NOT PROOF READ OR SPELL CHECKED - DEAL WITH IT.

christmas? well yes, but that's not what i'm talking about.
new years eve? again, yes ( and ick - but that's another entry)
time to make resolutions for the new year... well sure - but that's not what i mean either ....

It's time to pick a new calendar ...

i know this doesn't sound like a big deal but i believe that a calendar says a lot about a person ( again, like their purse or shoes - but that's another story also)

There are lots of types of calendar's available. Let's look at a couple shall we?

1. The Bikini Girl Wall Calendar - this is made for boys of all ages, who will never have a woman that looks like the women in those calendars ( sidebar - the women in those calendars don't look like those women - it's called airbrushing.....besides at the end of the day .... those fake boobs will implode, explode, or just get hard- and boobs are supposed to move )

2. The Pop Star Calendar - this can be for boys or girls / men or women. an object of lust can be a good thing to get the day rolling ... just be prepared for any and all comments ... ( does it sound like i know what i'm talking about ... yes it does ... being in your 30's with a calendar of Justin Timberlake can take explaining but DAMN he's pretty ..)

3. The "horse's" Calendar - unless you are a. a cowboy/ cowgirl, b. work in a feed store, c. a vet, or d. a 13 year old girl ... skip the horse calendar - just cause i said so. case closed.

4. The Dilbert Calendar - ok i have to admit, this one works on lots of levels, esp, if you work in a cube farm like me - but then chances are you work for someone that will NOT see the humor - or think you're making fun of where you work ... so i say get the small one of this - just for your entertainment

5. The children with big sad eyes - if you have this one, let me know so i can arrange someone to come and beat your ass down. i'm so NOT kidding.

6. The Travel Calendar - this is both good and bad - the fantasy of travel ( say to Ireland, if anyone wants to take me anywhere ) is great... it's an excellent timekiller ..and great day dream fodder - the one draw back is that if you're really depressed about not going anywhere - the repeated pictures of The Emerald Isle can eventually break your heart.

7. The Art-y One - If you know anything about art, like the pictures, or know the artist - these are great. If you think it will make you look smart, it won't ... if you think that it'll make you look more sophicated, it won't. The actual art will.

8. The Inspirational Sayings - One Day at a Time, Keep on Truckin', There is no "i" in team, "hang in there" - ok, so i don't know about you - these fuckin' things make me wanna kill - don't get them - just don't,

9. The Religious Stuff - If you're religious, or spiritual yay and good for you. If you have to be reminded with a calendar - you may want to consider some introspection ... cause the outward trappings mean nothing - and if you have to TELL me how religious you are - i'm going to have to TELL you to shut the fuck up.

10. The Self-Help - Dr. Phil doesn't like you, he doesn't give a crap about you. don't give him your money.,

11. The Word of the Day - not a bad idea in and of itself. but i'd be more interested in something like a "curse word in a foreign language" of the day kinda thing - but then i like to curse.

12. The Financial Planner - if you've known me for more than 20 seconds - you know i have no business even talking about this one.

13. The Teen Idol that no one over 14 has heard of - if you're over 14, don't get it = you'll look like a pedaphile

14. The Dog /Kitty / Rabbit in a basket calendar - too cute, too irritating, if you're a man with this you're gay, if you're a woman - you'll always be single. Appropriate only for nursery schools or nursing homes.

15. The beach/mountains - see travel calendar comments.

16. The expensive car - i'm sorry your penis is so small - but this calendar impresses no one.