aka

Jesus Jumped Up Christ
Jesus Surfin on a Ritz
Holy Mary Mother of Pearl
Oh My Good God Damn


and with that i present to you,

the world's greatest fuckmonkey ever.

So I’m the world’s greatest babysitter/godmother….

Wanna know what you missed this weekend?

You may have gone to a swanky dinner, or had a romantic weekend with a cute boy ( or girl if that’s how you roll ) but I bet I had a better time.

My best friend and her hubby had a romantic night planned and asked me to sit for them and watch their kids Saturday – deal! A. cause I adore these kids, and really don’t spend enough time with them … and 4. their parents are staunch republicans, and I take every chance I can to speak to them of their dark ways, and try to bring them to the light J

So anyway, I’m on kid duty Saturday thru Sunday morning…..

So here’s what we did, as soon as we got rid of the parents …

1. pulled open the sofa bed fired up the dvd player and watched “Madagascar” and (god help us ) Spy Kids 3-d. the older kid fired up the microwave and made popcorn and we snuggled in for movies ( now to our credit – it was cold and rainy, so there was no choice to play outside )

2. had a little snackage for dinner, the kids wanted to bathe ( ?? I KNOW) so it was a bath for the wee one, and a shower for the older one …

then onto beauty night…. (which we know i love)

3. Mani’s and pedicures…. Complete with glitter ( of course )

4. Then we did the braiding thing so the girls would have wavy hair the next day…some high quality lounging and then playing, I of course let the girls stay up until they could not hold their faces open, the 5 year old crawled on my lap and we sat there for the longest time ( I knew she was sleepy, but I was loving the cuddle so I kept her there ) finally I said “ are you sleepy” and she just nodded, so I asked “are you ready to go to bed” she said “yesh” all sleepy like so we got up and she took my hand and took me to her room –she crawled right up in that bunkbed and kee-rashed.

So the older one and I hung out – watched some trading spaces, then she was making the sleepy face too– and BAM to bed …

( if only I could have gotten mike to calm down like that, I wanted to KILL that pacing dog )


so Sunday morning, I wake up about 20 minutes before the kids…which is good, cause as y’all know – momma don’t wake up so fast ….

So we’re hangin out for a while, I shower up and get cute ( cause, hey, I’m still me ) then we do the ‘reveal’ of the girls waves …. Was fantastic I must say…

Then I ask, what do you want for breakfast, the smaller one says ‘waffles’ – me I’m thinking, great – eggos I can do that easy peasy – but no, it’s not that easy – she wanted full on alphabet shaped waffles …. Which I of course can do ( what CAN’T I do ) and cause I rock like that – I ask ( foolishly ) would you like CHOCOLATE CHIP WAFFLES?!!? ( answer. Doi )

So I make kick ass waffles ….. and coffee ( coffee for me, and necessary – DID I MENTION THE DOG DIDN’T STOP PACING?)

And as soon as breakfast was done and cleaned up ….. garage door goes up –and parents come home.

Top that people…..Good times.

hi kids, it's friday....and this makes me happy - not for any particiular reason, cause all days are fridays. but i'm glad for this.


3. scott stapp and KID ROCK have a sex tape. i mean, i have the same natural curosity of any other person, but EW MISTER! that's just way icky and gross. i think that's one i'm gonna be passing one. ... in fact it makes me never wanna fire up the pink parts again.

r. i have become the queen of knitting - if you ask nice i can make groovy stuff .... well i can make it anayway - if you're nice i can make it for you.

that's all i got for now.

so this is interesting - at least to me.

i saw this on a message board that i read, and i'd like y'alls opinion....

what's the difference between:


hurt and mad?

So while I may be here all alone, I did get a valentine’s call that was very sweet, and that’s cool.

I’m watching American idol, and that’s always a good way to feel better about one’s self. I’m always amazed at what passes for singing in this country, well, on this show at least – cause DAMN! And I’ve been to MORE than one church production ( hell, I’ve been IN more than one church production of many a show ) …. Anyway, I should re-phrase that, I was on the phone during the entire show, so I “watched” it, but heard nothing. Prolly still the best idea.

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So I was yakkin with christel and talking about an interesting situation that’s going on and she said that ( and I kinda quote ) “ it was easy to go bitchcakes on you, cause you’re close and you’re safe.”

Really?

REALLY?

Not this week, not next week either.

5 deep.

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Good moment, I just flipped to Oxygen, and caught the scene in High Fidelity where Jack Black is singing, “let’s get it on”

Good times.

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Oh, and this was funny, when I got to goodwill today – the unload-y man said “hey, you’re back”

The goodwill man knows me.

I can’t make this shitte up.

actually like a number roll call.

question of the day....

what color are your toenails painted?

just wonderin'
______________________________________________________________________-

in other news....

the guys at the drop off at goodwill know my name.

seriously.

i have totally become the queen of decluttering my house. it seems that everytime i walk in a room i scan it for what can GO.... cause momma is in a serious cleaning OUT mode .... christine beware - you're leaving me at your house for 24 hours ... God knows what kinda damage i could do with that kinda time.

i have even cleaned out hair products, and dare i say it ( now would be the time to both clutch the pearls AND gasp ) makeup as well as purses ..... i KNOW! really, i KNOW.

but i'm pleased with the results, even greg ( main gay #2 - who NEVER comments on here ) even noticed the kitchen and was "pleased" and you know how i like to please my gays.

so i have another carload ready to take to goodwill tomorrow - seriously - if you want to decorate a house in all kinda cute stuff - get ye to the goodwill near the big chicken here in marietta... cause i can guarentee there's some good stuff in there - just stuff that was done living at my house.

i'm sitting here watching Dr 90210 - i love that stupid show, it's gross and icky and i'm not a fan of fake boobs but i have to watch this show - and when dr. rey cried after being in mexico - all i could hear in my head is ( from will & grace of course) jack singing 'karen has a heart' ...

and speaking of singing - STACEY, front and center

... i DID find myself looking up the words to Fraggle Rock, and have been singing those ALL frekinfraggle day.....(oh and lola, they're called doozers)

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Work your cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.


take that missy :)

remember that scene in "batman" where the joker says, "this town needs an emena?"

yeah, i know a couple of people who could use that.

and here's my advise.

if i'm that easy to walk away from, walk on.

just remember, you walk away from all 5 of us.

and we hold a grudge.

Fine. Now I "Must. Copy. STACEY."

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.

1. Sarah with No H
2. Just Thoughts
3. I Am Prepared to Give Up at Any Time
4. So Much Myself (co-starring the bandwagon)
5. Cocktails and Smokes

Next, select five people to tag.
1. Lola
2. My Big Gay Life
3. M*ary
4. Madley
5. Amy

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Let's see, in February 1996, I was working for a federal training program and getting ready to move to midtown (garden hills) atlanta with a former best friend … down the street from the infamous “gold club” our very own mafia run strip club. What were you doing 1 year ago?

One year ago this month,
I was enjoying the CRAP outta having my girls here for a numbers summit, laughing, drinking, eating, shopping – and teasing Stacey about dating “the fetus”. Was working at the Atlanta Housing Authority, a god awful place. It’s amazing how poorly people can treat each other on the tax payers dime. Seriously that place is awful, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone – even those I can’t stand and prolly deserve it.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Cream Cheese and Hot Green Pepper Jelly with crackers.
2. Real, stove pop popcorn.
3. chocolate, any form!
4. Christine’s spinach and artichoke dip.
5. Crusty sourdough with real butter.

Five songs you know all the words to:
1. Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice
2. Bat Outta Hell, Meat Load
3. Geek in the Pink, Jason Mraz
4. Am I The Only One, Melissa Etheridge
5. Entire Recording, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Unlike Stacey, I wasn’t kidding about any of these, I have no one genre of music that I stick to - I listen to most all of it… and I’m old enough to be REAL ok wit that!

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Live at the beach.
2.Invest in a spa.
3. Do my best to see if that phrase “money can’t buy happiness is true” – cause I’m pretty sure it’s crap ( say “crap” in the Scottish accent please)
4. Buy plane tickets for all the Numbers to Hawaii for a month of vacation.(ditto)
5. Be debtless.(ditto)


Five bad habits:
1. Staying Mad.
2. Taking crap from people.
3. Overeating.
4. Living in denial.
5. Procrastinating.

Five things you enjoy doing:
1. Hot Baths.
2. Napping.
3. Buying shoes.
4. Reading.
5. Listening to music LOUD with headphones on , in the dark.

Five things you would never wear :
1. Sneakers, for anything but walking the dog.
2. 2 words, holiday FUCKING sweaters
3. Black Hair.
4. Sweatsuits in public.
5. gothic make up.

Five favorite toys(/games):
1. Tivo – yes it IS a toy..
2. CD player
3. My car.
4. Shopping .
5. Making fun of people on E!

ok i'll admit it. i didn't watch th grammy's last night. i flipped around, and did happen to catch Sir Paul.

but i didn't watch the show, this may be one of the first times that has happened.

and today while flipping around on tv, i caught MTV.... and i realized WHY i didn't watch ...... cause the "music' sucks.

i hope that doesn't make me sound like an old lady - but if it does....that's ok too.

i am totally a music junkie, i have it going all the time .... and pretty much every genre of music is there, except WOW - that shit they play on MTV.

and another thing..... i'll say it, i think kanye west sucks donkeys. well, not him personally, but i HATE his music. i don't get why he's the next musical messiah, but whatever.

I looked online at the list of winners last night, and for the most part...i let out a big sigh of ugh, or what?, or who the *&$& is that?

oh well .... i just like to think i don't have the same musical taste of the masses, and to quote martha "it's a good thing"

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ok now for a mini tv rant.

how is "the nanny" still on the air.
ditto for "spin city"

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sidebar - Gwen Stefani is about the hottest pregnant lady i've ever seen.

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and because this makes tex thinks less of me, here's a meme.


1.) What time did you wake up this morning?
At 7:30 - because Mike was sitting on my bed staring at me, then licked my face, which is the " I need to go out RIGHT NOW or i'll pee in your favorite shoes" warning.

2) Diamonds or Pearls?
Diamonds - but really just one, i'm not a fan of the cluster ring - one BIG solitare will do me fine thank you.

3) What is the last film you saw at the theatre?
The Family Stone

4) What is your favorite TV show?
Pretty much any show on VH1. or The Office or Earl or STARTING OVER.

5) What did you have for breakfast?
So far, nothing.

6) What is your middle name?
Allison

7) What is your favorite cuisine?
Today, good ol' Southern food

8) What foods do you dislike?
Green Peppers, Celery, Fennel.

9) Your favorite potato chip?
No particular favorite.

10) Your favorite CD at the moment?
Jason Mraz - Mr A-Z

11) What kind of car do you drive?
1999 Honda Accord

12) What characteristics do you despise?
Hypocrisy

13) Are you superstitious?
About some things

14) Favorite item of clothing?
PJ's

15) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Right now, The Beach.....any beach.

16) What color is your bathroom?
Which one?

17) Favorite brand of clothing?
"we fit a fat girl"

18) Where would you retire?
Somewhere with lots of land. or my own private island...

19) Favorite time of day?
4:44pm

20) Where were you born?
San Antonio, Texas

21) Favorite sport to watch?
Baseball .

22) Who do you least expect to get an answer from?
doing as a blog - not an email

23) Who do expect to get this back from first?
It can’t come back, because I’m not sending it.

24) What type of laundry detergent do you use?
Tide with Febreeze.

25) Coke or Pepsi?
Coke

26) Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Usually a morning person, but have reverted to night owl.

27) What size shoe do you wear?
8.5

28) Do you have pets?
LOL!

29) Any new and exciting news you would like to share with your friends?
I got nothing that my people don't know about.

30) What (who) did you want to be when you grew up?
Makeup Artist

31)Favorite candy bar?
Take 5

32)Favorite childhood memory?
laughing with the family.....and sometimes 'at' the family - even then i knew....

33) What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
eh, too many to list

35) Piercings?
Ears only, 4 on right ear, 3 on left

36) Eye color?
Blue / green

37) Ever been to Africa?
No, nowhere that requires shots

38) Ever been toilet papering?
Yes and forking too

39) Ever love someone so much it made you cry?
No. but have cried over love time and again.

40) Been in a car accident?
Yes, a pretty nasty one, and a couple of fender benders.

41) Croutons or bacon bits?
Croutons

42) Favorite day of the week?
Friday

43) Favorite restaurant?
right now - The Vortex, burgers and beer sounds MIGHTY good.

44.) Favorite flower?
White Daisy with a yellow face

45) Favorite ice cream?
Cold Stone, Cake Batter

46) Disney or Warner Brothers?
Both

48)Do you believe in karma?
a LOT - and that's a good thing.

49) How many time did you fail your drivers test?
None

50) Before this one who did you get your last e-mail from?
chicago mary

51) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Sepohora or Amazon.com

52) What do you most often do when you’re bored?
Read blogs, read books, play with mike, knit. The same thing I do when I’m not bored.

Must. Copy. Stacey. Who Copied Dooce.

Four jobs I’ve had

1.Yogurt Shop counter sales, I worked there for ONE shift … then decided food service is NOT for me. Actually the serving of the food was fine – the cleaning of the yogurt machine was not.
2.After-School nanny for a couple of kids … until thru snooping I discovered their dad was the grand wizard for the KKK … wizard, dragon – something like that…needless to say, that job was OVER as soon as I knew that! 3.Victoria’s Secret – fun job actually, good times… except for crazy old man screaming at me on Christmas EVE that he needed a box - we of course were out of boxed ‘cause it was 6:30 CHRISTMAS EVE. He wouldn’t stop being an ass, so I had to ask him if I looked like the box fairy. Conversation stopper, that one
4.Case Worker, The Atlanta Housing Authority. Worst job ever, I wouldn’t wish that place on the people I dislike most on this planet. NO ONE deserves treatment like that.

Four movies I can watch over and over
1.Coal Miner’s Daughter
2.Thirteen going on Thirty

3.Oklahoma!
4.The Jerk
Comedies and Musicals … what a shock ….. NOT

Four places I have lived
1.San Antonio, Texas
2.Columbia, South Carolina
3.Charlotte, North Carolina
4.Marietta, Georgia

Four TV shows I love
1.Starting Over
2.What Not To Wear
3.Rosanne
4.The Dog Whisperer

Four places I’ve vacationed
1.San Francisco, California
2. New York, New York
3. St. Augustine, Florida
4. Savannah, Georgia

Four of my favorite dishes
1. Sushi
2. Sesame Tofu
3. Dande’s Fried Chicken
4. Is ice cream a dish? Cake Batter Ice Cream, Cold Stone Creamery

Four sites I visit daily
1.Tinyhands
2.blurbomat

3.Dooce
4.The Numbers’ sites

places I would rather be right now
1.I’d like to be here 2 hours from now, when the main gays get here.
2.sephora with an unlimited budget
3.snuggling on the sofa with that boy.

4.and as always, on the coast of Ireland