Wednesday, May 04, 2005
smart boy

so i stole this di-rectly from the blog of #3tx's brother and i really like what it says.. good hints to live by ... and some ( of course ) have commentary from me.

* note * i don't know who wrote this...if it was a man or woman...but here goes....

Good Advice for those who need it...

This was written by a guy who has had years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do. (ok, that right there is good advice - cause we also go makeup free, might have zit cream on or be in the middle of waxing something)

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud. ( we will find out, and you WILL be punished, maybe not now...cause now is too obvious - but we will ALWAYS know what you did...ALWAYS, read this- A-L-W-A-Y-S...your wife/girlfriend has to get over it (if that's what she's decided to do)- her friends DO NOT)

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat. ( again, see rule #2)

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful. ( this will get you so far, do it when we're not expecting it - but you think it...when we're playing with the dog, or just being us - without all the bells and whistles.)

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous. ( be PROUD of her, show her off )

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it. ( DO NOT HIT BACK )

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.( sweet gestures { ie hand holding} is preferred to the boob grab)

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did. ( one of your friends will know one of our friends, and friends talk)

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.( and for the LOVE OF GOD - don't show them the pictures)

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it... ( quite on the contrary actually)

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. (DO NOT EVER USE THE WORD WHALE.)

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.. ( if we asked you out, we don't expect you to pay - and usually we will offer some money if you've asked us out - but you really should be able to afford the beer if you asked us)

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!( at least offer all the time - a real woman wants to spoil you also)

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship. ( earrings count)

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely. ( seriously, do this)

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him. ( we will find this hot, and it will get you laid)

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. ( refer to the girlfriend AS your girlfriend and have your arm around her, hold her hands something while you're talking to the other female.)

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back. (EVER)

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went. (again, this will help you in getting laid)

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals. (never underestimate the power of the dog, cat, whatever ..... dog doesn't like you - owner doesn't either)

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky. (ew)

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding. ( it lasts like a few days .. be patient and provide chocolate - this would be a good time to throw that"you're beautiful" phrase at them.)

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it. ( open her door for her, we like that)

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. ( i don't think i should even have to comment on that one)

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you. ( money doesn't always equal a good date ... sweetness goes WAY far)

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked. ( again, with the getting you laid)

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle. ( you're stronger than you realize)

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. ( while this is true - some women use this as a weapon - stay away from them)

27. Don't marinate in the cologne, but smell good. (clean is good )

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. ( jewelry is nice, but we know not everyone has tons of money - just don't make it an "airport" gift)

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out. ( seriously - this one is really important - don't string her on)

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond. ( real fuckin' true) { see the cheating comment }

posted by Allie @ 5/04/2005 02:31:00 PM


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