i'm eating lunch at my desk ( and by lunch i mean a bag of microwave popcorn and a sunkist) but anyway...sitting and thinking... which is always ( ok, usually, well - sometimes ...... in this case good )

i've had a lot of time by myself this last week or so ( most of it by choice ) and i have come to some realizations. I am SHITTY at picking out men for my veryownpersonaluse.

i tend to dig guys who either:

1. make it clear they're not into the bigger gals ( like i'm gonna change THAT idea)
2. are wounded somehow and like the counselor side of my personality
3. are married ( yes, i know - shut up )
4. live 9 gabillion miles away and neither one of us is going to move
5. live at home or at a really shitty apartment and want to have my house to hang out
6. guys that are just into it for the physical.


so while none of these are tragic, i had a crush on a friend who isn't into the bigger gals ( and that's fine - there are some guys i'm not into - so i'm not making a judgement there ) and we have become really good friends - i trust him with some of the big stuff in my life...the wounded ones, well - that's not all their fault - at one time i think i actually encouraged it - cause i could make him "need" me - actually i could work on their egos so they could go get "that" girl.....the married thing? not my best move ever....but i can honestly say i loved him, totally - had fantasies of him being mine forever...mind you these were just fantasies...we NEVER acted on anything - but honestly there's a huge part of me that knows if he showed up at my door today - i'd SO let him in...the live far away thing, can you say allie setting herself up to fail?... the whole living arrangement thing, i'll be the first to admit i have a great house - i think the numbers would back me up on this also, but it's MY house, not YOURS, not OURS - if you wanna write out a mortgage check or 2 ...we'll talk - and the physical guy, that's fun for about 10 minutes, then you realize, he doesn't really like me, i don't respect him - he only calls when he wants a little action....and hell sometimes i want the action too..but - i like other stuff also


so i guess i say all of that to say this.

i'm ready for a relationship with a man that is available and that i care about...romantically. so if you know anyone...send him my way.

***********

ok - enough of that sap.

i listened to my new cd mix in the car on the way to work today - put a hitch in my giddiup.

yay me.