Sunday, August 29, 2004
how much fun can one girl have with a broken heart?
Really a whole bunch lot.warning - this mofo is FULL of typos ... jimmy crack corn -and i don't care! Allie had a real good weekend. ( yes, I am referring to myself in the 3rd person …. That’s the name of the blog. DUH )Anyhow. Find the legal limit of fun and go about 3 miles past that….and that’s not even close to where I was this weekend …. So Friday night .. a cute rockstar shows up at my house … with her rock star self. Do you know anyone who is so cool that when you’re around them, you don’t GAIN cool points you lose them cause you look and see just how cool you’re NOT. Yeah. I was that girl. I remember when I used to not look like someone’s mother and a senator’s wife. I used to be the wild one with the pink hair and 7 earrings and cool stuff like that ….anyhow – more on that later. but my friend? yes, she's that fucking cool. I wanna be her when i grow up .... So the rock star gets here and we IMMEDIATELY ( do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 ) head for Mexican food and beer. .. and I mean a big beer – one of those 32 ouncers … actually I mean 2 of them. And spinach dip … queso with spinach ( bilingual don’t cha know ) so we’re beering it up listening to this table of old people …. Like they have their boarding pass for heaven and are just waiting for their numbers to be called … and one mentions something about TMI … now. People on the on deck circle for behulah land … really? Are the acronyms necessary?…and and and wait it gets better. They brought their own bags of low carb chips. I myself wanted to kill them with my very own hands…or at least punch them in the head. But I didn’t since they’re old and I’m southern, and we’re trained to NOT do things like that – no matter how much I might have wanted to – and I wanted too a really whole lot. So then a bad thing happens. Some guy with a guitar shows up … now if any of you who read this ( both of you ) who happen to be guys with guitars. Lemme let you in on 2 secrets. At a Mexican restaurant. We want Spanish music. And c. The 70’s are over. Let the sorry covers of any and all Steve Miller, Bad Company, Neil Diamond, Cat Stevens, Jimmy Buffett, James Taylor and or Van Morrison go. Espically the Van Morrison. If you’re NOT him. Don’t sing it. You’ll only hurt our feelings.Ok, did I mention we were loaded. And what happens when you’re loaded and your friends are driving you to a VILLAGE PEOPLE concert?! Yes..that’s right. The drunk and dial. If I had your phone number….you got a call. If you’re the boss, you got sung to … if you’re dave…you got the village people singing to you…if you’re Lauren, you got a random man talking to you that I told you would put out for a had HUGE breasts if you would only get on a plane and come down here.. oh yea, I think I promised your husband some hot sweet allie loving if he put you on a plane. And don’t think I wouldn’t do it – cause I would…so where was I ..Oh yes, The Village People. Or as I like to refer to them. The Village PERSON. Yes that’s right the village PERSON. The Indian is still kickin it … except he’s not a native American, he’s Puerto Rican ..but I can live with that too. Anyhow, rock star and I were the only people under 70 at this concert … BUT BUT BUT they let you bring in beer – so who cares really.. cause after beer oh say 15 …who cares about anything anymore …. So the concert starts and we stand up to dance… where a cranky old man who has never gotten to put his penis anywhere NEAR a woman tells us “ you make a better door than a window” ( wha?? Was that a fat joke or a really sorry way to say we as an audience have decided to sit for the FUCKING DISCO show – cause we are losers and all deserve to never have fun again. ) ANYWAY… so we did the chair dance thing … and I think he ( again, we’re gonna call him toby ) never had any fun and prolly didn’t that night either…everyone finally agreed to stand during YMCA .. so at least we got to do the official YMCA dance … and that’s gotta be good enough on some level…..So then…yes, more drunken dialing … so I called #3 kentucky and the grandmonster answered the phone .. and when I said “is Lauren there” and she said “no they’re at dinner” … I said “ um… that’s SO the wrong answer, and hung up” … yea. I think it was then that the rock star wet herself laughing just a little bit. Ok – back home.. more calling – then passing ou…er…sleeping.So Saturday … full day of big fun action.. many more beers, shopping, cool ass coffee shop in va highlands …. Then many more beers at little 5 points …. Then …class begun back at my house … KNITTING class….i taught RS to put the thread on the sticks and knit, knit, knit. Cause I’m cool and a giver like that.Then the hair dye adventure began. I have rock star hair now. It was supposed to be purple – but the purple really didn’t work out too well, so we put this cool red over it…and it’s sorta pinky reddy …. So it’s official I rock it rock star style again … at least one patch in the back of my head does – it’s really pretty cool ….ok skipping many things – to Sunday - I just got back from seeing “joseph and the amazing techacolor dreamcoat” and DAMN, I’ve seen that show lots of times. But that was the best. And I have a new object of lust. Jon secada. Shirtless. Singing. Case closed.I need more beer.