someone wrote on his blog that he would say 2004 was the best year ever only because he hasn't experienced 2005 yet ..... ok i can't say that ... 2004 for the most part sucked a donkey's ass. But i feel very optimistic about 2005.

stacey ( http://soonthebandwagon.blogspot.com ) has a great list of resolutions that i think i can actually achieve ... and they're worth a look ... but here are some things that i am going to not resolve to do ... cause i already do them - but i'm going to continue to do.

1. tell the people i love - that i love them everyday...they need never question how i feel about them.

2. get rid of the extra baggage in my life ... i have a sign on my desk ( i'm a social worker remember ) that says "if i'm working harder on your life than YOU are ... something is wrong" i'm translating that into - if i'm working harder on this friendship than you are .... i gotta go.

3. do what i need to do and not be so concerned with what other people will think.

4. to find the humor in all situations - without joking i would actually die.

5. have more sex.


I hope 2005 finds you happier than you could ever imagine. I had a dear, sweet, wonderful, funny, and sexy ass friend say to me this year that he wished for me to be "scrumptiously deliciously happy" and that my people is what i wish for each and everyone of you ....

and more sex.

"What a friend we have in Mary ... all our blogs to pretty up

what a privilidge to know her... now bend over and let's ......... "

how pretty is this - a new layout for a new year ... I'm very excited!

Thanks sweet girl! It's LOVE-R-LY

Jerry Orbach died last night.

I loved that guy.

A great musical theater actor .... and on my very favorite show of all time, Law and Order.

I named my dog after his partner on the show - and the next dog i get, i've for years planned on naming Lennie .....

What an amazing life ... I'll miss him very very much.

Rest In Peace.

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,15604,00.html?eol.tkr

"Try To Remember"

Try to remember the kind of September

when life was slow and oh, so mellow.

Try to remember the kind of September

when grass was green and grain was yellow.

Try to remember the kind of September

when you were a tender and callow fellow,

Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

that no one wept except the willow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

thatdreams were kept beside your pillow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

thatlove was an ember about to billow.

Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember

altho you know the snow will follow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember

without the hurt the heart is hollow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember

the fire of September that made us mellow.

Deep in December our hearts should remember and follow.

we talked the whole night thru good morning, good morning to you.

see, when they did that in "Singing In The Rain" they were happy about it.

Me, not so much.

And if by "talked the whole night thru" they meant going to sleep, then waking up 2 hours later - not able to go back to sleep, no one you know on line to chat with, too late to call anyone, watching infomercials, and playing the "if i go to sleep RIGHT NOW - i can sleep for 45 minutes before i have to go to work" ... then that is what i did.

So, for no apparent reason, i'm back on the no sleeping bus. and i hate it - i was ass monkey tired last night - i took all the christmas decorations down, drug the tree outside, walked the dog, visited with the neighbor's, did housework, chatted on line, and talked on the phone for a while ..... and STILL - sleep for 2 hours - up for another 5 ... it sucks rocks. Since i started the 'zac - insomnia was really no longer a problem in my life .... until this last week or so.

Part of me thinks it's because i was SUCH a stress monkey for a while there that the non stress has fucked up my sleep .... i don't know what to do with the state of relaxation....excellent problem FOR SURE ... but sheesh - i'd like to sleep even just like 5 hours in a row ..... i remember what that was like and it was awesome ........

i did however learn that i really do wanna try
1. Proactive
2. Bare Minerals or the Leeza Gibbons one
3. EVERY hair product on the market ... both hair removal and hair styling....
4. those silly ass nail polish pens that "I" so could not operate with my non primary hand


and none of
1. of the exercise things
2. those chicken breast looking bra things
3. anything to make cleaning my car easier
4. the 9 million dollar vaccumes - that still will not pick up all of mike's hair
5. natural viagra stuff that will make a man ... ahem... 'concentrate' for up to 4 hours ...um, no thank you.
6. those stupid ass spatchula/whisk/pasta remover things...


so it seems like i really should get that TV outta my room....

This is the face of an irrigated/IRRITATED/and yet still fabulous woman. (thank you stacey)I wrote some funny funny shit and then my computer went all wonky and kicked me off line and I of course lost it all. So now I’m trying to recreate some of it – while working in word so that maybe if this happens again, I can salvage some of it … but what sucks is some of it was really fuckin funny.


Anyhow, lemme see – I first wanted to wish everyone a happy week after Christmas – and hope everyone’s holiday of choice was a good one. I’m at work this week – and note I didn’t say I was working – just AT work – big differences there. I’ve been reading some blogs and diaries this weekend and have seen that many people are talking about New Year’s Resolutions and remembrances of 2004 – so who am I to go against the establishment.

So, as we all know – I adore the list …. And I’ve composed sorta a quasi list of what I liked and disliked about 2004 and changes in store for 2005

*My favorite line from 2004 … this was a late entry in the year – in fact is happened just last week by the newly out big gay husband “ judgment doesn’t look good on anyone and it certainly doesn’t go with those shoes” ok that is just plain funny. We love Dave. Honorable Mention – happened just last night “fuck-a doodle-doo” try to say that and not giggle.


Favorite Hair Color from 2004 – That super funky burgundy that the rock star did for me when she visited … runner up – Feria – French Roast ( goes along nicely with my love of the coffee products ) - and it matches mary's color - could that BE more right? um, nope/

And again, big thanks and love to all my friends – and a HUGE hug to Christine for doing what she did. Pretty fuckin’ cool.

So … let’s look at resolutions …

exercise – I will exercise less restraint in telling people what I think of them. If I adore you, you know it. If I don’t – believe it or not, I DO hold back. But I think that’s going to stop. I don’t know if it’s a southern thing, a woman thing, and sometimes red-head thing or what. But I tend to go to the “ I respect where you’re coming from, but I respectfully disagree”….ok that’s stopping. If I think you’re a fuckwit. I’m going to tell you. I will count to 10, be sure to mean what I’m saying - but I will say it … my advice to you is if you hear me counting – walk away DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK, but walk away. I may use phrases you know – and I might use some that are special to just me. Know this, if I call you a “shellfish loving dentist”…. You are now dead to me.

eating right – I, like many women with big boobs sometimes have trouble getting the food over the boobs and into the mouth. I’m gonna work on that. And will therefore be eating “right”

I will not date boys I don’t like just for the free meal. ( note – I reserve the right to change this at any moment as needed ) and note I didn’t say I would not date for the free drinks … it’s just the meal I’m cutting out … sorta. ( I am kinda broke – and I do like to eat out … so …. Well, this one isn’t looking too good)

Get back to going to church most every Sunday ( and NOT the Church of St. Mattress, or the Church of Charles Kuralt ) but remember if God is in your heart – wherever you are is technically church … so if I’ve had a big night before and don’t feel like putting on pantyhose … I’m still actually ‘at’ church even if I’m not in the building right?

Try to NOT give a damn. Spend NO energy on those whose mere presence on the planet pisses me off, the fact that they still breathe seems unfair. Fuck em.

Continue on the never ending quest to find the perfect shade of auburn hair … one day I’ll find it I’m sure … and until I do – I need to make sure the fine people at L’oreal still have jobs …

I’m sure there are more that I could come up with – but see, we have NO CREAMER at the office –and I’m coffee less … so this is best I’ve got for the moment.

Happy New Year people! I love you all….
Allison

blogger ate my fuckin post - and i of course didn't save it.

fuck.

be back later with an update.

fuck.

ok, so this isn't an entry about Jesus .... or Ralphie ....or Rudolph ....

it's about ME .... and really - that's what we've come to expect from this blog isn't it ....

so this year in many ways has been the worst of my life. i started it out of work, self esteem in the toilet, acting out in all manner of self destructive ways, hated myself, had lost my funny, the depression was KICKIN' .... but i still had my friends to hold me up. One day when things were awful, really awful - i had cried my eyes out and the doorbell rang. I was sure it was some kind of nasty bill collector letter - or something worse ..... but no. It was a gift certificate to my favorite spa in atlanta www.spasydell.com ....followed by a card filled with over 300 dollars. Please know that probably 70% of the people who sent money in this card i had never "met" they were friends i had met thru a messageboard about a book www.sweetpotatoqueens.com - do you hear me - people i didn't even know in flesh and blood cared for my happiness - when i felt alone and worthless... amazing.

I have friends that will call just to laugh .... to make me laugh ... to tell me that they love me (sidebar - if we become 'phone friends' or 'real friends' go ahead and prepare yourself for this - i tell ALL my friends that i love them when i hang up the phone or say goodbye- if you're my friend...you will know it - i will always tell you i love you) I have friends that will invite you to dinner - and come pick you up because you can't afford the gas money to get to them. Friends that send you care packages that include treats for your dog, that will send ten dollars and say " this is for chocolate and magazines only" .... and friends that let you love them back in the best way you can ... when you can't match them dollar for dollar. Friends that also will cry on your shoulder and let you be there for them.

I found a job FINALLY the day before my birthday - perhaps the best birthday present i'd ever gotten. The adjustment to the job was difficult...but i'm having fun. I laugh to the point of tears each and everyday - and that my friend doesn't suck ..... and with the job i finally had insurance again - and took the leap to begin my dance with prozac.... which may be the 3rd best thing that's ever happened to me. I felt guilty for taking it for a long time, like it was a charactor flaw - and i'd talk to people who said, my doctor recommened "X" for me - but i decided it wasn't worth the risk. To that i say - you weren't depressed. Down maybe, sad - sure ....not depressed. Not unable to get out of the bed...crying all day long...miserable. Prozac is a good thing.

I also have some great parents that i was less than a great daughter to. I have this awful pride, and i don't like to ask for help, and that foolish pride almost tore us all apart, this past week has been pointed, painful, and hopefilled all at the same time.

I also fell in love this year. Haven't fallen out of love yet - but got SMACKED in the head with the reality stick - and it's all going to be ok...we're all going to be ok.

I have one very best friend who risked our entire relationship this past week to do something for me that i was unable to do for myself. I will never be able to thank her enough.

I am at times your basic new age nightmare - but i do believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. That I have a circle of friends that could only have been delivered to me by a Higher Being. I have been allowed the opportunity to start over, to begin anew, to breathe...and I WILL NOT TAKE A MOMENT OF IT FOR GRANTED.

To all my friends, especially Christine, Stacey, Lauren, Christel, Dande, Ann, Dara, Chaz, Greg, and Mary. I love you more than i can possibly say. This has been a most difficult time, and you have stood by me, held me up, wiped my tears, patted my head, told me i'd be ok, listened to me cry on the phone, sat in my den with me and listened WITHOUT ANY JUDGEMENT as i told you things i haven't told my therapist, the safety and love you have showed can never be expressed, measured, or understood. With every breath I thank God for you.


My Christmas wish has been answered time and time again with the smiles of friends, the love of family, and the feeling i now have of hope. I wish that and more for each and everyone of you.

I wish all of us a new year filled with peace, hope, love, calm, joy, laughter, bliss, love, and puppy kisses.

i love you all.
Merry Christmas,
Allison

why is it that the people who claim to be so wise and have all the answers have such a fucked up life? i know of one person who speaks on what friends do and don't do ... and yet she has no "long term" friends .... who has the answer for everything ... and yet her life is fucked up ... it just makes me wonder. who talks about people in 'groups' or but then she is in one herself .... does the bitterness happen when someone thinks you can't live without them, when the reality is you didn't want them in your life in the first place and the fact that they're not there causes you NOTHING but bliss?? when you're so sure that you're so fucking right all the time that you use words as weapons that go off without notice or aim? just curious?

I know my life has it's own challenges and struggles - but i never claimed to have all the answers. I have some answers ... and as i've said before - i can form an opinion like THAT ... but then i don't force that opinion on everyone else .... ok- i'm done now. i think.


**************************************************************


I was going to do this whole "year in review" thing this morning - but then i realized that i'm just not feeling that introspective quite yet - and i'm still in the market for some funny so i have to think up something different. I usually check my home email account before i leave for work in the morning and when i first pull up the internet - the home page has the days news and "interesting" facts.

Today's interesting fact included the results of an "expirament" that someone did and published a book on ..... about the corealation between what breed of dog a man owns and how that person would be as a spouse ... i shit you not.

Now, I tend to think that anyone with a dog is good people in my book ( and this is assuming that they treat their dogs well - cause if they don't , i will find out and i will kill them...it's only a matter of when) I personally am a fan of the big dog. My dog is a rescue dog - a mix of Black Lab and Chow. He's about 80 pounds and 3 years old - and just damn perfect for me. I'm a fan of pretty much all dogs- but like most things - the bigger the better for me ... (shut up)

There's a man who lives in my neighborhood who is a BIG man - like 6'5" and 300+ and i see him every night when i'm walking my dog ... and he has a wee teeny dog. like a toy poodle. and it makes me laugh everytime. It just doesn't seem to match up .....

but back to my point. ( and i do have one - shut up) i think you can tell a lot about a man that has an animal - there's a certain responsibility needed to take care of a pet ... and by pet. I mean dog.

I'm allergic to cats. I think they're cute and all - but looking at one makes me sneeze. That plus getting the cat bite this summer and the infection and all of that ...yea, not such a fan. I think birds should be outside. I get that they are beautiful and all of that - but for some reason having them in the house - freaks the crap outta me.

Let me say this so you can hear me. SNAKES ARE NOT PETS. and chicago mary - RATS ARE NOT PETS. ... i don't care that your child has some pedigree rat that she got at some fancypants animal show - RATS ARE NOT PETS. i will not/can not/won't come visit you until the rat is gone. and i'm not comfortable with YOU in a house where there is a known rat. Giving it a cute name and buying it toys does not make it any less of a rat.

Lauren - don't read this next bit....

I can tolerate fish as a pet - i have no problem with that ...

But i still say - a man with a dog. This is a good thing.

feeling a little christmas-y.

of course i just listened to the Chaunakka...er...hanuakka..er..chaka khan song.... but it' so much fun to celebrate chaunaka - and oh yeah - we're so NOT working today, drinking coffee and eating christmas cookies so it could be worse.

We had our 'team' Christmas luncheon yesterday at a cajun restaurant on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD - oh my damn it couldn't have been further away and still have been in atlanta...but with a bucketfull of fried crawfish ... really - who's going to complain? We did our gift exchange and I got some of my favorite stuff - from ORIGINS ( which makes me think of Kimmy and how much i miss talking to her) but it's the 'Ginger' body souffle ... and it smells so good - i just want to CRAWL in the tub of it...if you get near me you should take a sniff - cause damn i smell GOOD. (sidebar - thanks to stacey for turning me on to this scent ....tee hee - i said stacey and turn on)

**ok my christmas mood just changed - i'm listening to yahoo radio and the christmas station - and they're playing a jessica simpson/ nick whatever duet of "baby it's cold outside" ... i have to go throw up - and i'll be back shortly.**

ok - that's been fixed.

I'm pretty damn sure when Jessica Simpson sings -

it makes the baby Jesus cry.

now that that's been taken care of ... back to the subject at hand .. which believe it or not is going to be cereal.

yes that's right, cereal.

so i have this very new and pretty damn good friend who sends me a "song of the day" everyday ( fuckin' duh. or it would be called something else - like the song of every 3rd day ) ANYWAY - he sent a great song to me yesterday morning after we had talked some on sunday and he knew what a difficult weekend i had. when i wrote him to thank him i said it was a great way to start a day - kinda like a healthy breakfast ..... to which he responded he's like a good bowl of fiber that way ....... and i said - no more like Apple Cinnamon Cheerios .... and that got me thinking .... what sorta cereal would best describe you? my friend says "trix" for me .... ( but that's just cause he's bitter that i have a webcam and still wont' show him by boobs! )

so what cereal are you??

NOT PROOF READ OR SPELL CHECKED - DEAL WITH IT.

christmas? well yes, but that's not what i'm talking about.
new years eve? again, yes ( and ick - but that's another entry)
time to make resolutions for the new year... well sure - but that's not what i mean either ....

It's time to pick a new calendar ...

i know this doesn't sound like a big deal but i believe that a calendar says a lot about a person ( again, like their purse or shoes - but that's another story also)

There are lots of types of calendar's available. Let's look at a couple shall we?

1. The Bikini Girl Wall Calendar - this is made for boys of all ages, who will never have a woman that looks like the women in those calendars ( sidebar - the women in those calendars don't look like those women - it's called airbrushing.....besides at the end of the day .... those fake boobs will implode, explode, or just get hard- and boobs are supposed to move )

2. The Pop Star Calendar - this can be for boys or girls / men or women. an object of lust can be a good thing to get the day rolling ... just be prepared for any and all comments ... ( does it sound like i know what i'm talking about ... yes it does ... being in your 30's with a calendar of Justin Timberlake can take explaining but DAMN he's pretty ..)

3. The "horse's" Calendar - unless you are a. a cowboy/ cowgirl, b. work in a feed store, c. a vet, or d. a 13 year old girl ... skip the horse calendar - just cause i said so. case closed.

4. The Dilbert Calendar - ok i have to admit, this one works on lots of levels, esp, if you work in a cube farm like me - but then chances are you work for someone that will NOT see the humor - or think you're making fun of where you work ... so i say get the small one of this - just for your entertainment

5. The children with big sad eyes - if you have this one, let me know so i can arrange someone to come and beat your ass down. i'm so NOT kidding.

6. The Travel Calendar - this is both good and bad - the fantasy of travel ( say to Ireland, if anyone wants to take me anywhere ) is great... it's an excellent timekiller ..and great day dream fodder - the one draw back is that if you're really depressed about not going anywhere - the repeated pictures of The Emerald Isle can eventually break your heart.

7. The Art-y One - If you know anything about art, like the pictures, or know the artist - these are great. If you think it will make you look smart, it won't ... if you think that it'll make you look more sophicated, it won't. The actual art will.

8. The Inspirational Sayings - One Day at a Time, Keep on Truckin', There is no "i" in team, "hang in there" - ok, so i don't know about you - these fuckin' things make me wanna kill - don't get them - just don't,

9. The Religious Stuff - If you're religious, or spiritual yay and good for you. If you have to be reminded with a calendar - you may want to consider some introspection ... cause the outward trappings mean nothing - and if you have to TELL me how religious you are - i'm going to have to TELL you to shut the fuck up.

10. The Self-Help - Dr. Phil doesn't like you, he doesn't give a crap about you. don't give him your money.,

11. The Word of the Day - not a bad idea in and of itself. but i'd be more interested in something like a "curse word in a foreign language" of the day kinda thing - but then i like to curse.

12. The Financial Planner - if you've known me for more than 20 seconds - you know i have no business even talking about this one.

13. The Teen Idol that no one over 14 has heard of - if you're over 14, don't get it = you'll look like a pedaphile

14. The Dog /Kitty / Rabbit in a basket calendar - too cute, too irritating, if you're a man with this you're gay, if you're a woman - you'll always be single. Appropriate only for nursery schools or nursing homes.

15. The beach/mountains - see travel calendar comments.

16. The expensive car - i'm sorry your penis is so small - but this calendar impresses no one.

it's either work, or blog.

and blogging seems to be winning. and here's my question about the wonderful world of the internet.

i love it.

i'm a fan of the e-mail, chatrooms, instant messenging, webcams, voice chat - all that jazz. i know that myveryownpersonalself and #3ky have assumed alter ego and played swat swat swipe with boys ( or we assume they're boys ) in chat rooms - one poor boy in an S&M room wanted us to own him... it got more than a little creepy so we took off ... but anyway - i think lots of people have alter egos and "real" screen names - my main yahoo id is pretty much my actual name. The profile is me, nothing added, nothing taken away, nothing indicating that i want a hook up. The "alternate" one is not really a too terribly tacky name - but it's got an 'ahem' interesting photo that does garner the tacky hey howdies ... and i'm ok with that too - that's sorta the point... and little ego boost ....


but back to my point... and i do have one .....

i'm online last night talking with a friend on the regular screen name... and i got an IM from someone who's name was something along the lines of BigHardCock4U. WHAT THE FUCK? has anyone ever seen that and gone - YES, i'm sure that's the one i'm looking for - cause if he say's it's huge - it's gotta be ..... then another guy IM'd with - 'married man visiting atlanta looking for real sex fun - perimeter area' ......ok correct me if i'm wrong - and i may be - but i'm hearing that what he's looking for is a hooker....and i guess if that's your bag - there's nothing wrong with that ... but - i'm not a hooker - and there's nothing in that screen name to imply that i would be a hooker .... and if i was - it wouldn't be for free mister - SOMEONE WOULD PAY.


just got me thinking is all ... does that actually work for a hook up?

ok - first of all if i knew how to do those sexy direct linky things i would send y'all right over to M'Ary*'s blog.. actually i think i'm gonna try it ...http://1000windingroads.blogspot.com damn - didn't work - but anywhere go there - it's about me and some of my funnier than all manner of hell friends...and written by one of my funnier than all hell friends...and i'm trying to decide if i should be pissed that she's so funny or not ... but since the source of part of the funny in this entry is ME - i'm going to be ok with it ... and i have some new martha allison-ism to add to the venacular this week....

so last night was good - date night for allie...anyone that shows up with a 12 pack of beer and a mushroom pizza AND wants to make out.... yeah, i'ma need him to come over more often.

and again this morning with the friday morning staff meeting/training.... at least this time we were all in a silly mood and there was lots of laughter save for one person ... at since i don't feel like having the "DOOCE" experience ( go see her blog - link on the side bar) i'm not going to talk about her or that little bit of work at the office. but call me at home and i'll tell ALL... ALL i say MUHAAAAAAAAA!

ok so what else - nothing .... i got nothing - but we're going to go eat fried chicken and greens at lunch - and that should inspire something .... the wish for the sweet release of death if nothing else.!

love it, live it, kiss it, spank it
Bitchcakes!

and we really do need to thank teeny for that nickname.

so i think i've said that i'm in a phone phase lately - where i'm talking to my friends and giggling like a 13 year old girl ( as opposed to giggling like a 45 year old man ) ... and i have added back IM'ing into the mix and my tv watching has suffered terribly.

the room i have my computer in is also my "craft" room ( and i don't mean that in a Can't Remember A Fucking Thing) kinda way, i mean in a sewing, drawing, painting, beading kinda way. this room does have tv, but doesn't have cable in it - so I either listen to shows that are in syndacation while chatting on line - or since i HATE when people watch tv or pay attention to something else when i'm talking to them ( i mean I'm listening to You - You can listen to ME) and when i'm yakking on the phone i have to do the same thing ( turn off the tv that is ) UNLESS lauren and i are watching the same show at the same time and commenting ( yeah, that 13 year old girl thing again ) anyway, i had a point - what was it ... oh yeah,

i have no idea about what's on most prime time TV ... but last night i was beaten into submission to watch "lost" ... um yea, I can't be friends with the guy that made me watch that anymore...for the following reasons.

1. i never ever want to fly again
2. now i have to be scared of invisible monsters
3. polar bears in the jungle - what the fuck
4. i don't understand why all the female survivors have perfect makeup after a plane crash
5. there was only one fat person on the plane - i've seen my people - more of us than that travel
6. the cute man from party of 5 had perfectly symmetrical wounds on his face from the wreck - and that can't be right.
7. i'm not sure what happened to that dog that i saw for a moment - but if they hurt that goddamned dog - you can bet your life that i'll NOT watch more of that
8. i'm sure there's an 8, i just can't think of what it is right now.


ok - and let's see ... then i saw commericals for the last episode ( i think ) of "The 'real' Gilligan's Island" - first let me say - what the fuck ... followed by how did Rachel Hunter get on this show - i mean i have eyes, i know she's beautiful .. but i'm confused - what does the "winner" of this show get .. and why did she agree to do it - so if anyone in blogland is an actual friend of hers - find out for me ..... then see if she knows the EXACT kind of hairspray her ex-hubby uses .. cause he still looks great....

other than that - let's see - oh, i made pancakes for dinner last night - PUMPKIN PANCAKES did you hear me people pumpkin pancakes... if you know me, you know i LOVE pancakes - and pumpkin ones are even better - come visit me and i'll make them for you ... but i had a moment of homemaker embarassment - i realized that i had only make the 'cakeies with a mix - so i had to call holly homemaker on crack ( aka M'Ary* ) and get a recipe for real from scratch pancakes .. and holy mary mother of fuck me they were good! so good they didn't need syrup - i mean i put syrup on them ( i feel about syrup the same way i feel about a sauce - if you don't know my opinion on sauces ... just ask ) I normally say when something is that good that i want to rub it on me ... but i'm gonna have to steal a line from stacey today and say the cakies were so good i WANT TO GET IN THEM!

so that's my report.
1. pancakes good
2. current tv ( with the noted exception of Desperate Housewives ) bad.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6717610/?GT1=5936

so i think i abused my dog this morning.

not in a bad way - or in a farmer way either .... but in a sorta fun - this just might be worth being late for work kinda way.

see, my dog sleeps on my bed with me ( no shock there i'm sure ) and every morning i sit there and pet him for a few minutes before i get up to start the day. this morning i sat up ( and mind you it's pitch black in my room ) and as i'm rubbing his belly - i notice those cool ass little static electricity sparks .... and i COULDN'T STOP RUBBING AND PETTING HIM .... it was like my own little acid induced light show - but i wasn't on any drugs and could control the show. it was fascinating .... and yay- now i have a new hobby.

so anyway on to the subject at hand ... cubicle farms... as i look around my very own wee cubicle i see how someone could look in it and get a sorta clear idea of who i am ... as i inventory the toys and decorations and all here's a partial list.

1. bumpersticker - "fat people are harder to kidnap"
2. cartoon of 2 men at a bar and one is saying "i used to give a damn, but now they have a patch for that"
3. lots of pictures of the #3's ... and a 4 or 5
4. lots of pictures of mike
5. pictures of my goddaughters - at my birthday with my krispy kreme doughnut cake
6, mirror with glitter around the frame
7. cards from friends
8. a cartoon of a woman and a dog where she says " sit, stay, make up for everything that is wrong with my life"
9. a sign that says "there are no bubble baths in prison"
10. Kerry/edwards stickers and a clinton/gore button
11. a maya angelou poem ( and not the one i bet y'all are guessing it is)
12. an irish blessing that says " may the sun always shine on your window pane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. may the hand of a friend always be near you, and may your heart be filled with gladness to cheer you"....( i can't decide if that's sweet enough to be sweet - or sweet enough to make me wanna gag)
13. a basket full of lipgloss
14. actual work related crap.
15. purple pen with feathers on it that ashless gave me like a year ago ... i love that damn pen
16. hand sanitzer crap ( i work with the great unwashed)
17. really tacky post it notes
18. a tiara, yes really a tiara.
19. and various christmas cards....
20. a black lab "budda"
21. and a 'Mr. Right'- with saying lke - "it's not your fault it's mine"

i'm pretty fuckin' cool now that i look around and see what's what - but i do need to bring more pics and stuff in here at the first of the year ... and a poster of ireland - if anyone wants to send me one - lemme know and i'll send you my addy .... actually any and all gifts are appreciated....

so live it, love it, kiss it, spank it.
bitchcakes!

i sorta feel a list coming on, but then what's left to list?

* i could speak again of my love of coffee
* about my never ending fascination of Jason Mraz ( like i think we could actually be friends )
* my pride at my ability to finally add links and what not to this blog
* my ability to actually be friends with 'that boy'
* how in wonder and awe i am at having such amazing girlfriends, i mean really - people would be lucky to have one like this - and i have several

wait, that sorta is a list - well not sorta, it IS a list.

so here's something interesting, i was emailing with an old friend yesterday and we were discussing the differences between labels used for men and women .... like if a woman has a few social 'ahem' indiscressions she's a slut or slutty or skanky or whatever .... but a guy is a stud or just plain lucky or whatever. what is that about?!? just something i'm pondering....

tex also has be thinking about the differences in communication via the written word and the spoken word. although i'm a great fan of the instant messenger - i really do prefer phone conversations because i think sometimes i don't come accross the way i mean to in print. like flirting - i know i've spoken of this before - but i'm a flirter - i flirt with everyone, and i love it. i banter back and forth with the guys at work ... my girlfriends and i always talk about how were going to make out with each other ...i joke all the time about showing my boobs ( ok, that i do ... but still )anyho, one friend thought i needed to pull in the flirting with someone i was posting with on line - because he didn't seem responsive - where i didn't get that impression at all - but then i'm not 'really' flirting - just playing...and i think he too -neither of us are serious - but it made me wonder how i come accross in print.

i have several real life friends who read this and they know and get me - but i have some only online friends, some i only know thru the phone, and other's only email... but i hope in all the jokes some of the 'real' me comes thru

someone who is

* sometimes funny
* sometimes sad
* sometimes flirty ( ok usually flirty )
* sometimes has lapses in good judgement, but is a good person
* deeply influenced by her emotions
* looking for love, hoping to find it, enjoying where she is now
* generally sweet - but with the ability to go bitchcakes when needed
* knows the truth about who she is

anyway - that's all i have for the moment... that and i need some rockstar sex ..any takers?

someone asked me what i was going to blog about today .. and i said i really didn't know - maybe about the elvis show - maybe about something interesting that happened on the way to work - or i might have to pull something out of the vault.

and still i'm not sure what to write about ..... i did have a pretty good weekend which involved going to see an Elvis impersonator in Gainesville, GA. ( which in itself is a story ) but my friends mom rented a big ass limo/van - looks like a van from the outside and a limo inside .... full of champagne, beer, bourbon, and gin..{ there are worse ways to travel } but i gotta tell you - that thing was made for making out. Plush leather sofa seats - soft "rope" lighting on the roof - windows that had shades that roll down - excellent make out machine - but alas i was there with women and the obligatory gay men - 2 of which fell instantly in love with me ( of course ) in fact i think i got engaged to one on the way home .... cause i remember him saying " i think this means we're engaged - and i replied - i'd like a spring wedding before it gets too hot"....

but back to Elvis. This place is an old motel from the 50's at a lake in north georgia... they have a buffet for dinner of ALL fried food {and i'm so not kidding }... and then the elvis show - the gold lame elvis, the black leather elvis, and the krispy kreme elvis ... it really is funny. He doesn't take himself seriously at all - which is a good idea since it's a family run joint and elvis is also cooking the catfish - it's sorta strange to see elvis cook, the perform, then as he's closing the show - starting to bus the tables. But it was fun - we brought a life size elvis cutout with us -and we all got our picture taken with it ... and in true elvis style - all the women got scarves from the 'king' .... what is funny is all of us who were 30ish knew when to stop drinking alcohol and move to water or tea - so when it was over we were all feeling fine, and the older ones there - were drunk off their ass ... which was funny for a while - then it became - " will the old people sit down and shut the fuck up, pleaseandthankyou." we had the 'elvis' sign our cardboard cutout and we decided that we'd have each impersonator we saw sign it too ( and yes, this means we'll prolly see many many more in our time ... but i'm ok with that -cause damnit, it's funny ... and as long as they don't take themselves seriously and know it's fun too - life is good )

i had a little case of the lonely's while on the dance floor - it was the whole group of girls dancing thing - and i SO SO SO want to slow dance with a man. To have his hand in mine, or on my back, and swaying to the music ( al green anyone? ), and to smell his cologne ... the thought of it makes me all swoony. and i do so love to swoon. and slow dance. with a good smelling man. ( just an FYI if anybody knows anyone for me, i'm just sayin')

sunday was good - i slept late and went over to a co-workers house to visit for a while .. that's always fun... and let's see what else ... oh yes desperate housewives was on - you can't go wrong with that.

but i still wanna dance.


"dance a little closer to me
dance a little closer now
dance a little closer tonight

dance a little closer to me
well it's closing time
and love's on sale tonight at this five and dime"

well that's a dramatic title - but let's just say yesterday was NOT a good day a the casa de allie. this is what my day looked like

5:30 - alarm goes off, get up take dog out, go to brush teeth...start crying

5:45 - get back in bed, go back to sleep

8:00 - call work and tell them work isn't going to happen

10:30 - get up, put on enough clothes to go pick up prozac refill

11:30 - back to bed

1:30 - up and snack

2:00 - back to bed

7:00 - wake up, eat dinner

10:30 - back to bed.



**********************************************************

but today is a different day and i'm' trying to feel better ... and so far i'm faking it pretty well. last night stacey and i were yakkin' on the phone { duh - we do that like everynight } but we got on the subject of baggage. Like the baggage we carry around with us that effects our relationships.

I have a friend who coined the phrase ( or if she didn't coin it - i heard it from her first so she gets credit for it ) "that girl's got baggage, and that baggage ain't got no wheels" that phrase still makes me giggle. Stacey and i then, in that nerdy way we do - broke the baggage down into several categories.

1. backpack
2. fanny-pack
3. carry on
4. 21" roller
5. big ass suitcase
6. steamer trunk
7. those "pod" things for storage
8. cardboard box held together with duct tape and boogers.

so, let's look at all of these and see where we fall in the baggage continuum.

1. backpack - all of us have this baggage. it's the sorta easy stuff that we carry around with us- and we can totally function in life - have use of both hands ... but when it gets too heavy, it can be hard to get up and after a while your back will start to hurt.

example: hurt from an old boyfriend who maybe said something that hurt you, but you didn't tell him or he didn't know it was an issue - you don't really acknowledge it and you move on. but sometimes the next person will say the same things and the pack gets a little heavier.

2. fannypack - the extra fat that we get after a breakup, someone hurts us to the core, we're disappointed in ourselves or others, and the subsequent delight in the frozen style crack known as ben and jerry's One Sweet whirled.

example: guy that you dig thinks of you as " friend", " nice", "sweet" and uses you as the sounding board for what should he do for the girl he really likes. .. you help out, and inside you die a little bit - and get a big butt from the ice cream.

3. 21" roller - the only good thing about this one is the fact that it does have wheels. you have a lot of crap to carry around....can usually be traced back to parent issues.

example: dad took off on mom so you always sorta figure men will take off OR you refuse to take off cause daddy did and you live in misery as a martyr instead. makes for fun holidays...and lots of anger disguised as jokes

4. big ass suitcase- this is getting bad people. this is married to the wrong person, have kids - wish you didn't....stuff you can't carry around without involving other people and making them carry it for a while.

example: raging alcoholic .... not even thinking about going to meetings - cause meetings are for quitters, and you're no quitter

5. steamer trunk - aren't those the things that people used to pack things on the Titanic. 'Nuff said.

6. Pod thing - this is for when you have SO MUCH SHIT it no longer fits in your personal self - you actually have to store it....

example: you're gay and married to a woman or man ( depending on type of gay ) there are no wheels on this, it's not able to be carried, it HAS to be dealt with, but for a while and a fee - you can keep it somewhere else for a while.

7. cardboard box - initially stacey suggested that this is held together with duct tape - i think it's more likely to be held together with boogers - cause it's that poorly constructed - it's carried around - but subject to being destroyed by any element at hand - too much sun, wind, water, snow.....it is a proverbial house of cards and can be crushed at any moment .... worst kind.....


and that's the lesson for the day - perhaps later this afternoon i'll go on my annual rant about the dreaded holiday sweater

{ NEVER acceptable unless you teach kindergarten or sunday school }

ok that's my morning. you're updated now.

i listened to lyle in the car, stopped at ( as my friend's child called it for years "chick-a-fay", and i got to wear pants again today - since my mom bought me several pairs this weekend.

see, i'm a skirt wearer. everyday. the whole stocking skirt high heels nightmare.

and everyday this week, i've been on the pants bus ( that sounded dirty - but you know what i mean) and oh my damn i love it....the ability to find the joy in the little things like this is what keeps me from killing or at least maiming other people. that and the fact that we have coffee again in the office the locals had an uprising and demanded the wicked caffeine ... actually we just gathered pennies unitl we had enough coin to buy our own stuff.

i'm trying to think of something topical to cover this morning ... or some issue that is sticking in my craw ... or something that's making me do the happy dance today...or something funny - and none of that is really kickin in.

i did have an excellent conversation with a new friend last night, and that's always a good thing - and i pick up a refill on the 'zac tonight - so that's good too.

but i'm gonna try something new.

i need topic suggestions, as many of you know - i need not be bothered by facts or reason or logic to form my opinion - so whatever the issue is - i'll be able to speak on it.

i'm just needin' the topic...so bring it on.

consider yourself warned.

I'm feelin' good this morning - which is a nice change of pace from the hormone induced nightmare that was yesterday - but i will give myself big credit for one thing. I usually do not require other people to act in my drama. it's a one woman show and i keep it thata way.

i talked with DB for a while last night and that was good - cause i haven't done that in a while - and i was missing her funny ass - then ( of course ) i talked with mary about 10 times...and talked for a while with stacey. i'm so lucky to have friends i can completely be ME with. no show. no performance. no pretention. just me. and they like me for just me. when i'm funny and when i'm not ( not that the not part is very often mind you )

stacey and i were discussing how lucky we are to realize that we never have to date "ted". everyone knows a "ted" and there was one time where i thought "ted" was all i was ever gonna get and i was ok ( not really ) with that. Hell, stacey married "ted" ... i'm glad i avoided that. and now she's out of that and he's someone else's albatross. and for that all the lord's people said AMEN.

for a while it seems like i was not all that particular in who i went out with or spent my time with ( manly speaking ) i was of the "sure, let's go out, why not" philosophy ... also known as the you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. then i realized that to buy into that whole prince charming thing - you have to believe that you need to be rescued from something. and with that type of thinking, you can only equate happiness to being with someone .... and that other person is what defines you. and i don't believe that anymore. i know i used to , and i don't know when i changed my mind on that .... but i'm glad i did. Now, please don't get me wrong. I still want to be with that "forever" guy... i like being a couple. and i'm a kick ass girlfriend, with the right guy - but i'm also ok with how things are right now. i want someone that doesn't want to be saved or mothered either ..... and i'm sure there's one or two of them left out there..

i think back to those days when we ( or at least i ) made these extensive lists of what i was looking for in a husband. i actually have one of those lists in a paper diary at home - and to look at it is pretty funny .... and i think now to what's important. and it's SO different ..... of course looks are to be considered .....cause well, cause they are - but some things are actually SO much more important - like can he carry on a decent conversation? ... does he make me laugh? .... is he aware of what's going on in the world? .... can he be honest? it's sorta one of those situations where you realize how much more attractive someone is ( male or female ) that can do those things ... or maybe it's just me.. ... but i think that's part of what i like about these blogs ... it's a peek into a moment of honesty and commentary - i like both of those things.

...i can tell this is going to be one of those entries i add to as the day goes on ... so check back ... i might eventually be funny or witty or smart.

that sounded dirty.

i have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

this is not always a good thing.

but i did forget to mention something that was so funny i laughed so loud that mike left the room. i was talking to my new friend ( who's name is mike to confuse things further ) anyway ... he said something, and i followed with an "amen", and he said "praise the lord", and i said" hallalu" and he took too long to come up with something good and i said you're taking too long .. to which he replied

.... there's no hurry, i have anytime minutes with God.

now damnit, that's funny.

i had to get up and write that one down.

this is going to be one of those detailed play by play entries... or at least it's going to start that way ( but then knowing me - it will fall into general terms and end abruptly - but i'm honest with it at least, and that has to count for something right?)

so friday night i babysat my goddaughters ... they are 4 and 8 years old ... and SO damn cute. the older one D had a tae kwan do test - so i went to pick them up and got to see her test ... wait i'm getting ahead of myself...i get to the tae kwan do center and open the door - and the 4 year old "L" RUNS to me - throws her arms around my legs and says " they said you were coming here, i'm so happy" TRY TO TOP THAT PEOPLE!! Then I went in to watch D and her classmates test (sidebar - the instructor is hot in that really good with kids way that us singletons in our 30's find so sexy) so i'm sitting on the floor and L is in my lap - she cannot get close enough to me - pulling my arms around her - hugging me - all of that ....again, not too shabby. So after the test ... we get the carseat loaded up in my car - kids seatbelted up ... and i say - so what's for dinner ... to which the older one pipes up "ravioli" so i ask - where do you wanna get that ... she asks .." are we going out" me - DUH. and they both yell "CHINESE" ... so off to dinner.

these kids were PERFECT at dinner - we laughed, told stories, talked about school, talked about christmas .... was great ...

loaded back in the car - and we're off to swing by my house to let the dog out - and take him back up to their house with us ... so while we're in the car - sitting in the parking lot trying to make a left .... i repeat tinyhands story ( located at http://www.tinyhands.blogspot.com ) ( if that link is cranky go to the link on the sidebar - his blog is called "as told to (your name here) about his teacher saying "this is what you don't do....and followed of course by this is what you DO do" ... ok the doo doo joke was a hit. the older one almost wet her pants laughing. she was doing that unabashed laugh at the top of her lungs of pure joy. i wish i had taped it so i could listen to that when i'm feeling blue. Then a few moments would pass and you'd hear her mumble "doo doo" in the back seat and start laughing again. Again, i dare you to try and top that.

ok, we go by my house - i change into comfy non work clothes, grab up the dog, load up the car and we hit the road ... and are On The Road Again.... which they know from 9 gabillion road trips with me and their mom - we sing like this "on the road again, lalalalalalala road again, lalalalalala, road again, lalalalalalala road again - on the road again ( sung ala The Kathy and Mo show { you look very very pretty tonight } ) if you're familiar. the the joke telling starts - with my personal favorite " if you're an american when you go in the bathroom and you're an american when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're IN the bathroon - you're a peein' ( damnit people, that's funny) then a quick lesson on how "the classics never die" which i made them repeat ala church service. so we discuss the plans for the rest of the evening - and i ask - what y'all wanna do ? D asks if we can watch a movie - me... sure. she says - but it's already late ( 8:30) and we're not home yet - and our bed time is soon. to which my response is ( naturally ) momma ain't here ... you know my rules are different. So this was my suggestion. As soon as we get home - go put on your pj - grab a pillow and a blanket - we'll open up the sofa bed and watch a movie - if you fall asleep while it's on - you can stay there - and if not - just go to bed when it's over.

so we got home - they changed - i popped popcorn, got chocolate milk all around... and we all piled up in the bed for Shrek 2 .... ok - if you thought it couldn't get any cuter - you were wrong ... it was the cutest thing possible - my uterus is still begging for children from the cuteness of it all.

then best of all things happen - their mom and dad came home - snuck some money in my purse for gas $ and the dog and i went home all alone. yay yay yay.


saturday, mom and i went christmas and allison shopping. then to lunch ... then i did a little shopping myown self - i was supposed to see johnny #5 this weekend - but a family crisis happened - so no go on that one .. but that's ok ..... so mike and i went and looked at christmas lights and watched crap on tv....and ate ice cream with magic shell. and my friend from japan called me ... but missed me-and i'm not returning that call.. :)

so sunday - some sleeping in ... skipping church... had a little headache action - so wasn't feeling 100% .. but did manage to go to walgreen in my pj's to pick up a few things ... and back home to sofa surf... the main accomplishment of the day was the coloring of the hair.

all in all - not too shabby ... even if the story did get weak at the end ....

but

oh oh oh ... i should have a good story next monday too - C's mom had invited me to go with them and about 15 other people in a rented limo to go look at the lights in gainesville ga - THE TO THE ELVIS IMPERSONATOR .... and child, that is FUN. so if i "know" you- expect a drunk phone call ... and if i don't have your number - expect a hungover post.

well i do.

first of all, right when you walk in the door ...

BLAM.

MAKEUP.

i adore makeup. not in a scary tammy faye kinda way. not in a scary goth child kaboki (sic) kinda way ... but in an, "I can't lose a ton of weight by this afternoon, but i CAN have a new lipgloss and feel pretty kinda way" i so should work for a cosmetics company. i really do love the stuff .. i feel in the makeup aisle the way a painter feels on the paint aisle of the local art supply store .... i love looking at the colors and stuff....it's just plain good stuff.

then you make your way to the end of the aisle and

BLAM

stuff to make your feet cute.
now if the men (man?) who reads this can't relate to the make up part ...PLEASE relate to the cute feet part. ALL PEOPLE appreciate nice feet. you don't have to have the whole polished toe extravaganza if that's not your thing - but smooth feet are always appreciated.....in all situations ... and men, here's another tip - ladies notice your feet. everytime. we notice. it says a LOT about you. we're not looking for "size" we're looking to see if your feet have seen a scrub brush or pumice stone in recent history ... i'm just saying. ( and don't worry - being seen buying a pumice store and lotion for the tootsies will NOT make you gay )

ok - so we have nice make up and cute feet - what's next

BLAM

hair stuff. happiness in a bottle. you can make your hair smell like pineapples, coconuts, lilacs, make the curly straight, make the straight shiny, hot oil or condition yourself into oblivion. these are all good thing - the women like the compliments from men about their good smelling hair - and the women appreciate a man who smells better than head and shoulders.... and hell, at most stores, if your hair is short - you can buy yourself some travel hair and have whip appeal within 30 seconds.

and here's where it get good ... turn another corner

BLAM

9 GABILLION soaps, bath gels,lotions, loofas, sugar scrubs, terry towels, razors, shave gels, exfoliators, smoothers, bubble baths, body butters....i mean come ON people. who doesn't feel better about just about EVERYTHING after a kick ass shower or bubble bath....even my dog gets a little spring in his step after a nice bath. not to mention 128 gabillion types of things to wash the makeup off with, tone, scrub, remove zits from, mask, and soothe your face with

( know where this is heading .... turn another corner)

BLAM

candy. fucking candy. as far as the eye can see. candy. hard candy. soft candy. chocolate. sugar free crap ( why bother - but that's another entry alltogether ) gi normous candy bars, wee tiny bars, bags of candy, single pieces, gum, mints, mints so hot they'll rip your mouth clean off, candy for kids, ( that grown ups like too ), the new stuff that most of the companies seem to be making in white chocolate these days {sidebar: is this a great country or what}.

corner....BLAM

stomach remedies for all that candy.
band aids for overzealous hair removal.
tylenol for everything else.

then.....

MAGAZINES. fashion, car, home, biker, music, photography, naked men, naked women, magazines for pet owners, parents, chocolate lovers, for people with short hair, blonde hair, african-american hair, curly hair, soap opera watchers, crafters, anything.

and while i'm leaving a million school supplies, toys, dancing hamsters, baby supplies, snacks, feminine products, and eyeglass repair kits out .... let's not forget that most stores also carry ICE CREAM

you can get makeup, stuff to wash the makeup off with, bath gel, lotion, razors, shampoo, conditioner, hair gel, hair dryer, hair spray, fake hair, make up, pumice stones, candy, magazines, cigarettes, lottery tickets, purple glitter pens, silly keychains, a dancing hamster AND ice cream all in one place.

we may have a moron for president - but i still say we have the best country in the world.

which is both good and bad.

nothing has either amused me or irritated me enough to have to write about it today. a few people brought in coffee pots from home, so there's coffee this morning - i'm listening to David Gray..we're going for the GINORMOUS burritoes ( is that an "es" or an "s" for plural ? ) at "welcome to MOE'S" so that doesn't suck.

but i have the urge to write this morning anyway - actually more than the real urge to write - i have the urge to check back later for comments ... cause i'm a comment whore. i love to check back and see how many comments i have ... but not enough to sign up for that blog explosion thing - mostly cause i don't want the ads on the page .... although i would like jack around with the template some - but i don't know how ... lauren and stacey helped out with the counter and the friends listing

so anyway - if i think of something worth saying - i'll say it later ... for now ... it's just me and the oatmeal.

there's mountain dew CODE RED

i'm not sure what "code red" is.

i watch enough ER to know what code blue is

i think there's some kinda national security color code thing

there's smog and pollution alerts that are color coded.

but all i know is the code red mountain dew is tasty, although i also liked their orange version - but i must admit - i haven't tried the black one ... cause something about that is just plain wrong.

not that the regular one that looks like anti-freeze is really a good idea ... should your drinks glow?

and we're also out of forks at the office - so lunch today consisted of peanut butter crackers and said mountain dew - is that wrong?!

and i'm listening to the "soul classics" channel on VH1 radio ... but before that we had a sing along in the office with 2 great classics ...

1. The heat is on ... cause it's frekin' hot in this office .....
the
2. Vogue... cause it's fun to sing ... and of course it's fun to bump and grind it ...

ok - that's all i have until the caffeine and sugar kicks in

love and all that shit.
allie