Bastard people.

As Stacey taught us months ago, the Bastard People are from Bastard Lake Minnesota. I have decided that this is also where pollen ( or if you’re the person that made the sign in Columbus, GA “polin” ) come from.

Pollen is bastard people too because it’s been kicking my ample ass this year. I should have bought stock in Kimberly-Clarke because with all the damn Kleenex I’ve gotten … stock prices are sure to have risen.

So it’s been another night of shitty sleep ( but luckily Kristen was up way ass late too and we chatted for a while)….and I have a few things to rant on.


People who are funnier than me – FUCKIN STOP IT – the funny is the majority of my act.

People who still have car alarms – no one runs outside to check if your car is being stolen – the noise just makes our dogs bark so FUCKIN STOP IT

People who work in cube farms and make that “hocking” sound ( you know the one ) when they have something in their throats ( FUCKIN STOP IT)

To my eyebrows – how how how is this possible. I am NOT a hairy woman, yet every morning – there is a stray one of you that I have to pluck … and yet the hair on my HEAD is taking forever to grow.

To the makers of no-chip nail polish – quit fuckin lying to me

To my dog – ENOUGH WITH THE SHEDDING. FUCKIN STOP IT

To the weeds in my front yard – I pay Chemlawn $34.00 a treatment to kill you – Fuckin die already

To chemlawn – KILL the fuckin weeds already.

Can you tell I’m home from work today – and don’t feel all that great.