Thursday, January 20, 2005
so, what is love

no seriously.

real romantic love.

real i'm gonna live the rest of my life with this person, grow up, have babies, go thru deaths, debt, love, change, with and grow old together.

i'm letting people comment anon. on here - so if you wanna say - but not say who you are - go for it.

i ask this:
* cause i know i love my friends. seriously. i adore them.
* i love my parents
* i love my dog
* hell, i love kevin spacey

but i don't know that i've ever been in romantic love before. i've been in like, lust, and in complete adoration - obsession maybe even. but i don't know about love.

how did you know he/she was 'the one'?
did they come in the package you expected?
are they what your parents expected of/for you?

***i'm sure i'll add more questions as i think on this - i'm just curious***

posted by Allie @ 1/20/2005 08:17:00 PM


At 8:41 PM, Blogger Champagnelady59 said...

Humm... good topic. at 18 when I was getting married for the first time thougtht I was in love. it was just infatuation. Fell in love real romantic love hard after that. I just felt it in my heart which he promptly broke.
will always have a space in my heart for him and we're still friends.
my current husband.....I knew because my heart lept when I saw him. and just knew. It's hard to distinguish though, infatuation feels so much like love, but it fades. real love doesn.t

At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Judith Viorst tells of a time her husband came home from work to find the family room filled with kids, friends, neighbors, pets...all watching TV. Ms. Viorst was upstairs doing something and his comment to the crowd was, "Where is everybody?"
That's real love.

At 10:21 PM, Blogger Chloe's Passion said...

Oh Girl! You have opened a can of worms on this one! And it will take time but I will post the answer on my blog as a response to your question. Goody! This will be fun!!!

At 11:57 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Your post about your neighbors had me rolling. I can' TOTALLY relate. Fuck em if you're single in your house. It means you're a girl with priorities and assets.

Ok what is love.........
True love is him holding your head as you puke, saying nothing about his skid marked up drawers that you wash daily and good, deep, intellectual discussions over an ice cold beer and burger. Tis nuttin better!

At 8:37 AM, Blogger Dave said...

I know it's not the answer you want, but no one can define real love. All of the symptoms of real love are similar to the symptoms of like, lust, infatuation and obsession. However Champaignlady is right when he paraphrases Shakespeare. If you are truly in real love with someone, you will never again find yourself NOT in love with that person. The discomforting part is that it takes time and hindsight and sometimes the loss of that person in your life to find this out. WoooHooo! I'm a downer!

btw- for you and #3sc, I now have 2 real posts on my blog since my pseudo-post updates.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

no dave -actually that's good. i'm trying to figure out some feelings....and just curious about different definitions. i've heard people say to marry your best friend ... i dunno if that's such a good idea - esp. since my 'best friends' are a group of 5 women. i've heard people say that you should marry someone that even with a tragic accident you'd still love even if you had to take care of them every day - well i question that too - cause that may be more loyalty and obligation than love .... this is interesting though - i like the comments - keep em coming

At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said... don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more...

At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

love don't cost a thing

At 10:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

by the way, what's love got to do, got to do with it

At 10:44 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

and since i watched 13 going on 30 again last weekend ...

we are young
heartache to heartache we stand
no promises
no demands


At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love is like being Jewish. It's something you just are, and it's something you choose do.

Some people wake up and just know that they are completely and totally "in love" with someone, while other people grow "in love" with someone because they made a conscious choice everyday to love another person. My opinion, and it may not be a good one, is that for real, lasting love, you gotta have both. You have to, most of the time, just know in your knower that you love another person, AND you have to make the internal commitment in your head and in your heart that you are going to love this other person NO MATTER WHAT.

It's a feeling, an action and a choice.

Then again there's only one thing that you can never give up, never compromise on and that's the real thing you need in love.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Senior Thinking said...

love is being unable to imagine what life would be like without the person and being grateful they make you more than you were

At 12:41 PM, Blogger Smashlee said...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. I ask myself this question weekly.
I think it's a personal choice for each individual.
No - J is the EXACT opposite of what I expected in every single way. I won't name it all here but he was the antithesis of what I was looking for.
My parents liked him and he was good to me, but hated the baggage and drama he brought with him and would, as gently as possible, ask me if I was sure this was what I wanted.
Why did I marry him? I was a self-sufficient, basically happy girl that was never taught that I needed a man for anything. But there was a connection in my heart/soul/whatever you want to call it that made me fill complete. Could I live without him - yes. Did I want to - No.
Other people look for more than that. Passion, lust, security, friendship....the hard part is figuring out what YOU need to be complete.

At 1:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes
Love is all around me and so the feeling grows
It's written on the wind, it's everywhere I go
So if you really love me, come on and let it show

At 1:39 PM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

I think maybe there's a difference even between "in LOVE" and "The One." I was always under the impression that you weren't truly "In Love" unless it was fully reciprocated. Now, I find myself in this situation where I know that I'm "In Love" with Dave, and at the same time, I know he's not "In Love" with me, and yet, on a level, it still works out that he's "The One." I think when you find "The One" everything works on so many different levels, e.g., physical, spiritual, romantic, friendship, etc. When it's not working on one of the levels, the other levels can compensate for it. When you only have one or two levels, it can't pass the tests life throws at you. Sometimes it's all there at once, and sometimes you have one or two levels at first and the other parts grow with time. Dave, of course, may have an entirely different opinion on this, which may result in him sharing the couch with his brother in the basement.

I do know that my Daddy HATED Dave. He was just SURE stuff was going on even before there was anything going on. I think he sensed that there was more than friendship there even before we did.

At 1:54 PM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

hmmm...any particular reason you're asking?

you know, 'cause I've been reading around...seems like an interesting post to make at this time...interesting timing with other people's posts...

just curious... :)

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

it's just a thought that's been running thru my melon lately. different kinds of love, how you know it's the 'one' what worth fighting for - what needs to be let go of... all that stuff.

that and the fact that boys are stupid - throw rocks at them

At 4:14 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Hehe, you said "melons" (well, close enough Bevis)

At 4:27 PM, Blogger Jackie said...

ok me next......Love. When I was younger and dreamt of being married, I had an idea in my mind of what it would be like. That he would be cute and nice to me and we would have great sex and all the kind of stuff you see in the movies. What I actually got-- is about ten times better than that. I feel so lucky that I sometimes feel guilty. I have never been more honest with another person--or dog--as I am when I am with him, and I have never been more myself. He is not overly romantic and he isn't Bradd Pitt and it doesn't matter---because he looks at me with love in his eyes. He is honest and he has never hurt me.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger amy said...

i look forward to the day i meet "love". i have already meet lust, like, in-like, pre-lust, infatuation. i have been told by past men that they've "loved me" or they were "in love with me" but i never felt the same emotion back. i don't know what love is. i know what it is to have a crush and have your heart broken or be in a long term (5 yrs) relationship and "love" the guy i spent a long time with but i never truly "loved" him. i keep running into the wrong type of guys and wasting too much of my good and kind energy on them. i don't mind practicing my love but i do so much want to find the real true lasting - really silly i love you kind of love with a male human being. i will continue searching till i go to my grave i imagine. i know he exists somewhere. thanks for the interesting and thought provoking question. love your friend, inky

At 8:19 PM, Blogger Dave said...

leave it to the gay guy to point out that the correct wording is:

"what's love got to do, scot to do with it?"

sorry, it was driving me crazy. short trip.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

i think i might be a little qualified for this one. since my husband just went through the "i love you but i am not IN LOVE with you" patch.

love is easy. its like (in my case) being white. i know i am white and i cant change it. i know i love my husband and i cant change it. but IN LOVE requires upkeep. it requires letting your mate know that you are here for them, touching them everyday, because if you arent touching and feeling, then you are out-of-touch. "in love" is butterflies and inside jokes. "in love" is moon-pied. "in love" is painful. it makes you ache when the other person is not there. it makes you feel incomplete. and complete at the same time. "in love" is his hand on the small of your back as you walk into a room, his hands brushing away your tears, him calling you and getting a thrill.

and i KNOW you will find that. because i know this universe has JUST the right one to walk into a crowded room and let everyone know, just by the look on his face, that he is so in love with you.

At 2:16 PM, Blogger MamaChef said...

OMG!!!!!!! I couldn't have said it better Christel!

I love YEW!!!


At 4:41 PM, Blogger se7en said...

Dear Allison!!
sheesh, after Christel's comment anything else seems nekkid! she spiked it and it went sailing way over my head! WTG Christel!!!


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