Ok, so anyone who ‘really’ knows me, knows where they can find me the last Saturday in September.

That’s right, at a pageant party. Specifically hosting the yearly Miss America party.

However, there’s been some trouble in pageant-land. See, they tried to make it some modern thing. It’s not a modern thing. It’s a tacky antiquated silly thing.

It’s also a beauty pageant – let’s call it what it is. It’s not a scholarship competition, cause those are based on grades, no on who looks best in a bikini, so seriously – let’s just call it a beauty pageant and go on with our day.

Whoa, I got WAY ahead of myself …. Lemme backtrack.

Christine and I went to a movie ( the family stone ) this past Saturday. We thought it was a typical romantic comedy chick flick …….. IT’S A WEEPER, like a box of Kleenex weeper. They should really warn people about that kinda thing …. Anyho, Christine was driving me home, when her hubby called and informed us that Miss America was getting ready to start on the picture box.

So we did a quick ( in the head ) inventory of what proper pageant foods we had at my house, decided we were good, and speed along mightily towards casa de allie.

…. Now just watching this on the fly was something we’ve never done. We almost ALWAYS have a party. We have dart guns, scoring sheets, 10 million kinds of food product, lots of friends, 3 or 4 blenders going …. Crowns are worn, and hateful and catty attitudes abound.

It really is a blast, but sometimes is bittersweet, because gasp my friends and I are getting older….and as a result, we have started talking about how things “used to be” like when the talent competition was really something ….. Whitney Houston songs, tapping, clogging, terrible terrible terrible singers, classic baton twirling, if you’re lucky those batons are on FIRE…and I may be getting my pageants confused but…didn’t miss America used to have a state costume?! ( or is that miss usa?)

Anyhow, my point is, we had pageant night…. Low key style… but believe me – I still had comments … and general opinions… which I of course – will share with you now.


1. Again if you know me, you know I’m a pale girl. I come from hearty Irish and Scottish stock … and we are a pale people. I think pale is beautiful, but I also understand that it can look icky on camera at time…….HOWEVER, I do not understand the abuse of the spray on tan. EVERYSINGLEONE of these women looked like a giant cheese doodle with Vaseline on their legs …. Even the African American and Asian American woman and a certain doodleness about them.

2. Gowns, now, I realize this year the miss America pageant was in Vegas, but come ON ladies – MUST you dress like an aging showgirl/hooker/cocktail waitress. The gowns were all cut up to here and down to there and sheer … we all know most scholarships are based on you’re ability to almost show the fake melon boobs without any nipple showing.

3. There was SO much makeup going on ( and let’s consider the source of who’s saying that – we all know I LOVES me some makeup ) I’m pretty sure that people in space saw some of the blush going on in Vegas last weekend…..

4. Which reminds me of another thing that could be seen from space…… and it demands that I make mention of an epidemic in this county.

Teeth Whitening Abuse.

Something must be done about this, there’s a difference between a healthy looking smile, and looking like you have painted each individual tooth with liquid paper.Just sayin.


Now I must mention a thing or two that blew me away.

*Miss Oklahoma ( now Miss America ) is the ugliest one we’ve had in a while.
*Miss Mississippi didn’t even make it into the top 10 …. I can’t remember a pageant ever when that happened.
*They changed the lyrics to the “there she is Miss America” song – and took the part about Atlantic City out … sad sad sad
*And finally, they narrowed it down from 5 to 3 … before crowning.

That sucks.

But I’ll watch it again next year, cause that’s how I roll.