'm into blues and sea greens, and as always black ..oh and hot sexy pinks.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV? don't care.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE? Definitely.

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? Charlotte's Web, and Oh! The Places You'll Go.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? To let other people's drama NOT effect my life.

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? Don't have one - got kicked out of a tat parlor with the #'s ... will get the matching 9 point star soon.

CAN YOU JUGGLE? Not even close.

THE ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? My father's mother - died way before i was born.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Any day above ground is a good one.

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR/TRUCK: Emergency bag for the dog, jumper cables, and papertowels i was too lazy to bring in last night.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Hamburger. Yes. depends on my mood

FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? fuckin duh. it's not an e-mail.

WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? see above.

WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM? stole it from #5 - aunt tasty.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? White daisies with yellow faces - NOT mums - daisy.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? Ones shared with friends.

WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? June 2.

DESCRIBE YOUR PJS. usually a ginormous t shirt.

**********

and for today sweet people, that's all i've got. went to the doc this morning- we don't like her ... but luckily i don't have to see her often.

yay.

my blog design guru seven at http://spotsy.blogspot.com/ has posted some of his favorite things to hear a woman say... i was thinking this morning about my favorite things to hear a man say.

wrote a list about it, like to hear it - here it go....

( this first one is stolen di-rectly from Jill Conner Browne )

1. honey, let ME do that.
2. no, tonight it's MY turn to fix dinner
3. i noticed it was time for an oil change, so i went ahead and did it for you
4. thanks babe.
5. what do you want to watch?
6. i'm gonna go ahead a mow the yard while you're ( doing other chore )
7. i'm going to be by there anyway, so i'll go ahead and pick up the dry cleaning
8. i'm really glad you're with me.
9. we've both worked all day, and we're both tired - let's order take out
10.ladies first ... ( wink wink, nudge nudge )
11.let's just cuddle ( trust me, do this for a while - and it WILL get you laid)
12.i told my mom we were doing the holiday with your family this year
13.coffee is ready
14.let's go for a drive - just me and you.
15.i noticed we were almost out of ( eggs, milk, whatever ) and i put it on the LIST...or even better, i stopped and got some...or EVEN better .... he (calls you before) says - i'm going to the store - is there anything else we need/want?
16. you look lovely


and i'm sure i'll think of more - and y'all will think of even better ones ....

So today I really don’t have anything to say .. and at the very least I don’t have anything funny at the moment. Not that I have anything particuarily sad either…I’m just sort of in the quiet thinking place – but I promised that I would write daily.

I’ve had a million changes and challenges this week – that really only the #’s and one other friend know about …. It’s been a very emotional/growing/challenging/horrible/and hope filled week ( and jeebus – it’s only Wednesday )

But that’s ok too – I had an assessment today with a new counselor – I have to go back on Friday to have my meds adjusted … seems crying all the time and not sleeping has returned…so some tweaking needs to be done – I’m a little scared of that …a little embarrassed…and a little pissed at God, that I can’t handle my life right now. I get the whole ‘ if you had a different disorder, you wouldn’t feel bad to have to take the meds” … and I totally agree with that but I’m still irritated.

I had lunch with my mom after and she was trying very hard not to pry into what’s going on with me…and asked if this was the kind of therapist that blamed everything on the mother - ….. ( insert your own comment here @@) and when she asked about my anxiety/panic attacks or depression … she asked if that just wasn’t a part of life – that cycles of highs and lows happen…fuckin’ duh.

But other than that - I’m pretty good at the moment – I’m feeling sorta crafty – I have the twitching to go to the bead store and see what I can create … momma is needing some new bracelets and necklaces …and I’m loving having the 2 dogs at the house- I’m gonna miss the other one when his daddy comes back home.

I hope my girls are home tonight. I’m gonna need ‘em. I can tell

So I again was looking at someone else’s blog and she had a really interesting list ( and we know how I love the list) but it’s a list of “goosebump moments” I take that to mean things that touch me ( in the good way – but not ‘necessarily’ the naughty way ) and I thought I’d like to share mine … in a way of working out of the pity party from yesterday.

These are in no particular order – and are ones I can think of at this moment in time…

• when I went to a play a couple of summers ago and my youngest goddaughter was there and saw me first and yelled out HOORAY, IT’S AL-SON.
• Last weekend when I sat in the same room with my best girlfriends
• When at the end of a church service and all the kids hold hands and sing the line ” let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me”
• The hymn “finlandia”
Finlandia.
This is my song, O God of all the nations
A song of peace for lands afar and mine
This is my home, the country where my heart is
Here are my hopes and dreams, my holy shrine
But other hearts in other lands are beating
With hopes and dreams as true and high as mine.
My country's skies are bluer than the ocean
And sunlight beams on clover leaf and pine
But other lands have sunlight, too, and clover
And skies are everywhere as blue as mine
O hear my song, thou God of all the nations
A song of peace for their land and for mine.
• The acceptance letter in to college …. And when I got my degree
• Seeing Dorothy break a board in tae kwon doe after being born with club feet and having leg casts, surgery – all that stuff…really really cool to see
• Fireworks – anytime…I love them
• When someone GOOD sings “I dreamed a dream” from les mis
• President clinton’s 1992 inaguration speech
• When I was in the mountains and came upon a prayer wheel
• The first time I saw tibetian throat singers
• The first night I spent alone in my first apartment … and the first night I spent alone after I bought my house
• Having the “cheating spoon” kiss my bare shoulder
• When you’re talking to “that boy” and he pushes the hair out of your eyes, off your forhead
• When that ray charles/harry connick jr/ elvis song plays
• Sunsets over the ocean
• The display of flags they had at Kennesaw mountain at the September 11th memorial
• Getting up to watch Lady Di’s wedding … and funeral
• Having my hair played with
• When a baby reaches out to me


And a million more I’m too sappy to mention out loud right now – or that I just want to keep them to me.

i am all over the place today in this post - and deal with it - cause jimmy crack corn - and i don't frekin' care. .........

----------------
i have had no less than 3 people stop me in the office today to tell me i look hot.

not the wow, you look good - which in my mind is followed by the ' wow , i musta looked like shit yesterday ' but the you look hot.

and i do.

yay me.
----------------

and for a pretty shitty pity filled valentines day ..... today rocks it rock star style.

i made stacey laugh to the point where we both almost coughed up lungs - dead sexy if you ask me ... not that you did ... whatever
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and i think i might start copying from sir pete a lot ( sometimes known as sir crank a lot ) and throw in todays color scheme ... cause for 2 days in a row - i haven't worn all black .... and that ain't nothing brothers and sisters...
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so back to valentine's day ... i got cards from chicago mary ( which included something pithy about not needing men for valentine's day but that extra batteries are important .... { this is quality information! } and a be-u-ti-ful card from the devilboss... so yay me ...

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oh and oh and oh and fuckin' OH .... i got a shout out from Judd ... cause i'm hot that's what. something totally dorky to be exited by - no, and shut up for even thinking it ass monkey.
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so i'm trying to think of something funny to go here ( ________ ) and i can't think of it - when i'm just talking to someone - i'm pretty frikin' funny ... but sometimes when it comes time to type - not so much ... why oh why is this ... i have an audience and i can't produce - to they make some kinda viagra for funny ... oh yeah, bourbon.

I stole this DI-rectly from Kristen's blog... so there

Let's Play 48 Questions!

This is totally lifted from someone. Can't remember who, but suffice it to say, it ain't original. Feel free to steal it, I did.

1. Your name spelled backwards: nosilla.

2. Where were your parents born? Dad-charoltte, nc Mom- washington,dc (me? San Antonio, Texas THAT'S WHAT )

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? upgraded yahoo messenger ... cause i'm all about the IM's. and a kick ass picture of me and stacey someone i j'adore doodled up for me.

4. What's your favorite restaurant? can't pick just one - but love them all - cause someone else both cooks and cleans!

5. Last time you swam in a pool? September

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Doi - being this dramatic started young.

7. How many kids do you want? I'd be happy with one. or none, whatever - i'm happy with the dog.

8. Type of music do you dislike most? Rap/polka - how's that for a combo?

9. Are you registered to vote? Abso-fuckin-lutely!

10. Do you have cable? Yep, as long as I pay the bill.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? nope

12. Ever prank call anybody? of course - then *69 happened - but i still loves me some drunk-n-dial

13. Ever get a parking ticket? Nope.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Physically? sure - mentally - i feel like a fuckin bungee jumper every goddamn day.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled? (embarassing answer to follow) New York City

16. Do you have a garden? I have an herb garden ... well it's kinda dead now so i guess technically i HAD a garden.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Rhymes with Orange.

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem? Doi ... and the home of the BraveS.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Showers in the morning. Baths everynight - of the phone if possible.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? 13 going on 30 - i know i saw it on DVD - but still - love that movie.

21. Favorite pizza toppings? shrooms and cheese, cheese, cheese, and oh yeah, cheese

22. Chips or popcorn? yes

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Black honey or pink chocolate-Clinique

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? nope...

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? um, no.

26. Orange Juice or apple? i like both but no pulp please - ick kack

27. Favorite type of chocolate bar? Symphony with toffee and almonds if we're talking drug store brands

28 When was the last time you voted at the polls? November

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? PUKE never - not on a boat not with a goat

30. Have you ever won a trophy? Yep - best hair

31. Are you a good cook? GREAT cook!

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas? yes doi.

33. Ever order an item from an infomercial? Yep, Dermablend - a rosecea girls best friend

34. Sprite or 7-up? Fresca.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? black pants white shirt ... and dreaded nametag.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? stuff for the ghetto flu

37. Ever throw up in public? does a bar bathroom count? actually no - i wait for home for that.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or to find true love? I'd prefer not to choose

39. Do you believe in love at first sight? Lust, infatuation, yes. Love, no.

40. Ever call a 1-900 number? nope

41. Can exes be friends? They are ex's for a reason. Don't muck it up with the lame "let's be friends line". Cut the ties and moooooooooooove on. ( ditto kristen )

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Christine in the hosp a couple of months ago.

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Nope, a member of the dreaded bow taped to the head club.

44. What message is on your answering machine? i'm a dork- it says mike and i can't come to the phone ...yes, mike is a dog - i know this.

45. What is in your backpack? don't have one people.

46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? am i alone?

47. What is one thing you are grateful for today? I woke up.

48. What is the first concert you ever went to? Shawn Cassidy, Charlotte Arena 1975

V-very much hate it
A-always seem to not have a man on this day
L-loser
E-even though i know that last one isn't true - it feels it
N-need (i need) to get off the pity bus
T-today is another day that i didn't wake up dead
I-i look hot today (sporting GREEN)
N-new haircolor will put a spring in a girl's step
E-excellent friends all around me

ok - that was my lame attempt at going to the happy place on a wet, rainy, icky, monday's valentine's day .... did it work?! not so much, but i have resolved to NOT listen to Al Green today ... at least for these first couple of hours at work ... then we'll see if my mood picks up.

thanks to the broad shouldered man for listening to me yesterday - it's a pretty damn cool thing. .. and to tasty for listening to me cry on the phone at 12:30 ...and for being all naked in the bathtub while she listened to me..and to chicago mary for listening to me online.. i'm trying VERY hard not to let this one stupid day not take me to the bad place.


so who wants to be my valentine?


*****
i take it back. i'm no longer interested in having a valentine. i have friends that love me. i have a dog i adore. i have good hair.

i'm done.

i'm sick of crying - ( yet thankful for waterproof mascara )

i'm gonna get on the bitter bus. i'm getting off the "what's wrong with me" bus - to the " do you realize how fucked up you are bus" { of course i reserve the right to rebus at any moment }

if i shed ONE MORE TEAR over a man that is not my father .... or a male that doesn't have 4 legs and fur ... you all have the right to shoot me in the head.

i'm sick of hearing myownself bitch and pity it up ... so i'm shutting up. i'll be back when the funny returns.


'cause here's the deal.

i'm amazing. smart. pretty. funny. honest. sweet. kind. stable. happy. well adjusted. small amount of baggage that i can carry myownfuckingself. employed. college educated. homeowner. responsible ..... and i make an AMAZING girlfriend. i'm no longer wasting my time on those who don't/can't/won't care


that's what.

I’m trying so hard not to be THAT girl.

The one who’s depressed cause it’s valentine’s day and she has no one.

But so far it’s not working.

I’ve talked at length to a dear male friend about it … and he’s a great shoulder to cry on – and god knows I’ve talked to the numbers about it – and #4 promises that I’m not going to die alone.

But it sure feels like it right now.

I have 2 men in my life. Romantically, or at least physically. The young one is a good kid and all – but he’s not it - and I’m not it for him. I think we’re remaining friends cause he’s going off to war soon – and he might as well have someone home who’s writing to him and cares about him.

And the other one – he seems to be just into it for the sex. Not that that is always a bad thing – but I’m ready for some romantical action. I want someone to work for me – and I wanna work for them. I want to be courted, romanced, wooed, instead of a “wanna watch a movie” call at 3 am …

I’m trying to listen to “men are stupid” songs to make myself feel better – but truth be told – I don’t think men are stupid. I think they marry the wrong women, and I think they overlook what is right in front of their noses, and I think they have an idea of what their friends think the woman should look like and they get hung up on that ….. but who’s to say women don’t do that too.

I know I’m rambling – but fuck it – this is my blog and can do what I want …and evidently I wanted to have a makers and coke – listen to the Dixie chicks and try not to cry …. And damnit that’s what I’m doing .. oh and make a cake – cause I’m not fat enough – but I am still hot – I just caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and it’s true.


What if we just get one right one and we never find them….or we find them – and they don’t see us – or they see us and already have obligations …. What then. When do you settle … do you always love the one you never had, or the one that got away, or the one you know you can never really have so it’s safe to pine for

When does the line cross from lonely to desperate. When do you say x,y, & z are important … then change to just needing someone with a pulse and a penis who doesn’t hit you?

I hate valentines day. Almost as much as new year’s eve.

And it’s official.

I’m lonely.
And I hate it.

this has been my weekend. and i'm dork enough to admit that it's been great.

i am dog sitting my dog's brother this weekend.. and in case anyone was wondering what to get me for my birthday- it would be another dog. i'm loving having 2 of them in the house - especially a mini mike.

and

i'm sitting with highlights processing on my hair. i'm hot that's what. christel threw some rock star colors in in last weekend - and i decided that it needed a wee bit more ... so that's what's happening this rainy sunday afternoon .... not particuarily exciting- but true.

so i had this weird ass dream last night -bad enought that i had to wake myself up from it more than once. sometimes i have a lot of trouble sleeping and when that kicks in i sometimes take melatonin. the problem i have with it - is that it sometimes gives me really funky violent dreams. these were part of what i had last night - but i didn't have any melatonin ... i did eat turkey tacos at ann and dara's house last night - so maybe that's the turkey's revenge .... who knows.

anyho, the dreams included really vivid arguments with my mother ( no shock there ) but they also included clowns. you may not know this - but I HATE CLOWNS. i hate the circus - i hate when they are outside stores to wave people in - i hate when they go visit kids at the hospital - my own church even has a clown ministry - and i won't go to services on days when i know they're going to be there .... even though they are people that i've known for years dressed up in the stupid clown gear. one time i had a woman at church come up to me and say that "she was willing to work with me thru my issues with the clowns" - i of course had to let her know that i was F-I-N-E with my clown issues and we were D-U-N with the clown conversation ... anyway i was in some sort of traveling show... and as part of a number we had to sport clown noses ... i freaked my ownself out with this - just couldn't do it ..... and seeing all those people dressed up in clown costumes was freaking me out too...then we had to go to some chapel afterwards and pray - but i had the wrong "version" of the bible so they wouldn't let me ....

should i mention this to my therapist on wednesday?!?

anyho...that's all i got for this fine sunday - i love all of you ... be sweet.

i love that word.

and that feeling.

and how you can be smitten with a million different things on a million different levels ...

like:

1.maroon 5 - totally smitten
2.my new highlights - pretty damn smitten
3.my own personal "lambada" ( or the forbidden dance ) - still way smitten despite my best efforts
4.the new totally platonic boy - total adoration smitten-ness
5. my new kate spade bag - smitten kitten
6. the scent of that new perfume 'plus one' gave me - wanna rub the smitten-ness upon me
7. a nice pinot-noir or pinot-grigio whilst in the tub...smitten
8. my hot and sexy new blog layout - survey says SMITTEN

so obviously - the hanta virus is leaving me - which is good - one week of it is enough ....

so.. yay me ... and bring on the comments people!

and happy birthday you know who.

so if you've been around for more than an hour -you probably have noticed that i am a fan of the nickname ...if you're my friend ( or mortal enemy ) you probably have a nickname from me. These are good things, they are chosen carefully - and generally last a lifetime.

Stacey ( #5 ) has a few nicknames we use for her that are all wonderful each in their own right ... but last friday...well, she gained another name.

Stacey and Lola had just ( really JUST ) gotten to my house and we had to turn around and go fetch christel .... so i'm driving stacey's car - mary is sitting next to me and stacey is laying on the backseat telling stories and laughing ..... so stacey is telling us about her new beau ... for which i am jealous....and in telling this story - she gave the punchline...and i gave the new name.

So this new man is really a mere boy ( but as i have spoken with him several times on the phone - i know he can hang and is good people ) ... and at his work there are many young things that flirt with him. By young - i mean 17 years old. In people years .. not dog years. So, the boy says to stacey " how do i tell them that they are too young, that i'm interested in people twice their age ...."

then stacey says it ...


wait....

keep waiting ....


"PLUS ONE"

get it - 17 x 2 + 1.

that is funny, i don't care who you are.

so tasty's newest nickname is "Plus One"

and i should get some sorta of special driving award for not running off the road with that one.

You Are Sensual Sexy You exude a luxiourous sensuality in your everyday lifeTurning heads every where you go, it's all about your sexy attitude.You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos.Your biggest problem is that your utra sexy self sometimes scares men away. What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Ok my turn. I still have the hanta virus/ghetto flu … but I’m also on cough medicine laced with codeine in it – so that helps …

Oh yeah, and I have a new rock star kick ass template – take that ya bitches .. how cool is that!?! Thanks Seven, it rocks …. I’ll make good on the “offer” later.

So maybe you’ve heard – I had all my girls here this weekend … man it was good stuff, there were laughs, kisses, tears, hugs, LIPGLOSS, snoring, drinking, eating, broken down cars, freezing, stories about boys, shopping, movies, drinking, shopping, laughing, hair coloring, pedicures, make up swaps, hair product swaps, make overs, kick ass hamburgers, kicked OUT of a tattoo parlor, pancakes, peanut butter marshmallow fluff, trips to krispy kreme in pajamas … and kate spade.

I think the stories of the weekend are going to trickle out little by little as small things happen that make me remember them. I tried really hard to make mental notes all weekend, not for the blog so much – just because I realize how precious this time is/was and I didn’t want to lose a moment of it .. the women I spent the weekend with are actual real life friends … those people you call first … when something good happens – call first, when something terrible happens, call first…we see each other on an individual basis far too infrequently – but as a group even more so … and this time they all came to see me – that’s really cool

And I guided them thru a random police roadblock in the ghetto. Cause I’m that kinda girl. See, I work near the MLK historical site – and we were sorta close to that … they wanted to see it – and we had to go thru this road block to get to it .. Complete with Atlanta’s finest arresting drug dealers and hookers right and left. Now, I know this happens in every city in the nation – but this was fun for me – as … as we drove about another 50 yards .. I said ( as I drove stacey’s car ) ladies look at the white building to your right …

That’s where I work.

And an audible “ we gotta get you a different job” was heard.

I miss them already.

so i don't know if you've heard - but i had my girls here this weekend. and we had more fun .. it was just like that movie ... you know the one..

there are going to be so many versions of these stories ... from all of the numbers .. and i think until i get rid of this hanta virus ... or until the codine kicks in .. i'm going to let them tell it ....

mary's will include pictures ... except for the ONE .... um, yea, no.

i miss them already.

but it sho' is quiet at night without the snoring... that's what.

my mary is coming into town TODAY!

the arrival of the girls begins THISVERYAFTERNOON!

i am so excited... i can barely contain my self... if i weren't me - i'd be SO jealous....also if you want the DnD you need to make sure i have your phone number - and face it...you WANT us to call you .... cause it's AMAZING!

so here's the plan.

laugh,,
exchange of hugs ...
introduction of mike .... these girls get to meet mike too - well lola and stacey do ... mary and christel already know him....
laugh...
start the flow of cocktails....
exchange presents ..... or at least me give my christmas presents to them ... sheesh!
laugh...
eat...
eat...
drink...
drunk and dial...

repeat!

and then comes the funniest part ... we're putting air mattresses on the floor in my den ... and actually having a slumber party.......and get this ...... the guest of honor.....RUNS A COFFEE SHOP...we're guarenteed good coffee the next morning.

try and top that... you just can't.

and that rocks it right mister.

then on saturday who knows?!

but next week .... PICTURES.... there are 5 different blogs where photos will be posted ....

yay.


ok - so truth be told - i wrote this late yesterday afternoon .. here's this morning's development - i'm getting a cold - so i'll be rocking the day quill AND beer.

i might start yelling YYYAARRRR ... and SKULL SPLITTER - just for fun!

I so wanna have something to rant about today – but I’m not feeling ranty.
Or something to be really funny and silly about – but I’m not finding the funny.


I am really happy.
That “yay” for me happy.

like when you turn on the radio and some random station is playing a song you LOVE and haven't heard in like 10 years ... and raining or not you have to roll down the windows and sing along .... then you realize that the rain on your face feels really good.

This is that day.

Mary comes to town tomorrow, and the rest of the girls … well women… grown ass women … show up on Friday. I’m going to laugh and laugh until I am in pain … and then laugh some more.

I hope that all of you have a friend or group of friends like that. Ones that feed your soul…and your mouth …. Friends with food- does it get better than that?

No.

But this is a close second – I was talking to my high school friend this week.. and he and I have both been busy and let a few days pass between emails … so I threatened to call out his entire name … and recommended that he get his “wee ass” back to GA so we could catch up over a beer…..after some ass / crack jokes … I was informed on the status of his body which included the following line.

“Don't worry, I've still got the legs and thighs and butt of a soccer player. And the upper body of a weak out of a shape person. Oh, and I can't forget: The midsection of a God-like Lover.”

This is the boy I was too chicken shit to go for in high school and some college … what a pus I was .. cause damnit that’s funny.

So today I have no rant, only this silly smile on my face when I think of the friends I have, the girls that I’d sell my lungs for, the boys who I have sweet memories of, and the friends I have on this hear new fangled machine …

Oh and thankful for “Crowded House” I love that damn band,

Hap.
Hap.
Happy Girl.


I just ordered Season Opener Tickets for YOUR World Champion Atlanta Braves. My dad and I are going to go…how frekin cool is that.

For those of you who are new – I love baseball. I love watching it on tv, going to the games, and if you’re not playing against the Braves, I’ll even root for your team. If your team is the Cubs and Greg Maddox is pitching, I’ll root for your team everytime.

I love going to the stadium. The “ted” is a pretty frickin’ cool place. Overpriced food and beer, overpriced hats and pennants…and I love it there. When I was a kid, the stadium the Braves played in was called Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. They tore it down either right before or right after the 1996 Olympics – I can’t remember … BUT before they tore it down …. They sold the seats from it in pairs. My dad and I got up early that Saturday morning - got in the truck – and went downtown to buy ours – he bought a pair for himself ( which now live in my former bedroom aka – “the baseball shrine” ) and he bought a pair for me too … they are so frekin’ cool – and I’m thrilled to have them.

So on april 8th, you’ll find me at the stadium with my dad, drinking a beer and making a rocking chair memory.

Thanks daddy.



So it was brought to my attention that I was a bit of an ass yesterday to a new friend, and for that, I’m sorry. I would never intentionally hurt your feelings or try to read something into anything you’ve said. There is someone I’d LOVE to intentionally hurt – but we’ll not talk about her at this moment – wait until this weekend when all the #’s are here and we’re loaded – then call me and ask about it – I’ll give you an earful then.

And now onto really important things … I think my hair survived … it’s pretty cute today .. and maybe not as long as it was yesterday – but it’s still long enough to qualify as not short. So that’s something – I still feel like a girl – and that’s important to ME!

And so far today – that’s all I got!



Oh yeah … DAY AFTER FREKIN’ TOMORROW – MARY GETS HERE … AND ON FRIDAY ….. ALL THE NUMBERS WILL BE HERE

LOVE IT!