Monday, May 02, 2005

My life by MAF

Ok – so not the whole life – cause I’m saving those essays for the book – but how about the last 5 months... and well - just some of the part of that .. but i had the urge to write these down so i did.

They were the worst and best possible. One time ( not at band camp) I read on dusty’s site – that when he was asked by someone was this his best year ever. And he said “so far, I haven’t seen next year yet though” or something to that effect – he was saying that this was the best.

Well this last 5 or 6 months has been tough for me – but the best in lots of ways too.

Without lots of gory details … here’s a quick breakdown.

*I almost lost my house
*My best friend had the biggest stones in the world and saved my ass
*I found out that I can love someone, totally, and still know they’re not right for me and not make them wrong for that
*I had my heart totally broken. Seriously. Painful. Real
*I picked myself up, brushed myself off, slapped some color in my hair, and marched, head up – tits out.
*I learned I can survive that.
*I realized that my friends love me for who I am, not what I have, or what I can do for them
*I realized I would do ANYTHING for them
*I had the hardest time with my parents I’ve ever had
*I hated them for a while
*I’m pretty sure they hated me
*I had to start taking serious amounts of medications for the depression
*My parents and I are well on our way to good again
*People will not make fun of you, but will be there to help you if you will let them
*The universe puts people in our lives for a reason, listen and you’ll find out what that reason is
*I CAN be friends with a boy. And it’s a kickin – if not sorta weird thing
*I like me.
*Just as I am
*Realizing I can do better, but ok with me right now
*That shows thru in me everyday
*I have a glow of happy
*A couple of weeks ago – I had a glow of peanut
*I still have that some
*SO SO SO glad he’s my friend.
*Have I mentioned the numbers yet? I discovered with them, a trust, and a friendship, and a sisterhood that this only child never had…never knew… never understood until now. I would gladly give a kidney, take a bullet, shave my head, give up everything I have for them, each and every one
*I learned that I can be trusted with the most private of secrets
*I learned that I can be the one people come to … and I have people to go to.
*I learned that I don’t have to love my job to be good at it
*I don’t have to like people to be kind
*I have to be kind
*I learned that acting out with boys when you’re not happy is fun for about 17 seconds - then you realize you’d rather be watching tv
*I remembered how very powerful words are, and how words put to music can save someone’s very soul.

I learned that I love me.

So, this has been the best 5 months ever.
Thanks for listening and being with me thru them.I love you all dearly.

posted by Allie @ 5/02/2005 07:12:00 PM


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