I’m trying so hard not to be THAT girl.

The one who’s depressed cause it’s valentine’s day and she has no one.

But so far it’s not working.

I’ve talked at length to a dear male friend about it … and he’s a great shoulder to cry on – and god knows I’ve talked to the numbers about it – and #4 promises that I’m not going to die alone.

But it sure feels like it right now.

I have 2 men in my life. Romantically, or at least physically. The young one is a good kid and all – but he’s not it - and I’m not it for him. I think we’re remaining friends cause he’s going off to war soon – and he might as well have someone home who’s writing to him and cares about him.

And the other one – he seems to be just into it for the sex. Not that that is always a bad thing – but I’m ready for some romantical action. I want someone to work for me – and I wanna work for them. I want to be courted, romanced, wooed, instead of a “wanna watch a movie” call at 3 am …

I’m trying to listen to “men are stupid” songs to make myself feel better – but truth be told – I don’t think men are stupid. I think they marry the wrong women, and I think they overlook what is right in front of their noses, and I think they have an idea of what their friends think the woman should look like and they get hung up on that ….. but who’s to say women don’t do that too.

I know I’m rambling – but fuck it – this is my blog and can do what I want …and evidently I wanted to have a makers and coke – listen to the Dixie chicks and try not to cry …. And damnit that’s what I’m doing .. oh and make a cake – cause I’m not fat enough – but I am still hot – I just caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and it’s true.


What if we just get one right one and we never find them….or we find them – and they don’t see us – or they see us and already have obligations …. What then. When do you settle … do you always love the one you never had, or the one that got away, or the one you know you can never really have so it’s safe to pine for

When does the line cross from lonely to desperate. When do you say x,y, & z are important … then change to just needing someone with a pulse and a penis who doesn’t hit you?

I hate valentines day. Almost as much as new year’s eve.

And it’s official.

I’m lonely.
And I hate it.