Sunday, February 13, 2005

I’m trying so hard not to be THAT girl.

The one who’s depressed cause it’s valentine’s day and she has no one.

But so far it’s not working.

I’ve talked at length to a dear male friend about it … and he’s a great shoulder to cry on – and god knows I’ve talked to the numbers about it – and #4 promises that I’m not going to die alone.

But it sure feels like it right now.

I have 2 men in my life. Romantically, or at least physically. The young one is a good kid and all – but he’s not it - and I’m not it for him. I think we’re remaining friends cause he’s going off to war soon – and he might as well have someone home who’s writing to him and cares about him.

And the other one – he seems to be just into it for the sex. Not that that is always a bad thing – but I’m ready for some romantical action. I want someone to work for me – and I wanna work for them. I want to be courted, romanced, wooed, instead of a “wanna watch a movie” call at 3 am …

I’m trying to listen to “men are stupid” songs to make myself feel better – but truth be told – I don’t think men are stupid. I think they marry the wrong women, and I think they overlook what is right in front of their noses, and I think they have an idea of what their friends think the woman should look like and they get hung up on that ….. but who’s to say women don’t do that too.

I know I’m rambling – but fuck it – this is my blog and can do what I want …and evidently I wanted to have a makers and coke – listen to the Dixie chicks and try not to cry …. And damnit that’s what I’m doing .. oh and make a cake – cause I’m not fat enough – but I am still hot – I just caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and it’s true.

What if we just get one right one and we never find them….or we find them – and they don’t see us – or they see us and already have obligations …. What then. When do you settle … do you always love the one you never had, or the one that got away, or the one you know you can never really have so it’s safe to pine for

When does the line cross from lonely to desperate. When do you say x,y, & z are important … then change to just needing someone with a pulse and a penis who doesn’t hit you?

I hate valentines day. Almost as much as new year’s eve.

And it’s official.

I’m lonely.
And I hate it.

posted by Allie @ 2/13/2005 06:53:00 PM


At 7:41 PM, Blogger Smashlee said...

I hate VDay too and there is a husband involved, not that it helps any. Who made up this stupid holiday anyway? And they want to say it's all about celebrating love but that is such a lie. It's about making people feel like shit because they aren't "committed" to someone. Since when should we need another person to be happy?

Sorry, stepping off soapbox now.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger amy said...

today i went to a romantic comedy called HITCH. incredible. i left feeling of hope and much needed laughter. i came home to get an email from a creepy manic depressive who i dismissed about four months ago but he wished me a happy valentines day. my girlfriend gave me carpet spray to sop up my bathtub stench from last week's water fall from the ceiling. i am now home safe from the rain and watching "YOU'VE GOT MAIL" another nice wonderful romantic flick in hopes of someday finding my own true valentine. thinking of you allison.. i'm getting my hair colored tomorrow in honor of all girls with no valentines.. i'm doing something for ME :) ding dong.

At 11:08 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

dumb girl. the true definition of the "right one" means exactly that. he will be unnattached, not living with his mother, not gay, not have too much baggage, not be looking the worng way when the time comes and he will reach right into your heart and swallow your soul. and being around him will be like nausea and a fuzzy bathrobe all at the same time.

be patient my sweet. once you quit looking, he will smack right into you. i promise.

meanwhile, will YOU be MY valentime?

At 11:20 PM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

There's a great article about this in Oprah's magazine this month. It's called "Things not to say to a single woman over 35" or something like that. Why I didn't make you read it when I had it AT YOUR HOUSE is beyond me. I guess we had lots of other stuff going on then, huh?

Anyway, allow me to REITERATE (I just said "reiterate." I don't know what that means.) that YOU, yes, YOU Martha Allison, are not going to die alone. I'm about to give it to ya straight. And we know I'm the resident expert in "straight."

1. Being unmarried is not the same thing as being alone. There's lots of times that you're alone when you're married, too. Which, incidentally, doesn't give you the right to take advantage of nice girls who have a heart full of love to give and happen NOT TO BE YOUR WI
FE. (Yeah, and he knows who he is, that's what.)

2. I know it sounds like a cliche, but the best way to find a man is to stop looking so hard for one. You're more likely to attract a HEALTHY relationship with a man who doesn't have BAGGAGE if you are content with who you are. (Have I mentioned I HATE that guy for breaking your heart over and over again and then making you feel guilty everytime you say it's over?)

3. According to the article I referenced previously, part of the trick to this whole thing is to change your mentality about it. I'm not saying it's a Pollyanna deal where you embrace your singleness or some bullshit like that. The article suggests that simply stopping with the "Why can't I find anyone to love me?" and changing questions changes how you approach the problem. The article suggests specifically that instead of looking for someone to love YOU, you should look for someone for YOU TO LOVE. That simple step makes it not about what you perceive your flaws to be, but about the heart full of love that you have to give to someone else.

What number am I on? OH, yes, OF COURSE:
4. You are not alone. A whole bunch of really awesome people love you more than air and chocolate. So how cool does that make YOU? Don't sell yourself short. You're a great person, and the guy who is so lucky to have you hung up on him right now TOTALLY does not deserve the love that you're so willing to give him in spite of the fact that it's so wrong for you. I hate to say it, but you're not going to be able to focus on loving someone else until you decide that you're not going to waste your love on HIM anymore.

I love you. If today was payday, I'd send you 3 dozen roses right to your office with a card from a Secret Admirer so that all the girls in your office would IMPLODE from jealousy. And you'd deserve every single rose.

At 1:06 AM, Blogger amy said...

feb.14th it's official 12:03 AM
happy valentine's day. i thank you for your wonderful friendship .... through our blogs. have an amazing week. love inky

At 2:02 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

So what's wrong with the guy whose shoulders you cry on? I bet they're big, broad, muscular, swoon-worthy shoulders. I bet he's smitten with you and you just can't see it.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger M'Ary* said...


We love you. Got any sausage?



At 8:51 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

mary - i'maneed you to step away from my tex.

At 9:28 AM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

Oh, I don't want him. I just felt compelled to inquire about the status of the sausage on your behalf. And have I mentioned how CUTE you look today?

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Tasty said...

I'm thinking a couple of things here:

A.) I love the Christel, don't you?
B.) That Texas guy... Hmm.

At 12:25 PM, Blogger devilboss said...

I hope someone at least sent you a really cute, home made Valentine! ;-)

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

i have heard about these excellent cards - but i have not gotten one yet - maybe the mailman will make my day .... who knows?? :)

At 3:14 PM, Blogger devilboss said...

Oh I hope I don't have to come and kick the mailmans ass. I will you know!


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