Friday, January 07, 2005
all over the place today (updated)

Hey y'all ...

I'm sorta feeling all over the place today - it's all in the good places - but I have lots on my mind...including but not limited to

1. love
2. friends
3. words that cut
4. depression
5. how FUCKING good my hair looks today
6. my parents

ok ok ok... love - so i've said before that i was/am in love with some one completly inappropriate for me ... and we've both been sorta slowly pulling away the band aid for a few months now while trying to decide what to so. i had long heart to heart talk last night with someone that i'm just becoming friends with ( of the male variety ) and i really broke it down barney style ... he listened and understood where i was coming from and played devils advocate with me ... and i think i finally realize that i have to cut it off with 'him' cold turkey. it's going to suck - ( and SO not in the good way kinda suck) but i think it's what has to be done - for my best good as well as his ... he will be someone that i think about daily - but it's the thing to do - so i 'm going to do it. starting right this moment. ( girls, expect weepy calls )

ok, and on to friends. i think, wait i know i've mentioned what amazing friends i have. i don't know what i've done to deserve them, whatever it is, when i figure it out - i'll let you know so you can do it too ... cause goddamn - there's nothing that my friends can't help make better - i was reminded of that last night talking to one of my beloved #3's...... who reminded me of something - she was speaking of herself but it left me gobsmacked - so in my mind - it must be somewhat true of me too - cause it really struck a cord ... and that's when my humor hurts someone. I never intend to hurt someone's feelings with my words. WAIT - that's a lie .... if you're a shellfish loving dentist - i do mean to hurt cause i hate you ... but unless you're that guy - i don't mean my words to be painful. I mean to listen honestly to you...and not try and think of the funny thing i'm going to say to try and "outfunny" you ... if i have done that - please call me on it - i'm really working on being softer and kinder .... that is actually the genuine me - but i've taken the last 34 years building this wall and facade up - it's going to take a while to tear down ...

teeny posted about depression today .... which is ( as we know ) a subject near and dear to my heart, i do deal with that - but i wouldn't call myself a depressed person - not that i really think there's anything wrong with that either. I was personally VERY embarassed when i went on the meds ... then stacey said " if you were a diabetic - you wouldn't be embarassed about taking meds .... you have an illness - it can be helped with the meds ... shut the fuck up and take them" ... ok, so i paraphrased ... but strangely enough my mom said almost the same thing when i finally told her i take the 'zac .... strangely - i consider myself a really genuinely happy person ... so when the funk strikes ... not the i "don't" wanna get out of bed funk .... the i "can't" get out of bed or function on my own ... the real depression, the real crying non stop, the real can't find joy in things that used to make me happy..... it's pretty serious .... but i know it will pass - and 'allison' will re-emerge .... and the villagers rejoiced.

oh, and have i said how good my hair looks today - cause it FUCKIN DOES .... someone's son needs to enjoy it this weekend - if you have any suitors - lemme know .....

and my parents - i'm amazed at them. i underestimated them for about 34 years and didn't even realize it. they're the best ever - i can only hope to be 1/2 the parents to my one day children that they have been to me.

now - i'm off for coffee and grits. but not in the same cup.

live it love it kiss it spank it
allison.


ok - so some bad things and feelings went on this morning .. and my cell phone BLEW UP with friends calling to check on me. i've said it before and i'll say it again - i have NO idea what i've done while on this earth to merit such amazing people in my life - i have friends who have been there for years and years like christine and ... friends who it seems like i've known for ever - like say - "the numbers", friends i know have to have carried over from another lifetime - like mary ... and a new friend who opened his ears for me and listened without judgement ... and i appreciate that - lots more than is realized. everyone's kindness is NOT lost on me.....

short version is, i'm fine - he's fine. we're all fine. and grown ass people.

i think some real actual live healing has begun - and that's some excellent news for today ... so yay me

i love you all, friends old and new.
i really do think 2005 is gonna fuckin' rock!! and as i heard at the office today, if you're gonna rock out, rock out with your cock out!

posted by Allie @ 1/07/2005 09:39:00 AM
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11 Comments:

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Champagnelady59 said...

Glad you're getting the coffee. Glad you made the 'break it' decision. It's gonna be hard, if you need a voice at 3am....please call.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

Ew. Grits. Can you tell I'm only 40 miles south of the Mason Dixon Line?

I love you. That's all.

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger *L'ola said...

oh. my. damn. you're hair DOES look good! ima need to fuck you when you get a spare minute, okay? i'm just sayin'.

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

I FUCKIN LOVE ME SOME MARY NICHOLS ... AND LOLA THAT'S WHAT........

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

AND CHAMPAGNIE - that's what

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

We love you.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Tasty said...

You know my phone is on at 3, also. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Loves, hugs, kisses and good vibes comin' your way hon.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger se7en said...

Dear Bitchcakes!!

you are just too dam funny and sht when u are
all depressed! Stop That! hehe j/k

one day im gonna get off my 'zac and be REALLY
fukkin funny and then what?? huh? HUH?

now that's all funny all byit'sowndamself!

luv ya'S

your
cajun
punk
cowboy
seven!

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger amy said...

so i'm sitting in roxi's kitchen earlier today crying. out of nowhere she goes "Damn girl you're hair looks awesome today and so does your make up." I'm like shit yah.. I'm close to suicide (not really) and losing my house (again not really) but I am very very poor (yes really) and hell yah, my hair and make up looks hot cuz I've been crying all week fucking long. good to know your hair rocks the cock out too. love inky

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

yeah, actually, you did kinda hurt me with your words the other night. right about the part where you called me a *GASP* "grown-up"

just because the things i said sounded like a big person would say them, does mean you can lump me into "that group"

please take it back before i sit in a corner and pout for 3 days.

 

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