Memo

To: commuters on I-75 south from north metro into downtown Atlanta (and back)
From: Allison (#3ga)
Date: January 26, 2005
Re: observations, suggestions, demands of fellow commuters


I, like you spend approximately 2+ hours per day in the car commuting to and from work ( ok environmental people, shut up – there is NO convenient bus/train option from my county into the city – and car pooling isn’t an option … I’m a liberal democrat, a vegetarian 99% of the time, I recycle, I’m a frekin’ social worker, what more do you want from me…) ok, back to the commute – as I have been making this commute for upwards of 10 years now .. I have made some observations that I need to share with you… when applicable ( or when I feel like it ) I’ll also include corrective actions to take.

1. the right lane is for the slow people. Not slow as in a mentally challenged way. As in a “I like to drive slow … and during ‘rush’ hour too” - here’s a handy way to tell if you should be in the other lane. If you are in the far left, or hell medium left lane – and everyone else is going faster and people are willing to kill themselves and others to get out from behind you – GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE FAST LANE.

2. there are these nifty things on the back of your car – they are called brake lights. They help the rest of us who are traveling at a high rate of speed to keep from slamming the holy hell out of the back of your car – GET YOUR FUCKING BRAKE LIGHTS FIXED.

3. while we’re talking about lights – let’s discuss headlights ( no, not as in boobs – as in actual car headlights ) if you have one headlight out do NOT, repeat do NOT turn your beams on HIGH to compensate. All you will do is blind the person in front of you – and if that person happens to not have break lights – YOU’RE BOTH FUCKED.

4. turn signals – do I really have to talk about this? Yes I do – they come standard on EVERY SINGLE CAR MADE …. Notice I didn’t say ‘optional’ I said standard …. USE THE FUCKIN' SIGNAL

5.to the people with the fish on their car. Don’t drive like an asshole – it makes the rest of the Christian people look bad, and have you seen TBN? We look bad enough already.

6. to the cars that are filled to the gills with day labor workers. I should be able to give you some kinda secret sign that will indicate to you that one of your laborers has made that sign with the 2 fingers making a ‘v’ and sticking their tounges out – then you would be able to eject them out of the car and let the women of the world run over them – cause we FUCKIN hate that sign

7. ok – there is the crazy street preacher near peachtree center – he’ll be carrying the HUGE cross on his back – he’s there almost every day – no reason to slam on brakes and look …

8. please let your tourist friends know – rush hour in Atlanta runs from approximately 6:00 am until about 10:00am and starts back up around 2:30 pm until around 7:30pm. Please ask them to plan interstate travel accordingly. Tourists take their lives into their own hands when they wanna slow down and POINT to various landmarks in the city, ie: the Varsity, CNN, TBS, the Olympic flame, etc.

and finally

9. can we please review the importance of the “thank you” wave. If I have been kind enough to let you in front of me in traffic – you MUST gimme the little thank you wave – or when you look back- you will see me cursing you.

I hope this little reminder will make the daily commute less hellish for all of us.