an actual stamp that says "sucker"

'cause i'd like to see what others see, and by others, i mean men.

There are 2 men i have to take shit from.
1. Jesus.
2. My daddy.

It's been my experience that Jesus doesn't hand out much shit, and right now dad isn't doing it either. So that leaves the rest of you.

So, I got stood up (again) for my "birthday dinner" with X. Note I said "again". This part of it is my mistake. He should have been dead to me at stand up #1. My day was going along just fine. Felt cute - rockin a new kicky haircut, makeup looked good, and I was looking forward to the best burger and ice cold beer marietta georgia had to offer. And I'm sitting on the sofa reading a Sylvia Browne book ( shut up, they're actually really interesting if you're into the psychic stuff like I am ) and i'm reading, reading, reading.

5:00
5:15
5:30

now, x and i are casual about most dates, after work means, yes this is the day we're going out - and i'll ( meaning he ) will call as soon as he hits the car after work ( like 5:01) and we'll finalize etc.

at 6:00, i call him. voice mail. I hang up. 6:01 he calls back "i'm still at the office" me, " you didn't know that was going to happen at 5?" - him, all mopy and blah, says can i call you later, i could use a friend to talk to.

REALLY!?!?

I just got stood up for my FUCKING BIRTHDAY, and you need someone to talk to.

I had an offer for a first date with who is i'm sure a nice enough guy, but i said NO, I have plans. I didn't realize at that time that the plans were going to be for me to be cooking supper and walking the dog alone. And crying, big ugly cry - the I ACTUALLY CALLED MY MOTHER ABOUT IT cry.

Now, I know that he has to at least go into the active shunning pile now. ( and was THIS close to giving lola his cell phone number ) , I also know I have to figure out what is wrong with me.

I don't let women friends treat me like shit, or talk to me in any kinda way. But I let men.

Men consistently ( and no, i don't mean you) disappoint me, and yet, I feel like I need one to be 'complete'.

I'm so scared of never being married, never having a family of my own. But I don't think I believe in marriage. I know of almost none that work out.

I'm scared of being the crazy dog lady, with little teeny dogs that she pushes around in a stroller.

I'm scared I already met "the" guy - and missed him 'cause I was looking the other way. I'm scared that cause of REALLY bad choices I made, my karma ( and maybe dharma ) is so fucked up that I won't be 'allowed' a mate.

What if Al Green dies before a man I love dances with me at one of his concerts?

What if I never get to hold my baby girl and dance around the den to "Tupelo Honey"?

What if this is as good as it's ever going to be?

wanna know how i know,

1. it's hotter than the hammered down hinges of hell
2. people with NO business wearing tank tops are wearing them
and most importantly
3. i bought the first watermelon of the season today, and it's in the icebox right now getting good and cold for the cook out. ( note i did NOT say bbq...but that's another blog for another day )


now what i need is the soundtrack for summer 2006.

your input is requested...
so far i'm thinking of

Tempted, Squeeze ( notice it's on every list i make?)
Rand McNally, Jason Mraz
Tell Me Something Good, Chaka Khan
Under the Boardwalk, The Drifters?
Goodbye Earl, Dixie Chicks
Waterloo, ABBA
Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani
September, Earth Wind & Fire
Sir Duke, Stevie Wonder
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, Big & Rich

but i need MORE MORE MORE....please hit me with your ideas, and maybe i'll beg and plead and lola will make me a mix cd.

I'm not even gonna try to tan.

Cause seriously, I can't do it. It's like quantum physics...as in I can't do that either.( and i'm not even sure that i spelled it right )

I know some people who can tan beautifully ( read: Stacey ) but me, I have 3 different skin shades.

1. Snow White (seriously, i'm SO white)
2. Painful lobster red
3. Peeling, and really, that's a dead sexy look

I'm normally so totally ok with my uber-paleness. I've even learned how to make it work for me, but somewhere around late april of every year, when it starts to get warm here in the deep south, the siren song of the tanned skin calls out to me. Most years I foolishly listen and start the summer off in a shade not unlike a homegrown mater.

But, not this year. This year, I'm surrendering to it. I'm pale, fair, pasty, whatever name you want for it. I'm not getting in a tanning bed, i'm not mystic orange tanning, i'm not putting on anything less that 45spf on when i'm outside at the pool, and no less that 30 for everyday wear ( just like everyday)... now june will be like january.

And i'm going to quit wishing for different.

Like Will Smith said in Men in Black, "I make this look good"

...ah, love.

a portal into hell ( i said portal ).

i have many people in my life going thru many phases of the romantic love 'thang' ( and NO i WILL NOT take the pins out of the doll, so tell him to quit asking - in fact i'm pretty sure lola is adding more as we speak, and i'm not above getting colleen involved )

but with that said, why am i jealous of a friend's love, and sad on the loss of another friends love....and why do i wanna find mine so damn bad? and i'm finding myself listening to these 'longing' songs...and i wanna sing and feel the 'in love' songs. i wanna get married and have babies and all that irritating crap ( MINUS the minivan ) why can't i have it. i'm having YET another birthday next week and i think i'm running out of time until "spinster" is an appropriate adjective.

Not green and fat. Just fat.

Actually it's not that hard to be fat, it is sometimes hard for the non-fat world to accept the fat.

Now, no worries, this isn't a woe unto me, woe to the fat girl blog.

Cause anyone who knows me, knows i'm pretty cool with who i am...but this afternoon i noticed something interesting. I was online looking for my daily dose of fashion, beauty, and hair articles. I wanted to look up some stuff bout the 'big boned girl', so i foolishly typed "BBW" into the seach engine. BLAMO, it's a porn hootnanny. Now, while i'm not a prude by any measure, I was more interested in a REAL string of pearls rather than ... well you know. As I scrolled down the list of websites, a blub for one particiular site caught my eye. The site was "Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ". This was their "definition" of BBW.



BBW, an initialism for "Big Beautiful Woman", denotes an attractive, self-confident "woman of size". BBWs are also the focus of a subculture with interests centered on the acceptance, support, and admiration of obese women. Exceptionally large women are called SSBBWs, with the SS standing for "super size". The term "BHM," which stands for "big handsome man," is not nearly as prevalent as the term "BBW."

Men who are attracted to BBWs are known as "chubby chasers," "fat admirers," or simply "having a fat fetish." Some of these men are attracted exclusively to BBWs, while others are simply attracted to good-looking women regardless of size.

The term BBW spread rapidly via the Internet during the 1990s. Although the original meaning of BBW was restricted to attractive full-figured women, the term has largely been corrupted to refer to any full-figured or overweight woman, whether she is attractive or not.

Most BBW websites are pornographic, and feature women who are barely overweight to those who are morbidly obese.

BBW has many near-synonyms with varying shades of meaning. "Rubenesque" (referring to the art of Peter Paul Rubens , known for portraying full-bodied women) is probably the closest synonym. "Full figured" has a more straightforward connotations, whereas "voluptuous" and "zaftig" usually connote ripeness, sensuality, ample bust and wide hips.

I think you can tell what parts of this article bothered me. First that there has to be a name given to men who would DARE to find a fat chick cute. How about just being able recognize that a woman is cute. The same way a redhead, or blonde, or brunette, or anyone else can be cute - without having a title.

and that BBW is mostly found in porn sites. Seriously, that makes me tired.

2 women on the phone shrieking with laugher, and the woman on the other end of the phone says to me some of my favorite words “you are the funniest girl I know, write this down”

we decided we’d work together and combine the funny while following on the theme of the evening. As you may or may not know, we’re both Jesus freaks…both in an Anne lamott kinda way – mine is a little more new agey, (Stacey’s {I am talking about Stacey here} is a wonderful headpin of conservative written in red Jesus-ness …. And allowing her inner new age nightmare that is pushing her way out..) Anyway, as the Lord has the best sense of humor going and as we turned to the scripture, we found the funny.

The bible is a great source of guidelines, parables, Truths, and just plain ol’ good ideas. Here’s one of ‘em … and how men with their simple minds, limit what a great guideline this little nugget of scripture tells us.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[b]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my 14Do not be yoked together people." 2 Corinthians 6:14 (New International Version)


Now among the folks down here in the buckle of the bible belt – that is taken to mean strictly that a believer should not marry a non believer – since it’ll never work out ….and in theory it’s not an awful idea – BUT I know many a husband that say, refuses to eat mushrooms, and yet the wife loves em…and little by little sneaks ‘em in there – and before you know it – folks, we got us a mushroom eater. I think you’ll find Jesus can work the same way – but that’s a different story for a different day.


Stacey and I giggled about “equally yoked”….and of course we had our own definitions of “equally yoked”

1. You should have equal vocabulary skills. Example: At the last numbers summit, a boy called my house and I made a wise crack ( insert shock here ) and started giggling, he didn’t get what I was laughing about and I said “never mind, it was just a euphemism” his response. “ I don’t know what euphemism means.” Seriously, do we need a better example?

2. Sometimes we find the deepest truths in movies. Case in point “What about Bob?” Here’s the nugget of wisdom than can help determine yoked-ness. “ there are 2 kinds of people in the world, those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t”

3. Operate under the belief that white people can/should sing the blues? ( and sidebar, I’m not convinced that Taylor Hicks ain’t black, and I mean that as a very good thing)

4. Are you the kinda person that says “bless you” when someone, ANYONE sneezes? I think you can tell a lot about a person with this simple nicety.

5. Are both people clinically depressed moody motherfuckers? Cause seriously, if you are, it won’t work. One person needs to be stable. Trust me.

So these are a FEW of my examples of “equally yoked” …. Think I’ll be asked to teach VBS this summer?

this was a good week.

my favorite cousin ( with wife ) was in town this weekend. lemme say this, my cousin married well. cause she's SO one of us.

let me relay my very favorite example.

L is a 1st grade teacher, but NOT the theme sweater, jumper wearin', squishy type of teacher. she's a rock star training the next generation of rock stars. she has the right idea about recess. her theory states that recess is for playing so unless you're either A. bleeding or B. barfing - do NOT go bother her during that time. And to this end, she has a custom made baseball cap to wear during this magical time.

On the front it says "NO" and on the back it says "GO PLAY"


God. i love that girl


We ate and ate ( cause while they're thin ... we're still related, and we gotta eat ) and we also went to a store that's like porn for us OCD organizers .... The Container Store. It's like labeled crack. She and I went around that store squeeeeeeeeling like schoolgirls and saying 'look at this box! it has a place RIGHT HERE for the label....a built in place. It's what heaven must be like.... clear plastic boxes and totally organized closets.

And while my poor cousin had to be in classes, L and I went to the zoo. We took bets in the car for who could knock down more kids and what the price points were for each child injured. Good Times. It was Panda-o-Rama day. We spent lots and lots of quality time with those beautiful creatures, and the female may be pregnant ( this of course was not our responsibility - but a point of interest )...and they had goats in the petting zoo. We know how much i love the wee goat.

They came to back to my house to meet mike and to go to dinner with mom....MUCH laughing.

How much do i love the MUCH laughing?!?! a whole bunch lot, that's what.

and today, today was mother's day. a very nice one in the world of allie, had lunch with the folks, mom loved her present... and then we went to the Indian Festival in Canton, GA. We haven't been there in several years, was wonderful - beautiful dances, fantastic drum circles, and say it with me FRY BREAD.

and, daddy bought me a beautiful pair of earrings - a total suprize...and totally appreciated.

This weekend we celebrated my oldest Goddaughter’s birthday. I can’t believe she’s 10 years old. I remember when she was soo very wee and tiny…sigh ( insert voice over singing “sunrise, sunset” here ). I'm really proud of the young lady she's turning into. I like to think it's cause of me, but her mom has done her fair share too...and yeah, her daddy isn't terrible either.

The party was fantastic and in a very cool place that I can’t believe I didn’t think of. It’s a fantastic boutique, and get this idea….the kids went upstairs where they had a salon. The girls got their hair done, then makeup, then manicures, then they had a Mariah Carey size closet of clothes and accessories to dress up with THEN… they had ‘fashion’ pictures taken and went down to the boutique and did a fashion show …. I mean seriously, could I BE more into this crap?? You know I was checking out all the ‘dos and makeup…these girls were so freaking cute….( and we ALL know I wanted in that beauty salon’s chair and to get some glitter sprayed in my hair too! )

And today I went to breakfast with ohrob this morning. It’s really odd, I’m not sure if we’re trying to be friends or if we’re working up towards dating again or what – but I do know I like going out to breakfast on a Sunday morning … so I’m taking it as what it is…just breakfast.

I had a couple nights of great conversation with a new boy last week – but nothing since, so I’m assuming he’s dead – cause seriously, what other reason could there be ( SHUT UP)

But on the other hand, my favorite cousin and his wife are going to be in Atlanta this week on both business and pleasure so I’ll get to see them some, and we can sit around and wonder how we’re related to the rest of the family – cause DAMN, we’re nothing like them.

And let’s take a moment and welcome my friend Shawn back home. He completed his tour of duty with the Georgia National Guard in Iraq, and made it back home safe and sound back to Georgia soil today. Welcome home baby boy.

so read below for a quasi-real post ...

this is not - but i love it

allison! -- [adjective]: 100% kinky 'How" will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com

people, i wish i didn't have to do this.

cause we're all adults, (or at least pretenting) to be here.

and as such, i'm going to make a demand/statement/commandment.

THOU SHALL NOT USE ONLINE ABBREVIATIONS WHEN YOU CHAT/EMAIL ME.


i came accross some blog and i have a friend who chats with me in abbreviations. now, as much as i hate it, i can take a 'lol' here and there.

THIS however i can't take. "how r u?" R U? what the hell is that? i promise i'm worth the extra letters, so ask me "how are you"....that question will get answered.

so all of that crap.

stop it.

here is the one exception.

xoxo,
allie