So I haven't talked much on here..And I'm not sure why ... But it's my thoughts about my spiritual life

* disclaimer - these are MY thoughts ( again MY thoughts ) I'm not asking anyone to agree or understand - I'm sorta writing this for me - so hear me now - I don't need anyone trying to "save" me or anything like that ... Me and the big JC are peachy! )*

now I have been pretty candid about the trials and stuggles I've been going thru in the last year or so ... And really really REALLY in the past few months. The immediate financial crisis is over now, I am employed ( at least today - we're never guaranteed tomorrow's job - but you know what I mean ), I have an amazing support network of friends, family, and my family of choice is frekin' amazing.

I have realized that something had dropped off in my life. My church going. I attend a Unity church ... To me it's one of those that can be seen as odd or strange or whatever, and to me it's a liberal interpretation of the bible - and maybe not even liberal ... Just asking people to look at things another way. ( sidebar - I'm REAL sure Jesus was a liberal ... But again my opinion - my blog - I'm allowed to have them ).. You may be familiar with the daily word that they publish.

I will say that I did NOT in ANY way grow up in a religious house. I think I could count on one hand the number of times I went to church with my family growing up. That used to make me feel a little different - since I'm really way southern ... And you know how southern people are about church ... Not God necessarily .. But to be seen at church ) In fact I didn't go to church until I turned 23 ... And a friends mother-in-law recommended this particular church thinking it might be a good fit.

and she was right.

and started attending, then joined the choir, and realized the human-ness of people involved in church. I tend to believe that people who CHOOSE to live a life in the church should somehow act less human. It took me a good long time ( and I still fail miserably sometimes with it ) to realize that sometimes people act WAY more with their human side than their spiritual side ... And that just because they work in a church - doesn't mean they always do the best thing. I know it sounds silly or childish - but I really do expect church folks to act better - to be the model.....But they're on a path of learning too...


ANYWAY

I realized last night that I haven't been to church since before Christmas.

OH MY GOOD GOOKLY MOOKLY.

so, that's one of the main things I'm working on changing. I'm conflicted about it -because while I ADORE the minister at my church, I love his sermons, I've been to him for counseling, and think he's fantastic. I no longer feel that that church is my "home" anymore. And I've been shopping for another church ...Well I say I was shopping, evidently I was participating in services to St. Mattress. There is a church of my denomination just down the street - and in the past it hasn't been my favorite choice .... There is a new minister there starting in March, so I'm seriously thinking about going there .... But then I still wanna hear my minister speak - crappy music and all. So I'm a little conflicted about what to do - but I'm going to take active steps - movement is good and I'm sure I can feel what is going to be the right thing for me to do once I start taking steps forward - so yay me.

so in addition to the therapy and medication, I'm renewing my commitment to myself and my relationship with God.

I still plan on drinking and cussing - that'll never change ... But maybe being in the company of like minded people for a few hours a week and some reading/studying will bring back that peace in my soul that I think I turned away from.