Sunday 02/20/05

i always feel this need to blog daily. and honestly, i'm not sure why. maybe it's the idea of having an "audience" maybe it's because in every entry there's a little nugget of me that i need to get out. maybe it's the fear of not writing and people stop reading ... i dunno.


but i'm making an effort to find out. i'm making an effort to do a lot of things. i need to be more honest with me, and let the chips fall where they may. i belive in not making other people act in your drama, getting rid of people who make you crazy, and clinging tightly to those i love. i'm also making more of an effort in me. i'm saying "no" more often. i'm taking care of me....and i'm doing silly little things that will make me feel prettier - when i feel pretty i seem to be able to throw off the blahs a little easier.

i put myself out there on a couple of dating sites ... and seem to attract - UGH. not so much. i'm also ready to put myself out there to look for different work....and i'm totally considering moving away to do so. North Carolina is always an option - especially charlotte or asheville...i was talking about someone to aunt tasty the other day about ruts ... and i think i'm in one. i need new. i also believe the universe provides us with what we wish for - so be VERY careful about what you put out there...

Monday 02/21/05

ok, so obviously i started working on this last night....i had one of those afternoons where i went from great to tears in about 3 seconds over something S-T-U-P-I-D....so i did what i usually do whenthat happens - put myself di-rectly in the shower ... i'm such a water baby...lakes, pools, oceans, rivers, hot tubs, bath tubs - they all seem to have a direct relation to the peace of my soul .... so i guess things could be worse - cause even when things suck before i get in - and often suck when i get out .... while i'm in the shower .... things are super good.

so i'm work on a holiday - we can work this day and take some other day as a floating holiday ... so i'll be floating- prolly in april when i go to see my favorite gay boyfriends in the world ..... it's coldish - and rainy - and the PERFECT day to be sleeping and reading ... but i can't - so i'm blogging before i get my day rolling- cause i don't feel the energy to work quite yet .... but i'm working on mug 2 of coffee ... and maybe i'll feel awake soon.


so i guess this is a rambling entry to say things are sorta icky here - but i'm trying to make the best of them. if they get too much worse - i'm taking this blog private so you don't have to listen to my bitching and complaining.