Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Memo

Memo

To: commuters on I-75 south from north metro into downtown Atlanta (and back)
From: Allison (#3ga)
Date: January 26, 2005
Re: observations, suggestions, demands of fellow commuters


I, like you spend approximately 2+ hours per day in the car commuting to and from work ( ok environmental people, shut up – there is NO convenient bus/train option from my county into the city – and car pooling isn’t an option … I’m a liberal democrat, a vegetarian 99% of the time, I recycle, I’m a frekin’ social worker, what more do you want from me…) ok, back to the commute – as I have been making this commute for upwards of 10 years now .. I have made some observations that I need to share with you… when applicable ( or when I feel like it ) I’ll also include corrective actions to take.

1. the right lane is for the slow people. Not slow as in a mentally challenged way. As in a “I like to drive slow … and during ‘rush’ hour too” - here’s a handy way to tell if you should be in the other lane. If you are in the far left, or hell medium left lane – and everyone else is going faster and people are willing to kill themselves and others to get out from behind you – GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE FAST LANE.

2. there are these nifty things on the back of your car – they are called brake lights. They help the rest of us who are traveling at a high rate of speed to keep from slamming the holy hell out of the back of your car – GET YOUR FUCKING BRAKE LIGHTS FIXED.

3. while we’re talking about lights – let’s discuss headlights ( no, not as in boobs – as in actual car headlights ) if you have one headlight out do NOT, repeat do NOT turn your beams on HIGH to compensate. All you will do is blind the person in front of you – and if that person happens to not have break lights – YOU’RE BOTH FUCKED.

4. turn signals – do I really have to talk about this? Yes I do – they come standard on EVERY SINGLE CAR MADE …. Notice I didn’t say ‘optional’ I said standard …. USE THE FUCKIN' SIGNAL

5.to the people with the fish on their car. Don’t drive like an asshole – it makes the rest of the Christian people look bad, and have you seen TBN? We look bad enough already.

6. to the cars that are filled to the gills with day labor workers. I should be able to give you some kinda secret sign that will indicate to you that one of your laborers has made that sign with the 2 fingers making a ‘v’ and sticking their tounges out – then you would be able to eject them out of the car and let the women of the world run over them – cause we FUCKIN hate that sign

7. ok – there is the crazy street preacher near peachtree center – he’ll be carrying the HUGE cross on his back – he’s there almost every day – no reason to slam on brakes and look …

8. please let your tourist friends know – rush hour in Atlanta runs from approximately 6:00 am until about 10:00am and starts back up around 2:30 pm until around 7:30pm. Please ask them to plan interstate travel accordingly. Tourists take their lives into their own hands when they wanna slow down and POINT to various landmarks in the city, ie: the Varsity, CNN, TBS, the Olympic flame, etc.

and finally

9. can we please review the importance of the “thank you” wave. If I have been kind enough to let you in front of me in traffic – you MUST gimme the little thank you wave – or when you look back- you will see me cursing you.

I hope this little reminder will make the daily commute less hellish for all of us.

posted by Allie @ 1/26/2005 08:36:00 AM
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15 Comments:

At 9:41 AM, Blogger Smashlee said...

"...the importance of the “thank you” wave"

Amen, Amen, and Amen. I hate it when I remove myself from MY place in the traffic line to let someone out from the kindness of my heart (because trust me, I can edge you out with the best of them), is it so hard to throw up a jester?

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Tasty said...

BWAAAAAAAAA, Smash! "Throw up a jester" made me think of puking up a guy in a pointy hat with bells on the tips. I know you meant gesture, but I just FELL OUT. Thank you for the big ole belly laugh!!!!!!!

Allie, brilliant observations as always!

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

ok so this isnt really highway related, but traffic courtesy.

i was unaware of the "unwritten law" of leaving a space for driveways, streets, and entrances to establishments when lined up at a red light. until i met my husband. now i do it all the time, much to the dismay of some asshole who was on my ass and is now stopped dead center on the railroad trackes because he thought he had more room to scooch.


so anyway, there is a CVS by the last light to my house... so, i try to leave an open spot for comers and goers..... etc. well, one day, some jackass in the back of the line saw it as an opportunity to get ahead in line, so he pulls around everyone else on the far left, and then pulls into the empty space i had left for courtesy. i thought he was turning into the CVS before i realized what happened. needless to say, i laid on my horn for the entire time the light was red.

fucking jackass.

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger Champagnelady59 said...

Regarding the brake lights. Not only should you get them fixed if they are all out, but if only 1 is out fix that one too!!!

If you are the person who gets on their cell phone and the minute you do your foot comes OFF the accelerator and you slow down, GET OVER to the right lane. Or better yet, get off the phone.


OH Are those pretty flashing lights ahead? A cop has someone pulled over....DO NOT SLOW DOWN, this happens all the time it cannot be the first time you're seeing a cop pull someone over.

GRR I agree I have the hour drive back and forth to work each day and people just get STUPIDER.

Also anyone else noticing that the RED light is now a suggestion????? People are blowing red lights a lot up here lately.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Hey young lady, driving is a privilege, not a right. I don't know how that applies, but that's EXACTLY the way it was described to me as a teenager.

Eventually, can we come back to #3 (or all the #3s, for that matter) and discuss actual boobs?

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS!!!!!


(3 people will actually laugh out loud at that, and i know why)

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

hey!

HEY

#3sc - notice anything different in the title!?!

ever notice the word title has the word TIT in it?!

( . )( . )

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger Tasty said...

I laughed!

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger Senior Thinking said...

properly managed road rage, well done

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

I'm rather fond of the thank you finger myself. I use that one frequently. God forbid I ever break my right hand. I'm going to have to figure out how to do the thank you finger with my foot!

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger Jackie said...

Hmm true on all counts. My thing is I am one of the slow drivers so I always get in the far right lane and go only about 5 miles over the speed limit. And yet and still I have people pissed off and up my ass.

 
At 5:55 PM, Blogger se7en said...

the middle finger gesture is called a california howdy i think!! but i ain't prejudice, i'll use it anyway...

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Chloe's Passion said...

Still laughing! Fuck yes!

 
At 10:55 PM, Blogger amy said...

come to my small rural village in farm country and get behind a fucking farmer on his John Deere tractor going down a one lane road with no passing lanes and no shoulders only deep deep ditches. thanks for the chuckles.

 
At 11:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an uncle who should not be driving because he's 81...and just not as sharp as he should be. He doesn't use a turn signal anymore because he says, "It's nobody's business where I'm goin'."

 

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